Things that End
by Britt-a-water
Summary: Set a year after Edward leaves in New Moon- M for profanity and sexual content later on. Bella's anger helps her ignore her fears and pain, but when someone threatens to break down her walls can she keep her heart safe from him? does she want to?
1. Happy Birthday Bells

**AN-- First FanFic. Be kind. If you hate it, just don't read it. I don't own Twilight. If I did I would be really rich, and probably have a hell of a lot more in my cupboards then Mr. Noodles, those I do own! This chapter has been reposted thanks to my Lovely Beta EchoingWinter. **

**A few things to get out in the open before you continue on with reading if you want to.**

**1. I think Edward is creepy.  
2. I am in no way going to write anything as insanely stupid as imprinting. So, in my ideal Twilight world that doesn't exist. It is just fucking stupid.  
3. I swear way too much. Sorry!  
4. This will turn into a Jasper/Bella story. So if you don't like that pairing, don't read!  
****5. I think it is silly for anyone to expect Jasper and Bella fall in love in five minutes, and for Jasper to all of a sudden have amazing control over his base instincts. So, he will not be fucking her senseless an hour after seeing her. Sorry if that is a disappointment.  
6. Last one, I swear. There will be no stalking allowed. If anyone sneaks into Bella's room to watch her sleep, there will be hell to pay because that is honestly the creepiest fucking shit ever!!!**

**I will twist the characters into what I want so comments like_ she would never do that_ or _that would never happen_ really don't matter because it's my version my rules!!!!**

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Chapter 1

I could feel the dull ache growing, reaching new levels. I should really stop being surprised by the amount of pain that my body has the capacity to feel. As if I could be stronger, strong enough to handle this like a normal person. Instead I had to have a psychotic break down. Typical Bella. Always pathetic and weak.

I wish I wasn't. Maybe then, he would have stayed. Maybe then, he would have loved me more, loved me at all.

I'd held all my weakness inside since Edward left. I refused to show how much it cost me. I refuse to show anyone how weak I am ever again. I let _him_ in. We broke down all my barriers. He told me he loved me. He told me I was his life, and I had let myself feel protected. He didn't protect me from what would hurt me the most. **HIM.**

I am sick to fucking death of being that pathetic, doe-eyed idiot that had so easily believed the sweetest of lies. I so readily accepted my place by his side even though I didn't belong there. I thought his family cared, but I had been an outsider, a silly human distraction to provide amusement. Like a little puppy, the novelty wore off after trying to save me or prevent my humanity from catching up with me for the hundredth time.

Stupid, fucking invincible vampires. Stupid fucking paper cuts. Stupid fucking birthdays. FUCK! Happy Nineteenth Fucking Birthday, Bella. One year, and like a fucking idiot, you are still whining over someone who didn't even care.

I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling, wishing the day would just be over. I could already hear Charlie stirring. It would be impossible to escape today, but if he knew what was good for him he would keep the birthday related interaction to a bare minimum. I knew that he was cautious of doing anything that would remind me of _HIM_. I think his walking on eggshells just pissed me off even more. It reminded me more of Edward and how he treated me. Like a fucking child.

I was a little bitter.

_Bella don't do this it isn't safe._

_Bella don't_ _do that you will get hurt._

_Love, let me answer this for you because with my all my endless vampire knowledge it is easy, but you are just an incompetent, frail human. Don't worry, sweetie. It's cute, and I will pretend to love you for it until I get bored of course. Then I am just going to up and leave you, and take away your best friend as well. It isn't that big of a deal because to be honest she is bored of you too, as is my whole family. Humans can't really compare to vampires. I mean you don't even sparkle._

**WHO FUCKING SPARKLES ASSHOLE!!!**

Okay. To say that I was bitter would be a huge, huge understatement, but the last year has literally been hell. I also can't say that these mental conversations between myself and Edward don't happen often because they do. Way, way too often. It is a relief to make him say everything I think, everything he should have said, everything I think he wishes he could have said instead of the lies. Endless lies he told me to build me up. He built me up so that I would have farther to fall. I wonder if that was part of the amusement. If so, why didn't he stick around to watch it?

"Bells," Charlie called from outside my door, "you up?" If I hadn't been before, him hollering at me through my door would have woken me. Stupid.

"Yeah, dad, just getting up now." I tried to keep my irritation out of my tone. It wasn't his fault I was so foul today. Everyday. For the last year.

"Happy birthday, Bells," he said softly through the door. He sounded hesitant.

"Thanks," I replied in a clipped tone, hoping to dissuade any further broaching of that topic. I was nineteen, end of fucking story. Another birthday, no vampires to try and kill me this year. Funny, you think that would be a relief.

**I ache.**


	2. Monster

**AN- I don't own Twilight. My chapters will usually be longer (I hope), but in the beginning the short chapters are just to describe her different relationships with different characters.**

Thanks go out to my Beta EchoingWinter and to everyone who takes the time to review each chapter!

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Chapter 2

"Happy Birthday, Bells," Jacob called cheerfully from his porch. I hadn't even made it out of my truck yet and I was already contemplating leaving. I had told him no birthday. A week ago, he had brought it up.

*******  
_"So, what's happening for your birthday?" Jacob asked excitedly. As if I had some big plans for the worst day of my life. Dramatic, I know. But really, thinking of what happened and compared to some of my other days, it is either the worst or ranking up in the top ten. Although, the blood loss that day was minimal compared to some of my other incidents. "Earth to Bella," he yelled waving his hand in front of my glazed eyes._

_"Yeah? Uhh, nothing?" I responded, sounding less sure then I wanted to._

_"What do you mean nothing?" He asked, arching his eyebrows._

_"I mean, NOTHING. We are just going to pretend like it isn't my birthday, like I am not getting older, and like it is just any old day where you make fun of me and I wonder why I spend time with such a jerk. Sound good?" I replied, poking him in the ribs gently so that he wouldn't think I was being mean. I was. I always am these days._

_"Jeez, Bells. Crazy much?" He laughed._

_"Yeah, it's just..." I broke off, looking away from his eyes, trying to build back up my mask that was hiding my pain._

_"I get it," he said softly, "no birthday."_

*******

What the hell was he thinking? He knew me better than anyone did or would ever again. Usually he was good about coddling me and my issues, but what the hell was he doing? Seeing my hesitancy to leave the safety of my truck, he lumbered over to it with his idiotic werewolf grace. _Haha, grace._

"Are we going to hang in your truck today?" He asked, trying to hide the smirk on his face. _Asshole._

"No, I was just contemplating how angry Charlie would be if I ran you over," I replied sharply.

"Alright, alright no birthday. You win." He reached forward, flinging my door open, and grabbed my arm to yank me into a hug. "For the record, this isn't a birthday hug just a regular ever day hug. If it were in fact someone's birthday, then this might be a nice thing to do on such a day. But since it isn't this is just a regular old hug," he chuckled as I tried to pull away to punch him.

"Fuck off, Jake. I will leave!" I growled at him, trying to sound menacing. It probably came across as mildly pathetic and deranged. He just laughed me off.

"Stop swinging your fists. You will only hurt yourself, little one," he said, patting me on the head in the most patronizing way ever. _God I hate him._

_"_Wow. Aren't you Mr. Sensitive today," I grumbled as he dragged me towards the garage, his sanctuary away from Billy, away from the Pack, away from everything else.

"I wasn't trying to be sensitive. I was trying to be funny." I laughed at him.

"_Trying_ being the key word, Jake. Didn't really work out for you this time. Sorry, buddy," I said while clipping him lightly on the jaw. He gave me an injured look before dropping down onto the old, car seat that was against the far wall. Jake had finished his car ages ago and no longer kept it in the garage except to work on it. Now, there was extra space. I stood staring at him speculatively as he sprawled his long legs in front of him.

"Sit," he ordered pulling me into him.

"What, now you're a chair?" I asked feeling slightly uncomfortable with the close contact. I tried to squirm out of his warm arms, but as usual they held fast.

"Bells, relax. I am not trying to molest you. I am just playing around. You seem pissed and this is me trying to comfort you," he said, holding me closer to prove his point.

Things with Jacob had always been a bit blurry, when it came to defining our relationship. It always depended on which of the two of us you asked. To me we were friends, best friends, or at least the closest thing to a best friend that I could let myself have. If you asked him, we were a possibility.

Since I first moved to Forks there had been no shortage of unwanted affections, be it from Mike Newton or Jacob Black, but I only had eyes for the dead. Anything that has a beating heart and bleeds when you stab it is definitely out of the question. I need a boyfriend whose idea of a wet dream is ripping out my throat and draining me in three seconds flat. So naturally, Jacob's interest had never really been encouraged. I was far too busy playing the good, little girlfriend to my brooding boyfriend to ever pay Jacob any special attention. But when Edward left me, when they ALL left me, I latched onto Jacob trying to maintain some form of control over my life.

Edward had always been too good for me. I had idolized him to the most extreme degree during our relationship. So much so, that it actually tore me apart when he confirmed my thoughts; that I wasn't good enough for him. I was good enough for Jake. I needed that to ground me. I needed to be wanted. I didn't want to be fucking protected anymore, I didn't want to be controlled, and I sure as fucking hell didn't want to be talked down to.

With Jacob things are simple, he tells it like it is. He is protective of me, but trusts me enough to make choices even if they are the wrong ones. He is reckless so it is easy to be reckless with him. I can't even count how many times his stunts, _our stunts_, have landed me in the hospital. I am always the one hurt, and he is always the one dragging my bleeding ass to the hospital. It is a lovely comfortable pattern, but sometimes it gets too comfortable. He has made it abundantly clear that his feelings extend beyond friendship, but me saying 'no' doesn't stop him from feeling that way. It had started out with me having a controlled, stable friendship changing into me trying desperately to cling to a friendship and not hurt someone I actually care about. As hard as I try to act strong and not let people in, I consistently fail.

There is a hard shell that I have built up to protect myself, to protect the part of me that was blown to pieces when he said he didn't love me anymore. What hurt the most, the digging nagging fact that was like rubbing salt in a never healing wound, is that anytime my guard falters or my mask slips a little or my heart beats a little faster, a little too fast, all I can think is _I love you. I miss you. Come back. Please, please come back. _It hurts to be so weak. I want to be okay with it, to be able to hear someone say his name without flinching, to think about our time together without feeling hollow, so completely painfully gutted. I gave so much of myself to him and up for him that when he left, he gave none of it back. He took it all with him whether I liked it or not. I want to be able to shrug it off. Asshole left and then move on. Instead, I am stuck in this middle of nowhere gap. Cold and empty. So cold, he was cold. I don't want to be anything like him. I want to be warm.

I had stopped trying to squirm out of Jake's arms and rested my head on his chest, letting the heat radiate through me. Good little pup makes for a nice space heater. I would curl up next to him and never let him go, if only he didn't take that as an invitation to love me. I don't want love. I HATE LOVE, but it's too late.

"I'm sorry," I whispered not wanting him to hear it, but needing to say it all the same. He paused the slow circular rhythm his monster hand was making on my back.

"For what?" He asked, his voice hard.

"For everything," I said, trying to suffocate my own words as they escaped. He shifted my body so that I was facing him.

"Everything? Bella, you haven't done anything!" He looked at me with concern. I didn't want to explain. I didn't want to tell him what I am sorry for. That I don't tell him things. That I lie about how I feel. I am sorry that I let him comfort me even though he doesn't realize the reason behind it. I am sorry that I use him to fill the empty space in my chest, that I used him to warm me from my head down to the tips of my toes, or that I am sorry that I can't love him like he loves me. That I won't even try. I am sorry that I keep coming back, and that I won't stop coming back. Even though I know when he realizes that I won't love him, it will hurt him. When he realizes how selfish I am, he will hate me. I am sorry that I can't make myself tell him this because I can't lose control. I need him like glue. I need something to hold me together because I am too fucking pathetic to do it myself. He will realize this and hate me. He will realize this and leave me. Then, I will crumble into the shattered fragments that I really am, and I will truly be as dead as Edward.

Soulless.  
Heartless.  
Feeding off of someone else.  
Monster.

"I know, but I am sorry all the same," I replied softly as he resumed rubbing circles on my back.


	3. In the Rain

**AN- I don't own Twilight that is still all SM. Thank you for your reviews, for adding me to your alerts and favourites. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!**

My Beta is better than yours! Thanks to EchoingWinter! 

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Chapter 3

My truck shuddered beneath me as a loud popping and hissing noise issued from the back passenger side. The back felt like it dropped several inches before I seemed to struggle for control. The screeching noise increased signaling metal on pavement as I eased on the breaks trying to remain on the road, not into a tree.

_FUCK! SHIT!__ MOTHER FUCKER! GOD DAMMIT!_

A flat tire. As I screeched, literally, to a stop on the shoulder of the deserted highway, I stared menacingly out at the pouring rain. I had to get a flat tire while it was pouring fucking rain. Well actually, that isn't all that uncommon in Forks. I am miles away from anything. Fucking hell, I choose to go see Jake and this is what I get?

It had been two weeks since I last saw him which is a huge deal for us. I am usually unable to keep away from him for a day; fourteen was a little bit intense. After my birthday I had just felt a little lost, a little out of control. I missed the safety of my relationship with Jake, and it just felt like everything was getting too complicated. So, I distanced myself. It didn't go unnoticed. Charlie harassed me into going out there today to spend quality time with Jake. I had tried to use work as an excuse, but that didn't work so well considering my days off. Besides, since I graduated last year, there really is nothing keeping me busy. I couldn't exactly be like: _Hey Charlie! I am too busy sitting in my room feeling sorry for myself to go visit my ONLY friend_.

Groaning, I pulled the hood of my sweater up, tucking my unruly hair in, and stepped out into the downpour. No cellphone. No other cars. No psychic vampire to help. I wish I didn't feel so alone, but I was. Hurrying to the back of my truck, I popped the hatch and climbed up into the bed to get the spare tire. Thank fucking God for Jacob. I was not allowed to continue with my abysmal lack of knowledge when it came to cars. Being his friend was like taking a crash course in mechanics. When he found out that I didn't even know how to change a tire, I thought he was going to explode. The safety concerns were enough push him close to phasing. Boys. Or maybe it's just werewolves and vampires?

_"What do you mean you don't know how to change your own goddamn tire, Bells?" Jake growled at me._

_"Why would I know how?" I asked, trying to contain my laugh as he was now shaking with disbelief._

_"Didn't that fucking leech teach you anything? For a boyfriend who was meant to be severely overprotective, you'd think he would have taught you a thing or two about taking care of yourself." His words hit me like a slap in the face. _

_"Thanks a fucking lot, Jake. Like I needed any other reminders of how much he DIDN'T actually care about me," I hissed out at him, my anger hiding my pain. I used to be a terrible liar, but now my emotions were so confused it was easy to use one to cover the other._ _Anger_ _was my default emotion. I wasn't going to cry anymore._

Fucking spare tire was a heavy fucker. I dragged it to the edge of the truck bed, trying not to slip on the wet metal. I carefully climbed down pulling the tire with me. So far so good. Right, until my feet hit a patch of mud and flew out from beneath me. I landed with a loud thud right on my ass. I couldn't help my reaction. Laughter bubbled up and built in me uncontrollably. I couldn't take any more. I am sitting in the mud, soaking wet with a tire crushing my leg, alone in the middle of nowhere. I just couldn't control my manic laughter.

"Want to let me in on the joke?" A smooth, familiar voice purred from behind me. I froze. Three things happened all at once. I forgot how to breath, my heart tried to break out of my chest, and my skin burnt hot with a flash fire of anger. Anger that I couldn't even think of the one voice I wanted to hear so badly. Anger that I was dreaming up the next best thing. I couldn't make myself turn around. If I had to look into a pair of amber eyes, I was going to lose it and I would go fucking insane if they weren't his eyes.

"Sorry to disappoint, Darlin'," he said softly, closer now. I felt a wave of calm wash over me as I dropped my face to my knees. "Bella, look at me," he whispered. I could feel him behind me.

"Jasper?" I choked out without lifting me head.

"Yes?"

"Please leave me alone," I said in a hard voice, pulling all of my determination to the forefront of my emotions so he would feel no hesitation from me.

"Not until you look at me, Bella," he said firmly. A thousand thoughts were burning through my mind: _Why is he here? Why wouldn't he leave? Are they all back? What if they are all back? Why does it still hurt so much? _I felt him reach over me and lift the tire off my leg, no doubt with great ease. Not that the tire was really hurting my leg. I was just too shocked to move it. I kept my face buried in my arms, resting on my free leg and trying to muster up the courage to make myself look up. _Why is it so hard?_ Still, more minutes passed with the noise of him changing my tire for me. I still knew I didn't want to look at him. I wanted this to be in my head, to be able to walk away from this and blame it on my delusional fucking mind. **THEY ARE NOT BACK!** **THEY DON'T CARE!**** I DON'T CARE! I DON'T WANT THEM BACK! I DON'T WANT HIM BACK!**

"I need you to look at me," he said softly after the shortest period of time ever. Stupid fucking vampires and their stupid fucking speed and strength. He changed a fucking tire in seconds where as it would have taken me forever. I knew how to do it. Doesn't mean I was good at doing it.

"I could have done that myself," I grumbled. He chuckled softly.

"Bella," his tone was demanding now.

"Why?" I whispered, my voice cracking. FUCK! Way to sound pathetic.

"Because you need to believe that I am really here, and I need to apologize." His voice was now desperate. He had to feel it coming because my blood boiled. The anger that had been swirling underneath the surface exploded.

"Apologize? FUCK! You abandoned me. YOU ALL FUCKING ABANDONED ME! You show up a year later after I have gone through fucking hell, and you think I want a goddamn apology? You're a fucking idiot!" I screamed, my eyes flashing up to meet his butterscotch eyes that were wide with shock. I tried to hold onto my anger, to hold onto anything, but his eyes were melting my fucking bones. So, I dropped my face back to my knees.

"I didn't mean... Fuck, Bella. My apology wasn't going to be for leaving," he said in a flustered voice. A flustered vampire? Really? There's something new! I thought they were all as cool as fucking cucumbers all the time. I mean, Edward barely batted a fucking eyelash as he ripped out my heart.

"Jasper?" I asked quietly, my rage quickly being overrun with my sadness.

"Yes?" He asked, still sounding rather frustrated.

"Please. Just leave?" I asked, but it sounded more like begging. I felt him leave before I heard his parting words, they drifted back on the wind.

"I am sorry."

He was gone.  
Again.


	4. Bloodlust and Lies

**AN-- SM still owns everything. I wish I could own Jasper. Mmm! So this is obviously before Jasper makes his appearance in Forks and changes Bella's tire. Like I said, this isn't going to happen overnight so don't expect any Jasper/Bella declarations of love in the next few chapters. This is a slow build.**

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed thus far, they really do motivate me to write faster, plus I l.o.v.e to know what people are thinking after they read each chapter and how they are reacting to my version of the characters!!! Thank you to my Beta EchoingWinter!!  


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Chapter 4

**Jasper POV**

Nothing was the same anymore. My family was so torn apart. Edward. Fuck. Who cares where Edward is anymore? Probably curled up in some corner feeling sorry for himself. I couldn't help but feel incredibly sick at what we had done. I can't even say at what **he** had done because it was all of us. **We** left. **We** left someone that **we **had brought into our family and had come to care about just because Edward had decided, no, ordered us to. I would have said no, but attacking her over a stupid fucking paper cut had severely diminished my backbone.

It had always been like this. Carlisle was the head of the coven, but really Edward being his first "son" had all the control. He simply had to sigh and the entire family would fawn over him, petting his head, telling him what a good little vampire he was just so that he would feel better.

To say I missed** him **would be a lie. It was nice to have free reign with my thoughts without having to worry about what he would hear, and whether or not he was going to run and tell "mummy" and "daddy" what a bad boy I was thinking of being. He would throw a fit if he heard my most recent daydream.

The soft skin of her neck.  
Running my nose along her jaw.  
Breathing in her scent with wild abandon.  
Placing my ice cold lips on her flaming hot skin and gently sucking her vein to the surface.  
Feeling her heart beat so fast and hard, it reverberated through my entire body.

Her heartbeat was my heartbeat. God, I would love to have a heartbeat. Then, my fantasy darkens and the venom pools in my mouth as my razor sharp teeth cut into her peaches and cream skin. She isn't struggling. She wants this. She wants to feed me. She wants to warm me. She wants me. Her want warms me more then the blood that pours freely into my mouth. Her want makes my body sing. Her blood sets my dead body on fire. Every nerve ending, every dusty organ is shocked alive by my deep satisfaction.

It was always the same girl, a stranger who wasn't so strange. Someone I knew, but couldn't place. I kept replaying the dreaming in my head over and over, but I never saw more then her neck. I felt her body against mine, small and weak. Who the fuck is she? Why couldn't I forget about it?

I do miss Emmett and Rose. They have been gone since we left Forks. I miss how happy Esme is when her family is together. I miss how happy Alice was with Bella, and how happy she used to be with me. I miss how happy I used to be with her.

Thinking of Bella brought a strange guilty ache in my chest. I wish I had the chance to tell her how sorry I am. The last time she saw me I was out of my mind, insane over something as small as a paper cut. I tried to drain her. God, I had wanted to so badly. Her blood was... I can't think about it without the venom pooling in my mouth. Disgusting. I want to eat someone who is part of my family. How fucking deranged am I? But god, she smelt so fucking good!

"It's all gone! It's all black! I can't see!" Alice yelled from across the room. I hated seeing her so angry. Alice. My Alice. She used to be so happy and excited all the time. Fuck! I should know. Her happiness ran through me. It made me strong. It made me happy just to feel her happiness.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, worried about the glare she gave me. She swore she forgave me and that she didn't hate me for what happened with Bella, but I am not sure that's true. I can still feel her resentment at having to leave. I can still feel her pain. Shit. If I haven't forgiven myself, why the hell should I expect her to?

"I get glimpses of Bella's future. I know I am not meant to be looking and at first I swear I wasn't, but I was just so worried about her. But now, it's black. It's all black. I don't know what it means. The worst part about it, is that it's the same with you!" She spoke, her eyes avoiding mine at the end.

"Same as me. What are you talking about?" I asked her in a harsh tone.

"Ever since we left Forks, I haven't been able to see you. Only you. I can still see everyone else. At first, you were just getting a little blurry. Unfocused, like you were trying to make a choice and I was only seeing the possibilities not the cold hard future. I thought it was because of what happened and thought maybe you were thinking of leaving Carlisle, but then you just stopped like you no longer existed." Her words had me reeling.

"Does this mean that I am... Does it mean that Bella... What the fuck does this mean, Alice?" I growled, taking hold of her arms to force her to answer me.

"I don't know what it means. It's like you two don't have a future anymore. With you, it felt like you were getting far away, fading. I got the feeling that it meant that you were getting further and further away from your future," she whispered, her eyes focused on the ground.

"What do you see about your future?" I asked her calmly though deep down I felt like I knew the answer already.

"At first it was patchy, same as yours. I thought that something was wrong with my gift, but then the parts of my future that didn't have you in it were always clear as glass. Jasper, I never expected this to happen. I tried to stop it from happening," she rambled.

"I am not in your future. Am I?" A strange calm washed over me as I waited for her answer, already knowing.

"No. You haven't been for a long time," she said. I stared at her for the longest time, trying to place what she was saying. We were done? I had never considered my life outside of Alice. She told me what the future held, and I followed it like a play we had rehearsed. I felt so secure with her, secure that she always knew when something was going to go wrong and stop it. She was everything. I needed her faith in me. It stopped me from killing. Her faith in me guided me to this lifestyle, but it wasn't really faith. Was it? She knew like she knew everything else. She knew what to do to make me into what she wanted. She had the future all mapped out, and I just followed along. Now, with my future blank, where would I go? Could I survive without her?

"Alice, please," a strangled plea.

"I'm sorry. I tried to stop this. I tried to make it forever, but it was never meant to last," she said as she place her small hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into her familiar touch. Then, it hit me.

"How long have you known?" I asked, stepping back from her.

"I told you, since we left Forks. I didn't want you to worry," she said. Actually, she lied.

"You said you tried to stop this, but it was **never** meant to last. You knew before. Didn't you? From the beginning?"

"Yes," she whimpered, "I am sorry. I saw us to a point. As time went on, our break up changed. I came up with ways to change it, but it never did anything other then buy us time."

"Why the fuck did you even bother? If it was a lost cause, then why cause me more pain? If you knew you were going to leave me, then why the fuck did you drag me along with you all these years?"

"Jazz, it wasn't me who left you, ever. All the millions of different times I saw, replaying in my head, it was you who left me. It broke my heart every time. At first, you left because you couldn't handle the diet. Then, you left because you resented that I made your choices for you. Then, you left because of Edward. I could go on. There were so many different reasons. I tried so hard to side step all of these to make you happy with me, to make you love me, but it never worked. Until I stopped seeing you at all." In seconds, I had her in my arms in my iron grip. Nothing could break it. I was never letting go.

"But, I do love you. I have always loved you. Don't leave me. I promise I won't ever leave you. Just, please stay," I said, covering her face and neck in desperate kisses.

"Jasper, I'm sorry. After I stopped seeing you and realized we didn't have a future and there was nothing I could do to stop that, I started to see what lay ahead for me. I am going to be happy, Jazz."

"What about me?" I whimpered.

"I know you will be too. You just need to get your future back," she said leaning into my chest.


	5. I need Redemption

**AN-- Thank you to all of you, wonderful reviewers. Being my first story, I never understood the drive of reviews but they really help push you. Also gives a nice little ego boost when you are lacking! Sorry for a rambling AN. I was feeling like a display of my love and affection was needed! Thanks for reading. **

**Many Thanks to my Beta EchoingWinter.**

**So this, of course, is where I tell all you lovely people about what I don't own. I don't own Twilight (well I own the books), and I don't own Jasper (God I wish I did. I am all about saving a horse!). What I do own is my laptop, a few chewed pens, loads of books, and uh… nothing else. Pretty much, I am a starving student!**

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Chapter 5

**Jasper POV**

Now, I just feel like shit. All this 'vampires are mated for life' stuff is apparently bullshit. Bonded. Can't be broken. Vampires don't change. What the fuck? The vampire that is spewing this crap really needs to meet my fucking family.

My wife of several decades leaves me because she has a vision that I am going to leave her. So, she fucking gives up on me and then has another vision that she is better of without me. Fuck! Way to kick me when I am down darlin'!

Then, there's my perpetually pissy "brother" who "mated" with a human who he then just up and left. Bella is supposed to be his soul mate. Edward probably destroyed her, knocking her down from the outrageously high pedestal he had forced her kicking and screaming on. So much for unbreakable, fucking bond.

When you love someone that's IT. You don't, no, you CAN'T leave them. You do everything you can to make them happy because with them you are happy. Love makes you hold on tight and never want to let go. REAL love is unbreakable, REAL FUCKING LOVE. This vampire bullshit is a joke.

Every moment with Alice, I never doubted my love of her or my need for her. I don't care what she saw, I would never have left her. She doesn't even know what's going on with her visions now, so who knows. Maybe that vision was wrong. All the times she saw me leaving were just her insecurities. Maybe I didn't tell her I love her enough. I would say it a million times a day, an hour, a second if she would just take me back.

Nothing was right anymore.

*****************

I don't remember making a conscious choice to come here. To come home. This was the last place that _felt_ like home. Everyone was happy here. Okay, not everyone. I don't think Edward really knows how to be happy, but everyone was together. I was loved here, I loved here, I felt endless waves of love surround me. HOME.

Being here brought back the guilty ache in my chest. I didn't quite understand its persistent nagging. I needed to see Bella. I needed to know if she was okay, alive, functioning, living. I felt a deranged kinship with her. Both of our "mates" screwed us over, leaving us. I just wanted to help her, but a larger part of me knew that I couldn't fix what Edward did. I couldn't help her. She wouldn't want me to. I doubt she would even want to see me or any of us again. Just a giant fucking reminder that: 1. I tried to eat her, and 2. My family abandoned her after we constantly told her how important she was to us. We didn't exactly deserve any trust or faith from her. I didn't deserve anything but her screaming and running in the other direction! But fuck me, I needed to see her. I need her to be okay. If she could survive this, maybe I could to. Maybe finding her would help me find out what the fuck was wrong with my future. Apparently, we are in the same fucking boat.

I needed to do this in the best possible way. I needed a casual contact with her, tell her I am sorry, gauge her feelings, and then she can run screaming all she wants. Jesus, I hope she doesn't scream. I could always do this the Edward way. No contact just stalking her from afar like some psycho. Okay, definitely not the Edward way. I wasn't going to creep into her room like a burglar just to get my own satisfaction. I wouldn't be so fucking selfish. I wanted her to get what she needed from me, if she needed anything. Even if it was just to tell me she hated us, hated me, call me a monster, call me anything she fucking wanted to, I just needed to see her.

**********************

I used to be brave. I have no idea what happened. I was Major Jasper Whitlock. Fuck me if I wasn't tough shit, but a little human girl has me terrified. I can't hurt her. I won't hurt her. I can't, but God she smells great.

_My cold lips on her, scorching skin, kissing a trail from her jaw down her delicate neck. Her pulse point begging for me to come. The vein, clear as day, beneath her porcelain skin. So easy._

_My hand slid up from her waist into her long soft hair, holding her body flush with mine as I gently pulled the vein to the surface. I felt a shiver run up her spine as she leaned further into me, begging me to continue. Lifting my face, I whisper softly into her ear, "I need you." And I did._

_Every nerve in my body was dying for her. Trailing my nose from her ear, back to her neck, I breathe in her delicious scent. There was no venom in my mouth, and for some reason, this seemed right as I sunk my teeth into her soft skin. She let out a whimper of relief, not pain, as her hot blood cooled the burn in my scorched throat. Her sultry blood warming every inch of my cold, dead body. Waves of desire rolled off her, crashing into me._

_Everything was right._

The same fantasy replayed in my mind, changing slightly every time. I had no idea where it was coming from. It wasn't like vampires could dream; it wasn't like we could sleep. I needed to get this mystery meal out of my head because it was severely hurting my chances of leaving Bella alive. Blood is bad. Human blood is very bad. Don't hurt humans. Don't eat Bella. Don't eat Bella. Please God, don't eat Bella.

These thoughts were still thundering through my head when I heard the distinct roar of her truck. _Was that thing still alive?_ She was peeling down the highway. It had to be her. It calmed me that seeing her would be so easy. I didn't even have to go looking for her. Edward was right. Trouble is drawn to her.

I had been scouting the woods, taking in the Cullen territory, to check that no other scents had come across our land. Other vampires would not be so great for Bella, for anyone in Forks really. I heard the loud, hissing pop of her tire and panicked, running full speed to the edge of the forest. I saw her truck make it safely to the shoulder.

_Okay, Whitlock, calm down. What did you expect? It is just a flat tire, not a big deal._

I could hear her muttering a string of profanities that I never expected to leave her innocent, little mouth. I couldn't help but laugh. She was murderous. God was she angry. Apparently, flat tires really piss Bella off! I was trying to decide how to approach her without looking like a complete stalker. Walking out from the woods like I had been following her might not be the best way to break the ice, but it's the only choice I have right now. I could change her tire for her. Maybe that would soften her up?

I watched curiously as she climbed into the bed of her truck, and her little frame struggled to pull the large tire out with her. Clumsy Bella, wet metal, and a heavy tire were enough to have me worried. Her movements seemed hesitant and cautious. She was watching each of her steps with exaggerated slowness. Smart girl. I was almost shocked. I felt like I should have clapped for her when she made it out of the truck without killing herself. I felt her momentary relief and triumph until she stepped forward, bringing the tire with her, and hit a patch of mud. Her feet slipped clear from under her as she hit the ground with a resounding thud. My dead heart skipped a beat. I should have caught her, but I am not allowed to touch her. I am not allowed near her. Edward always made that abundantly clear. Bella was his. Bella was a human. I was weak. I was a monster. I was not allowed to go near her.

It felt insanely unfair that out of the entire family, I was the only one who hadn't gotten to know her. She seemed hesitant when situations forced us together, not fully comfortable, so I respected Edward's orders. Then when we had to leave, I was relieved that I hadn't been allowed close. Everyone, with the exception of Rose, was heartbroken. I was not so attached, or so I thought. Why was I the only one that came back to her?

A strange, semi-hysterical laugh bubbled up in her, echoing out like bells. It was a twisted laughter, not the innocent happy one I remembered. It made my stomach drop.

"Want to let me in on the joke?" I asked, stepping out from the woods. She sat soaking wet in the mud with the heavy tire resting uncomfortably on her left leg. When I spoke, I saw and felt her reaction. Her shoulders tensed. Her body was frozen and rigid. Her emotions were shock, disbelief, anger… fuck, so much anger! Then it hit me, and I felt her disappointment melt my bones. I wanted to hug her.

_Jasper, don't touch._

I inched forward and crouched behind her, warring with my self. I wanted to comfort her, but I can't. I can't hurt her.

"Sorry to disappoint, Darlin'," I said softly, hoping she would look at me but she dropped her head to the arm that was resting on her right knee. Hiding her face, disbelief was coursing through her, mixing with her anger. "Bella, look at me." I was begging now. I hope she could hear that in my voice. I needed to see her forgive me. I needed to see her eyes and know she was still alive in there, somewhere. I needed to be selfish and know that I didn't kill her, not in the draining her blood from her body sense but the crushing of her spirit sense.

"Jasper?" She asked. Her voice seemed thick and strangled, but determined.

"Yes?"

"Please leave me alone." I could find no hole in her request. She didn't want me here. She didn't want to talk to me. I had expected this. I knew she wouldn't forgive me, couldn't forgive me, but I was still so entirely crushed. I needed this. I needed to move on. I needed Alice. If I could get Bella to forgive me, maybe I could get my future back. Then, maybe Alice would see that we were still meant to be together. I needed Bella to do this more than I needed blood to survive, more than she needed her heart to beat, more than the sun needs to set.

"Not until you look at me, Bella." Why was she being so damn stubborn? She didn't respond. She just sat there, hunched over as the rain beat down on us. She looked so broken, but all I could feel was anger, disbelief, and more anger. No sadness. Maybe she was over it. Maybe she had moved on, and now I am just bringing up old demons. Such a fucking asshole, but I still wasn't about to leave.

I leaned over and grabbed the tire off her leg. She was so small, and the tire looked so big like it was crushing her. I flitted over, removing the bolts from the flat, lifting the back of the truck with a loud groaning noise from the decrepit frame as I removed the old one, and replaced the new one securing the bolts. Part of my mind noted how much I would have loved to see Bella attempt that. Does she even know how to change a tire? She still hadn't looked up. Fuck this. She was going to look at me if we had to sit in the pouring rain all fucking day.

"I need you to look at me," I demanded. I felt her irritation and anger, and then resentment. Resentment for what?

"I could have done that myself," she grumbled out. Okay, big mistake. She did know how to change a tire, resentment that I had done it for her. Edward had never let her do anything on her own. I should have asked her if she needed help. Instead, I assumed she needed it. I chuckled at my own stupidity. Small, weak Bella wasn't an idiot, but she was irritatingly stubborn.

"Bella?" _LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME NOW!_

"Why?" She barely squeaked out, followed instantly by more irritation. Her emotions are so different now, harsher.

"Because you need to believe that I am really here, and I need to apologize." _Because it's the only way to get Alice back_. Instantly, I felt like I should step back, maybe run away. Her anger exploded out of her in white rage, stronger than any emotion I have ever felt from her before.

"Apologize? FUCK! You abandoned me. YOU ALL FUCKING ABANDONED ME! You show up a year later, after I have gone through fucking hell, and you think I want a goddamn apology? You're a fucking idiot." Her words cut through me, and I had to hold back a whimper as her eyes flashed to mine. Her normal, chocolate eyes were dark with so much fire and anger. Her eyes held my gaze for a moment as the fire that had burned so strongly dwindled and died, and I felt her sadness creep up and her eyes looked empty as she dropped her head to her knee again. I could feel her trying to push the sadness back with anger, trying to cover it, protect herself.

"I didn't mean... Fuck, Bella. My apology wasn't going to be for leaving." Was that all she was angry at me for? I thought trying to kill someone was kind of a big deal? But I am sorry for everything, sorry for anything and everything that she is feeling. I struggled to try and find the right words to tell her just how sorry I was.

"Jasper?" Her tone was broken and resigned.

"Yes?" I still couldn't think of anyway to comfort her. She deserved more than excuses. I would not blame this on Edward, on my family, or on being a vampire. I should have stayed. I knew it was wrong to leave. I felt it. I felt it in the emotions of my entire family and deep in myself. There is no excuse for that. I was so frustrated with myself.

"Please, just leave," her voice begged me. Her emotions were on the brink. She was trying to be strong. She was strong and so broken. I felt like such a selfish bastard. I turned to leave. I wouldn't hurt her anymore.

"I am sorry," I whispered as I sped away, away from my last chance. My only redemption.

***************

Each step away from her strong beating heart broke my dead one a little more.  
Each step closer to my empty future, killed me.  
Alice, My Alice.  
It was over.

I collapsed to the forest floor, dry sobs racking through me. I felt so hollow. Something was missing, something big. Something I couldn't live without ever. It was Alice. It had to be Alice.

I am alone.


	6. What Is Important

**AN: I don't own Twilight. I don't own any of the characters in this story. This story is still going to have a lot of Jacob in it. I don't like it when he just gets disregarded. Jake was there for Bella when Edward left, and they formed a really strong relationship. She would have to be a pretty huge bitch to just throw him away the minute a vampire comes to town. Also, my previous update I posted two chapters in the same day. So, there are two chapters from Jaspers POV that bring him up to date with Bella's time line. If you didn't read them both make sure you do before reading on! Thank you to my Beta EchoingWinter!!!**

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Chapter 6

**Bella POV**

FUCK!  
FUCK!  
FUCK!

Stupid, fucking vampires. I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn't even hear the sound of a car pulling over. All of a sudden I felt a pair of strong arms lifting me out of the mud, bringing most of it with me.

"What happened?" Jake asked, his voice dripping in panic.

"Ugh, Jake, put me down," I said, squirming in his arms until he set me on my feet.

"Why the fuck are you sitting in the mud?"

"I dunno. I got bored of my truck?" I said sarcastically.

"Funny. Seriously, I was worried. Charlie called Billy to let him know you were on your way over an hour ago. When you didn't show, I got worried. What the fuck have you been doing?"

"I got a flat tire, I slipped and fell, then you showed up," I said, avoiding his eyes as I skimmed over the important details. Jake walked around to where the flat tire lay beside my truck.

"You changed this? Good job," he said, inspecting 'my' work, "I knew I was a good teacher." He was pretty much patting himself on the back. Then the wind changed, and his shoulders went rigid.

"Not exactly," I said quietly, knowing that he could smell Jasper on my truck.

"Get in my car, Bella," he said, ignoring me as he looked around.

"Jake," I started but was interrupted.

"Get in the fucking car, Bella. We will talk about this later." Oh lovely, I love being told what to do by a sixteen-year-old BRAT!

"Fuck that! I am not going anywhere until you calm down and listen. Stop shaking like a maniac, you big idiot," I growled out at him. I would have hit him, but that would have just hurt me.

"Explain," he barked out, staring me down.

"Like I said, I got a flat tire. I pulled over and while getting ready to change the tire, I slipped." He interrupted, again.

"Get to the part where the fucking leech shows up. NOW!"

"Jake, I get that you are worried and a little deranged, but calm the fuck down. If you don't stop talking to me like that, then I am just going to leave and you can guess the ending to the story." I glared at him, daring him to say anything else. He stood, silently fuming. His fists clenched, still shaking. Fucking DOGS!

"I slipped on the mud, one of the Cullens came out of the woods, changed the tire for me, and left." That was all he needed to know.

"Which Cullen?" _Not the one I want._

"Jasper" I answered.

"Is he the big one?" He asked.

"No, the blond one."

"Are they all back?" He demanded. He really wanted to know if Edward was back.

"I didn't ask. We didn't really have a heart-to-heart out here in the pouring rain," I said, rolling my eyes.

"What did he say?"

"That he was sorry. That was it."

Jake snorted, "Sorry? Wow. That really makes it all better, right? God, don't you just feel that apology wash away the last year of your life? Now things can go back to normal! You can resume dating the damned, and everything will be fan-fucking-tastic!" He shouted at me.

"I didn't accept it," I said quietly.

"What?"

"I didn't accept his apology. I didn't even want to talk to him. I asked him to leave me alone. I meant it! I am not getting back with Edward even if he is back. I don't want anything to do with that fucking family." As badly as I want him, as much as part of me still loves him, a greater part of me is so hurt and so filled with anger at Edward for leaving me, for stringing me along in some stupid game. A funny human distraction. Well, someone should have told him it is bad to play with your food.

"Yeah right, Bella. I am not a fucking idiot. You are not over him. He just needs to show up with a half-assed apology and declarations of his undying fucking love, and you would melt," he said, picking up the flat and tossing it, not so gently, into the back of my truck.

"I never claimed to be over him, Jake, but I am fucking through with him. I am not an idiot. Edward is bad for me. He was always bad for me. He isn't a mistake I would make twice, and you are assuming he would even want me back. We both **know** that he won't. He made it crystal clear before he left just how little I actually meant to him, and his family made it abundantly clear how unimportant I was."

Jake growled, "For his sake, he better not be back or I am going to fucking rip..."

"Stop. I don't want to talk about this anymore," I begged, "I am just going home. Sorry Jake." I quickly hugged him then jumped into my truck and pulled away. Please GOD, don't let Edward be back. Please, please, please. One Cullen was bad enough please don't make me see him. I am not sure I can handle that. If I had just stayed calm for three seconds with Jasper, I might have been able to get some answers, answers I need. Why are they back? Who is back? Why was it Jasper who came to see me?

After a few Cullen free days, I was a little less worried. The day after the truck incident, I had been on edge. Every customer that came into Newton's had me, damn near, jumping out of my skin until I saw that it wasn't any of them. Jasper was probably just passing through and ran into me, and now was out of town. I mean, what was there left here for him? For any of them?

I had to spend way too much time begging, actually more like yelling at Jacob to convince him not to go and confront Jasper. I don't even want to count how many times I got the Wolves Good - Vampires Bad speech. It didn't matter what they were or where they were as long as they stayed the hell away from me!

Today was another work day. I was working full time at Newton's, saving up some money to go to school next year. I had fucked myself over after Edward left like a pathetic idiot, hoping for way too long that he would come back. Blowing all my money on stupid stunts. The only thing that I bought that was worth a damn were the motorcycles. It hurt Charlie to see me so sad. It wasn't until Charlie got sick that I snapped out of it.

_"Hey, Dad! I'm home!" I called out as I stepped in the front door. All of the lights were on and the TV was blaring, but Charlie wasn't at his usual place in front of it. I trudged into the kitchen to see what unhealthy game snack he was making for himself. I had been trying to get him to eat a little better since Harry Clearwater's heart attack. He wasn't in the kitchen. My stomach dropped a little, but I was just overreacting. He was probably just in the bathroom or something._

_"Dad?" I said getting a little more concerned. It had been eight minutes now. I took the stairs two at a time since the bathroom downstairs was empty. I reached the top landing of the staircase and screamed, "DAD!" _

_I ran over to his body. He was lying unconscious in the middle of the hallway. I checked his pulse as I sobbed, begging him to wake up and be okay. He was still alive, his pulse was faint, and he was breathing._

_"Dad, wake up! Please, wake up. Daddy, I need you," I begged. I ran into his bedroom and grabbed the phone, pulling it as far as the cord would go so that I could be close to him._

_"911, what's your emergency?" The operator asked._

_"My Dad," I sobbed barely able to catch my breath, "he isn't waking up. He's on the floor. Please help! He is all I have. Please help!" I begged the stranger._

_"Okay, sweetie. What's your name?" She asked in a calm and soothing voice. What the fuck did my name matter? Charlie was hurt. _

"_Bella Swan," I choked out._

_"Chief Swan's daughter?" She asked with more concern in her voice. Of course she would know Charlie. He was the Chief of Police._

"_Yes, please help," I begged her again. Why wasn't she doing anything?_

_"Okay, Bella. I need you to stay calm. An ambulance is on their way. Is he breathing?"_

_"Yes." Sobs wracked through my entire body as I sat on the phone next to my dad's still body. God, please just let him wake up. I would do anything for him just to wake up._

_"Bella, sweetie, it's okay. They will be there soon,"__the soothing voice of the operator. I could hear the sirens coming towards my house. I knew it must have only been a few minutes, but it seemed to take__hours as I gripped Charlie's hand trying with everything in me to somehow tie him to me, hold him here, with me forever._

_"Please don't leave me. Not you too," I begged, my voice broken and cracked from crying._

_Three EMTs came up the stairs towards us, two men and a female. The female took the receiver, speaking to the operator as I sobbed, my head spinning. One of the men started to check his pulse and breathing, putting an oxygen mask over his face and cutting open his shirt. I could hardly breath as I watched them try and save his life. I wanted to beg them, offer them everything if they would just save him. I would spend the rest of my life working to repay them. The female came over._

_"Bella?" She asked in a calm and firm voice, "Bella, I need you to calm down. You need to breathe." Breathe? Right? How do I do that? I couldn't breathe, not anymore. My chest was so empty. There wasn't just a hole; there was nothing. Everything in my life was disappearing._

_"Bella? If you don't stop hyperventilating, you are going to pass out," she said firmly, shifting my position so my head was between my legs as she rubbed my back, "take a deep breath in and let it out." I did as she asked. "Good girl, again." I did what she told me and started to calm down. "We are taking your Dad to the hospital," she said as the two male EMTs started to load him on to the stretcher. "You will go in the ambulance with him." It wasn't a question. She knew I wasn't in a state to be driving. She helped me to my feet as I watched the EMTs carry my dad down the stairs. He had wires sticking off his chest and an IV in his arm. I wanted to throw up._

_"Keep breathing, Bella," she said as I turned as green as the needle in my fathers hand._

Everything after that was pretty much a blur; everything happening too fast but not fast enough. I remember calling Jake. I remember how he got to me incredibly fast. I don't even want to think of all the traffic violations that it took. I didn't even care. He wrapped his warm arms around me and held me, and that was all that I needed to stay sane.

I remember the doctor coming out and telling me that Charlie had a stroke. He would be okay as long as he took blood pressure medication and ate healthy. He has lost some muscle control on the right side of his face and arm. The doctor said that he might be able to regain the muscle control fully in his arm over time, but right now it was limited.

I still have nightmares that he didn't make it, that he left me for good. I couldn't take losing him. That's when my priorities started to work themselves out. I was sad still, but I was more angry with Edward. I wasn't going to let that pain control my life because the pain of almost losing Charlie was one hundred times worse than losing Edward.

So now I worked. I hung out with Jake and the Pack. Emily was a good friend, but it was still really hard to be around her and Sam. That much love was like a slap in the face. Did I look at Edward the way she looked at Sam? I know he didn't look at me the same way, and if he did it would have been a pathetic imitation of the real connection. Life as a whole went on. It crept slowly by.

Charlie, after taking an extended medical leave, had to retire from the active police force. He attempted to do a desk job filing case work, but he wasn't able to hide his unhappiness. So after I had enough money saved, we were moving. Some place hot and nice where I could go to school and Charlie could enjoy is retirement.

I had been accepted at the University of Texas in El Paso. Since I had stopped reading the classics, they reminded me too much of Edward, I had picked up an interest in Historical Fiction and Nonfiction. I was going to major in History.

Charlie was excited about the change in scenery. He was going to miss Billy and Jake and other people in Forks, but he knew I needed out and that I couldn't leave without him. I think part of him needed out too. He has lived in Forks, forever. He was still holding onto the memories of Renee and their love, and had let it cripple his love life. He needed to say goodbye to Renee, goodbye to Forks, and move on.

I wasn't paying attention, as usual, as I pulled up to the house after work. No wonder I am such an idiotic klutz. I am always too damn caught up in my own head to pay attention to the real world. If I had been paying attention, I would have noticed the white envelope taped to the front door. I reached up and pulled it off before heading inside. The envelope was made of thick rich material that sat heavily in my palm. Rough writing marked the front, addressing it to me.

What the fuck? What part of LEAVE ME ALONE did he not understand? I took a deep breath, calming my anger. Maybe, it wasn't him. It could be from Mike or someone at school. Maybe, I have a secret admirer. Anything was possible, more possible then a vampire writing me a fucking note.

_Bella, _

_I am sorry, not just for leaving, but for what almost happened on your birthday. I know you were surprised to see me the other day. I didn't really plan to come back, but I was worried about you. I will leave you alone like you asked, but if you need anything please call me. _

_Jasper  
__913-1987_

I read and reread the few sentences and cell number he had scrawled at the bottom of the note before heading to my room and stuffing it in the bottom of my desk drawer. The entire time a few questions crossed my mind:

1. Why was Jasper here?  
2. Why did he even care?  
3. Why did I?  
4. Why didn't I tear up and burn the fucking letter?

**Thanks for reading my chapter!!!!**


	7. Time To Stand Alone

**AN-- As you all know, I do not own Twilight or any characters from the Twilight series. I give full credit to SM!! Sorry to my lovely reviewer who I had told that I would be posting on Sunday. Seeing as it is now Monday, I just look like a big liar. (LoL!) This weekend was crazy busy, and I didn't get the time I was hoping for yesterday. Sorry!!! Thank you for those who read and review. Your comments always make my day!!! Any feedback is welcome!! Enjoy. **

**Huge thanks to my Beta EchoingWinter!!!!**

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Chapter 7

**Bella POV**

****November**  
**Is Jasper still in town? I hadn't seen him, at all. He kept his promise.

****December**  
**Stupid, vampire asshole clearly doesn't care. The entire 'I am sorry' crap was complete bullshit. Not once has he tried to see me again, I couldn't matter that much to him, or he would have made more of an effort, right?

_Wrong, Bella. You told him to stay away. You pleaded with him to leave you_.  
**You don't want to see him, right?**  
_Right… I think._

****January**  
**I HATE SNOW! I AM SO COLD! FUCK!

_See I can go an entire month without thinking about vampires. Fuck. Okay. Maybe not_.

****February**  
**_Call him! Call him! Call him!_ My mind screamed.  
**Why?** My anger screamed back.

"Hello?" _Fuck. Did I actually call him?_ "Bella?" _Mother fucker. Now he knows it's me._ HANG UP! HANG UP! HANG UP! God, my body really did whatever the fuck it wanted. My brain screamed one thing, but my body did another. "Bella, I know you're there. I am glad you called me." _What?!_

"You are?" I was so glad he couldn't see me sitting there with my jaw dropped.

"Yes. To be honest, I didn't think it would take you four months to do but better late than never." _Wow, that kind of pisses me off. He expected me to call? Fuck. I am pathetic and predictable!_

"'Cause I couldn't possibly manage to survive on my own for more then a few months without needing your superior vampire assistance?" I retorted. Anger to cover up my pathetic weakness. _Why did I call? This is so much worse!_

"Not exactly what I meant," he chuckled. Apparently he likes pissy Bella? God knows, I don't.

"What did you mean?" Can you please just tell me everything that is going through your head right now so I can stop caring, stop wondering, and move the fuck on? I am tired of this shit!

"From what I remember, you were an overly forgiving person, letting people get away with everything. The old Bella would have called sooner and refused to let me apologize."

"People change."

"Are you still angry?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"For trying to eat me, but not for leaving me?" I asked, remembering that day by my truck when he said he hadn't come to apologize for abandoning me.

"Can I be sorry for both?"

"No, the first one I understand. It makes sense. It's fucked up, but it's your nature. I smell good. My blood smells great. I cut myself. It doesn't take a genius to figure out how a normal vampire would react."

"You were in a house full of 'normal' vampires, and I was the only one who tried to hurt you." I almost laughed out loud, but that would have been rude. '_Cause that has stopped you before?_

"No, I wouldn't call them normal. I wouldn't even call you normal in terms of a vampire, but your _reaction _was normal."

"And what about my apology for the second part?" He asked, bringing me back to the previous discussion.

"That was... is.. I feel... shit... that was fucked up."

"I know."

"Do you? Do you really know how cruel it was? Edward took away everything all in one shot. He took away his love, his gifts, his friendship, my heart, my best friend, my second family. I lost it all. Do you remember that night when James was hunting me?" He sucked in a harsh breath at the memory. Of course, he remembered. "You told me I was worth it and that I mattered to your family. Why did you lie?"

"It wasn't a lie. You do matter!"

"If that was true, then it would have been impossible to leave me. I could never have left any of you! Jasper, you didn't even say goodbye. You didn't let me have a say it in. Edward made that choice for me, and you all followed along."

"I know! I knew it was wrong. I wanted to stay."

"But you didn't."

"I came back."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I felt bad. I was selfish. I was desperate."

"What?"

"Alice left me."

"Oh."

"I was always worried about you. I wish I deserved enough of your trust to make you believe that, but I don't. I always missed you. We all did. When Alice left, I came home."

"You never really seemed at home here." _Rude. Rude. Rude._

"I had a family here."

"You still have a family."

"I had Alice. Alice tied me to _HER _family. Now, I am alone."

"I am sorry about you and Alice."

"Me too."

"Jasper?"

"Yes, Darlin'?"

"I am going to go."

"Bye, Bella."

"Bye, Jasper."_ Please, let it be for good. _

*****JUNE***  
**"Don't go!" He begged for the thousandth time. "Please , just stay!"

"I need this Jake. Charlie needs this! I need to get out of this place, move on."

"Move on? It sounds more like running away," he scowled at me.

"No! I am not running from anything. I can't run from that! I am starting anew. You know better than anyone that running away isn't possible. I wasted so much time holding onto Forks, refusing to leave, to let things change. I was waiting for him to come back. I never admitted it, but you knew! I held onto this place because it was the last part of him I could hold onto. I was terrified that if he came back and things were different then everything I felt for him would be ruined. But now, I know it was already ruined to begin with. Texas is what I need."

"Why? Looking for a cowboy?" He joked.

"No, I am looking for myself. I don't know who I am anymore!"

"I know who you are," he said softly, stepping forward, pulling me towards himself. "I love you Bells. I know you already know that. Fuck, everyone knows it. I love you the way you deserve to be loved. I can help you find yourself. Let me love you!" My tears threatened to spill over as he pulled me even closer towards him.

"I love you, too."

"But that isn't enough," he stated, dropping his hands from my waist and stepping away from me.

"It should be, but no it isn't. I gave away huge parts of who I am to be with Edward. I used what he gave me to fill the gaping holes, and it was never enough because I never let myself believe that I was enough. I need to rebuild. I have leaned on you for way too long, Jake. You have been my sun, keeping me from falling apart, and warming me up. But I need the real thing. I miss the sun. I miss being happy. I want to be able to hold myself together." Jake stared at me, his eyes dimming with defeat. Tears started to slide down his russet cheeks.

"What about me?" He asked in a tiny voice. It was the voice of my Jake. The one I knew before the werewolves, before the heartbreak, before the anger and masks of resentment. It was his innocence and his pain, and his pain echoed through my empty chest with a searing intensity.

"You'll be happy."

"Without you?"

"Without me. I promise. This isn't me leaving you. This isn't goodbye, or anywhere close to the end for us. This is an 'I love you,' 'I will miss you,' 'you are my best friend, my family.' This is..."

"Shitty? How about painful?" He offered while I thought of the right word, "you will visit?"

"Yes." _This was hard, too hard. Could I pack him in my suitcase?_

"I will call."

"You better." _Do you think he would mind if I just walked around with a blue-tooth and stayed on the phone with him 24/7? God, this is like an addiction._

"You'll find a new best friend."

"No." _Thank god!_

"Me neither."

"I love you, Bells."

"I love you too, Jake." That was all that needed to be said, I felt the ache in my chest, that familiar ache. I was the master of ignoring it, avoiding it, disguising it. I dressed the ache up in pretty clothing and called it something different. Instead of sadness, it was anger. Instead of loneliness, it was bitterness. Instead of fear, it was snarkiness. Look at me go. Bella, the actor. Who would have thought? I was done hiding it. This ache was for Jake. This was a new ache, a warm ache that filled me. I felt the sadness through my entire body. Every cell, every nerve, ever fiber ached. It was right. My love for Jacob was right. It was okay to be sad. This ache was gentle. I was at peace with it.

Thing to do before I leave:

1. Tell Jake I love him and help him understand my choice. **DONE!!  
**2. Pack up all of my shit.** DONE... **_Okay, almost done…okay, okay. Barely started.  
_3. Forgive, let go, and move on.

Number three just required one last stop. I had a strange feeling this wasn't going to be easy, but shit like this never is.


	8. Number Three

**AN-- S. Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters in this story so far! For everyone who thinks that Bella is moving to Texas because she subconsciously loves Jasper, you are very, very wrong. At this point, Bella doesn't know anything about Jasper. In the series, she didn't find out anything about him until Eclipse which in my story never happened as Edward never came back. Bella was always kept away from Jasper so she doesn't know anything about him outside of him and Alice. Bella is moving to Texas because of school. You will find out about it and the connection to Charlie also in the next chapter, but I chose it because my grandparents live there and their house was my inspiration for Bella's new home!**

**Thanks so much to all of you who read and post reviews! Any feedback is welcome!! Thank you to my Beta EchoingWinter.**

**Enjoy.**

_Previously:_

_Things to do before I leave:  
1. Tell Jake I love him and help him understand my choice. **DONE!!  
**2. Pack up all of my shit.** DONE... **Okay, almost done…okay, okay. Barely started.  
3. Forgive, let go, and move on._

_Number three just required one last stop. I had a strange feeling this wasn't going to be easy, but shit like this never is._

Chapter 8

**Bella POV**

The breeze was cool and sweet as it blew across my face. This place was so beautiful. It held all the beauty that it did the first time I came here. It seemed fitting that this should be where it would end. This is really where it began.

His choice, always his choice. Not to kill me. Not to ignore me. To love me, or his pathetic excuse for love, and finally to leave me. His idea of love was flawed and painful. I was a pretty play thing that he kept on the highest shelf, away from everyone and everything that might possibly harm me. It wasn't love. I wasn't even alive. I would be less disappointed in myself if it hadn't taken him leaving to make me realize this. He liked the idea of us, star-crossed lovers. We were doomed to start out with only because that is what he was looking for. Edward convinced himself that he loved me so that he could use me to punish himself. He was a monster, not because of the things he once did, but because he reveled in his perfect, brooding part. He wrote the fucking script himself.

_Enter sparkly vampire looking sad (always sad).  
Sparkling vampire says a few things. Woe is him. Edward pity party begins.  
Stupid, little girl falls for pity party.  
Stupid, little girl thinks sparkly vampire is really pretty.  
Stupid, little girl thinks lust and love are the same thing. She was wrong.  
Sparkling vampire tells stupid, little girl very little about himself. He likes to play the mysterious, brooding type. He is after all a dangerous monster.  
Stupid little girl is too hot and bothered to really care._

This is love is it not?

He told me he loved me. He was the first to want to take care of me. Edward, the Indestructible. He didn't need me. I could be weak with him. I didn't need to be the parent that I was for Renee, or the substitute housewife for Charlie. I didn't need to cook, clean, pay bills, or pick up dry cleaning. I got to be protected, taken care of. The controlled, manipulated, discarded came later, too late.

I was too stupid. I used him almost as much as he used me except I didn't realize it. I threw away my own strength. I won't do that again. I am strong. I wasn't then. Fuck. I wasn't strong when I couldn't help but call Jasper. I am going to be strong, going forward. I am going to move the fuck on.

I held the thick white paper in my hand staring at it. Tear and Burn. Tear and Burn. I had to be careful. I didn't really plan to burn down then entire forest. I would be sad if the meadow was destroyed. I wanted someone else to find it, use it, fall in _real _love here, and appreciate its real beauty. I wish I could post a sign around the meadow: No Vampires Allowed. It was so much prettier without Edward. Everything seemed so dull when he was here, but so much more full of life when he wasn't around. As pretty as he was, he sucked the life, _haha_, out of everything with his mood and martyr complex. The well worn note was my last tie, the last piece of my pathetic struggle to hold onto a life that I didn't even want.

_Be Safe._

His elegant script stared out at me. The last memento. The note Edward gave me the day before we came here, the day when everything was still exciting and new. I thought it was cute then. He wanted me to be safe, but now it seems condescending.

Bella the Klutz.  
Edward the Saviour.

Those were our well, defined roles. He needed to save me just as much as I thought I needed saving. He caught me every time I fell because he had me convinced that I was too weak to catch myself, to save myself.

_Stupid, little girl believed stupid, sparkling vampire.  
Stupid, little girl grew up.  
Stupid, sparkling vampire can go to fucking hell._

I tore note into a hundred tiny pieces. I wanted nothing more then to see it burn. The paper burned quick and hot, shriveling into black dust as a small cloud of white smoke plumed off of the miniature pile.

Edward is gone.  
Bella survived.

"This is a bit dramatic for you. Don't you think, Darlin'?" His smooth drawl caught me off guard.

"If I had wanted to be dramatic, I would have made a fucking bonfire. I think this worked for what I needed," I said, gesturing to circle of burnt grass and remains of the burnt note.

"And what was it that you needed?"

"Acceptance." He didn't move from the edge of the tree line he had emerged from. His golden eyes watched me where I sat. He looked tired. How can a vampire be tired? "Why are you here?" I didn't care that my tone was clipped and harsh.

"Curiosity. I could smell smoke and wanted to make sure you weren't starting forest fires. Who knows how you get your kicks these days?" I snorted back my laughter. I didn't want to laugh. I wanted to be mad at him.

"Yeah, well. Pyro Bella could only be kept a secret for so long, and you were bound to find out stalking me and all." He grimaced.

"I wasn't stalking you. I didn't even realize you were here until I smelt the fire and your scent," he defended.

"So, what happened to the whole promise to leave me alone thing?"

"You started it. You called me, did you not?" He had a point. "So, when is the big move?"

"So much for your not stalking me comment."

"Bella, the entire town knows your moving. I had to hear it at some point."

"In a week."

"Where to?"

"You don't know?" I asked incredulously "you must really suck at stalking. Maybe you should go back to your family and get Edward to give you some tips."

"I think I like Bitchy Bella better than Boring Bella" He chuckled. Asshole. Boring Bella?

"When was I 'Boring Bella?' I remember being Barbie Bella, but please enlighten me."

"You were boring when you were too 'in love' to realize you weren't really alive. You never made your own choices. It was always Alice or Edward who told you what to do. You were so caught up in making everyone else happy that you didn't even realize that you were miserable."

"I wasn't..."

"I know how you felt. I was there."

"How do I feel right now?" I asked, glaring at him.

"Angry."

"Then why are you still here?"

"Because I am tired of waiting for you to forgive me. I know deep down you already have. You are just too stubborn to admit it," he said, shrugging and moving forward to sit next to me.

"Are you always this much of an ass?"

"Probably. It doesn't really bother you. So, are you going to tell me where you're moving to, or are you going to continue to be rude?" _I hate empaths._

"Both. I'm moving to El Paso," I said glaring at him. A look of surprise crossed his face.

"Texas? Why?" He said it like it bothered him.

"I am going to school there, and Charlie's dad, Robert, used to live there before he passed. Robert Swan left Charlie his house, but it has sat empty for a long time."

"How come?"

"Charlie didn't get along with his father. Robert left his mom when Charlie was ten and married another woman. Charlie never really forgave him for leaving and didn't have a relationship with him. We hadn't heard anything about Robert for several years until Charlie was contacted by the lawyer for his estate. Charlie didn't have the heart to sell it, or the courage to visit it so it was just 'forgotten' about until now." _Why was I telling him this?_

"I'm from Texas," Jasper said quietly, his eyes were distant like he wasn't quite here.

"That makes sense. Your accent comes out sometimes."

"I have spent a long time hiding it to fit in as one of the Cullen's, but it does slip out sometimes," he said with a pained smile, "you will like it there."

"How would you know? You barely know me!" I resented his assumption.

"It's hot and sunny, and it isn't my fault that I don't know you." I laughed. Had he forgotten how completely he used to avoid me?

"Yes it is. You never paid me any attention. I don't really make it a point of begging people who don't like me to be my friends."

"I have been here for almost eight months, waiting for you to talk to me and you haven't. I have been waiting for you to let me be your friend. It is pretty safe to say it isn't my fault," he pointed out, "and I never said I didn't like you before. Alice and Edward made it very clear I was to stay away from you. They didn't trust me and I didn't trust myself so I stayed away."

"What's different now?"

"Now, you're not boring anymore."

I laughed, "Thanks for the huge compliment."

"You are alive. You aren't afraid of me. You are angry with me. Yes, very angry, but not scared. You are the only person I have left."

"What? Jasper, me and you aren't even friends. Before you left, we had maybe three conversations at the most. I am sure you would be better off going to one of your family members."

"You are family."

"NO! I am not and don't say that again. I was only family as long as Edward wanted me, and then I was discarded the minute he decided he didn't love me anymore."

"What?" Shocked crossed his face. He sat there with his mouth open staring at me.

"You all left me when Edward realized he didn't actually love me. My only tie to your family was him, and it was a extremely weak tie at that."

"Edward loves you," he stated simply. What the fuck was his problem? I am done with Edward. I finally come here to say goodbye and Southern Asshole over here is trying to ruin it all.

"Bella, Edward left because he loves you. He wanted you to be able to have a normal life, vampire free. He wanted you to be safe." I couldn't help but start laughing. This had to be the cruelest fucking joke ever. Maybe next, he would reach in and rip out my heart while drinking my blood. Jasper just stared at me like I had three heads as I continued to laugh.

"Jasper, he told me he didn't love me. He told me I wasn't good for him."

"Then, he lied." His words boiled my blood. How was this fair? Why couldn't I just move on in peace?

"Why are you telling me this? Why does it fucking matter? He left! I am done with him! I keep wishing I was done with you, but apparently I am not that lucky."

"I am telling you because you have a right to know the truth. Because I won't lie to you or coddle you. You are a big girl, Bella. You can handle the truth even if it hurts."

The truth.  
It didn't change anything.  
But it did hurt.  
The truth always hurts.

I sat silently beside him for what seemed like ages. I wish that I hadn't heard what he was saying, but he was right. I needed the truth. So much of what Edward and I had was built on lies, not always direct lies, but his omissions. He hid so much from me. and now here it was out in the open. He ended our relationship with one final deception, and it didn't matter. It didn't matter that he had still loved me. It wouldn't matter if he came back today, said he wanted me back, and that he would love me forever because all that really mattered was that right now, in this very moment, I knew that it was over. I no longer loved Edward Cullen.

"Jasper?"

"Yes, Darlin'?"

"I forgive you."

"I know."

**AN-- You all thought I was having her run back to Jasper's house? Nope. Bella isn't thinking about Jasper as something to get over. Her focus is on the pain that Edward caused and the life she thought that she wanted, that he took away from her. Jasper's interest in Bella has her curious which is why she called him, but she doesn't love him. She doesn't even have feelings for him outside of curiosity at this point. She did need to forgive him though. Seeing as out of everyone who left, he probably had the most reason to and the least holding him back.**


	9. Trust Me

**AN-- I still don't own Twilight. That will never change. I wish daily that I could own Jasper! **

**So, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I am really happy that you liked the meadow from the last chapter rather than Bella going to the Cullen's house! I wanted to give a huge thank you to Juliannanight for her amazing reviews and for helping me work out a few Jasper details that I was unsure about! Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review this story, favourite it, or put it on alerts!**

**Also "***" accompanied by italics indicate a flashback. I have used this in previous chapters so you probably already caught on, but I just thought I would make sure!**

**This is my longest chapter so far. I hope you enjoy reading and please post your thoughts! **

**On a final note thank you to my Beta EchoingWinter for editing this mess and for going back and doing it for all the rest of the chapters too!! You are a amazing! **

* * *

Chapter 9

"T…t…t…tongues always pressed to your cheeks while my tongue is on the inside of some other girl's teeth," I sang, dancing around the room and throwing odd things into empty boxes.

Books.  
Papers.  
Clothes.  
All of it.

Packing my life away, it was about fucking time! I was itching to get away, start fresh, make friends and be happy. Not that I couldn't be happy in Forks, but it was time to leave.

"T…tell your boyfriend if he says he's got beef that I'm a vegetarian, and I ain't fucking scared of him." I heard a choked laugh from the doorway and spun around in surprise, dropping the load of books in my arm right on my foot.

"Ouch! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I cried, dropping to the ground to cradle my throbbing foot.

"Jake needs to watch his language around you. You have become quite the potty mouth, Bells," Charlie laughed, coming in and plopping down on my unmade bed.

"Shit, Dad," I whimpered while throwing him a dirty look, "you scared the crap out of me." I wouldn't have dropped the goddamn books had he not snuck up on me.

"Sorry. It was just nice seeing you dancing around and singing, terribly I might add. What is this crap that you are listening to? This song is horrible!" He chuckled. I couldn't help but break into a giggle as Charlie listened to the music. He was right; it was the stupidest song. "Did he just say 'Don't trust a ho?' What the hell is this?" He asked incredulously. I laughed at his disgusted expression.

"It's just the radio," I answered, climbing onto the bed beside him and scooting back to lean against the headboard. Charlie mimicked my position so our shoulders were touching.

"You look happy, kiddo," he stated, bumping me a little with his shoulder.

"I am." It wasn't a lie. I was happy. I was excited and hopeful.

"You ready for this?" He asked, looking around my half-packed room with a small smile on his face.

"Ready, as in packed? Hell no! Ready, as in excited to move? Yes!" I exclaimed, smiling at him. He searched my face for a few moments before laughing. "What?" I asked.

"I didn't think you would be this excited to leave. Hell, I didn't think I would be this excited to leave."

"You're excited?" I asked surprised. I knew it was good that he was leaving, he had been chained here since Rene left him, but I was pretty convinced that he was just doing this for me. I couldn't go without him. I wasn't ready to leave him behind. I needed him, and I know he needed me.

"Yeah, I 'm gonna miss Billy and Jake and a lot of other people. I have lived here for so long that it's comfortable, but it is time for change. If there is anything that I have learnt it is that it does wonders to step out of your comfort zone and take some chances. Have some fun."

"So, we're going to have fun?"

"No, _you _aren't. You are going to study your butt off, but _I_ am going to be having all the fun," he teased. "So, have you said all of your goodbyes?"

"Not yet."

"Who's left?" Charlie asked curiously. I looked over at him trying to predict his reaction to what I wanted to tell him.

"I have already said bye to Angela. She was home from school last weekend. Ben and Mike, I saw yesterday. I have talked to Jake thousands of times, and he is coming over to see us off on Thursday. I just have to say bye to Jasper," I said, knowing he would pick up on the last name, wanting to tell him, but secretly hoping that I could avoid it.

"Jasper? That's a new name. I haven't heard you talk about a Jas...." Charlie's words cut off as recognition crossed his features. "Jasper Cullen?" He asked. His eyes roamed over me as if checking for damage, damage from the mere mention of a Cullen. _Haha, was I really so fragile? Probably._

"Yes. Edward's older brother."

"I didn't know he was back."

"He has been back since October." This earned me a glare from Charlie.

"Why didn't you tell me? I didn't realize we were back to keeping things from each other." Charlie's voice was hurt. My heart broke a little.

"I don't know why I didn't tell you. I think part of it was I didn't want to acknowledge him. When I saw him, I asked him to leave me alone and he did."

"Apparently not for long if you feel the need to go say bye to him."

"Dad, he left me alone completely until _I _called him."

"What did he say?" Charlie demanded.

"That he was sorry..." Charlie snorted out a laugh so I talked over it shooting him a hard look, "that he knows it wasn't right for them all to leave without saying goodbye, and not ever calling or giving me a choice to stay in touch with them."

"Did you forgive him?"

"No. I was a stubborn bitch and didn't talk to him again for a while, but I saw him the other day. I went to a place where me and Edward used to go, and he was there. I know he is really sorry, and out of everyone...him leaving was the least surprising. We were never really close or friends. I was more angry for Alice ditching me and Edward throwing away what we had, but me and Jasper never really had anything to throw away. He just followed Alice and his family. I can't hold that against him."

"Is Alice back with him?" My throat tightened. I hadn't spent much time thinking about what Jasper had told me. It was too weird to think about him and Alice not being together. Alice and Jasper. Rose and Emmett. Esme and Carlisle. They just went together. It made me feel a little empty to know how easily something I thought was unbreakable had been torn apart.

"No, just him," I answered. When we had been in the meadow, I had made sure to ask him this. I was a little embarrassed that in the entire span of his homecoming I had yet to find out any details: if he was alone, why he came home, what actually happened with Alice.

_***_

_We were sitting in comfortable silence for so long that I almost hated to break it, but I needed a few answers. _

_"Jasper?" I asked, bringing him out of his quiet contemplation. His golden eyes flashed up to meet mine, a comfortable smile relaxed across his face. _

_"Yes, Darlin'?" The hint of his accent leaked out. I wished he wouldn't hide it._

_"You're the only one back, right?" I was fairly sure that this was the case. I don't think I would have missed Emmett's huge frame and even bigger personality had he been lurking around town, or been able to hide from Rose's piercing glare. I am sure if Alice was back I would have had a much better wardrobe._

_"It's just me," he answered quietly. He was alone._

_"Do they know you are here?" I knew he could feel that I was feeling slightly uncomfortable and desperate for answers._

_"No. I have talked to Carlisle since I left, but I didn't tell him I was here." His eyes roamed my face looking for my reaction while he took in all my emotions. RELIEF. He smiled slightly at that.__"Would you forgive them if they came back?" He asked curiously. I thought about it for a few minutes. I had forgiven Jasper, could I forgive them?_

_"Depends on who it was," I answered as honestly as I could._

_"Ok, well who would you forgive?"_

_"Rose."_

_"Rose?" Jasper asked. he looked surprised. Laughing at his expression I explained my reasoning._

_"Rose never pretended like I mattered. The way she treated me was a direct reflection of how she felt towards me. So she left, no big deal. She hated me, I wasn't her biggest fan either. There would be nothing to forgive her for because her leaving didn't hurt me at all." Jasper sat in silence thinking. The pause was slowly growing uncomfortable as the unanswered questions hung heavy in the air._

_"Just ask, Bella."_

_"What happened after you left? What happened with Alice?" I asked, his brow crinkled as he ran his hand through his unruly blond hair while he thought about how to start._

_"Edward lost it. Honestly lost it. He went ballistic and made everyone pack and leave. Alice tried to talk him out of it, but all he would do was scream at her. Rose was all too happy to leave. Emmett was almost as heartbroken as Esme. You were his little sister. Edward was furious with me. Everyone was. I ruined so much in one single moment. I ruined any trust any of them had in me, and I ruined Edward's remaining illusions of security for you. You couldn't even have a birthday party without a near death experience. So, he demanded we all leave. Leave forks. Leave you. Leave everything behind." He paused to take in my reaction. I wanted him to continue even though this was something I wanted to forget. I nodded at in encouragement._

_"Bella, it felt so wrong to leave you. I am such a coward. Had I not been the one to try and kill you I would have probably beat some sense into him, but I felt so incredibly guilty. I just wanted to make everyone happy. Happy with me. Happy in general. So I went with them. Alice was miserable. She missed you. She missed having a friend outside of our family. She missed Edward. We didn't see him again after we left. He stayed behind to say goodbye to you, but never met up with us in Vancouver. I apologized daily to Alice. I thought things were getting better. There would be moments when things seemed fine, but they were few and far between. She slowly began to pull away from me," his voice was gruff and hard as he tried to hold in his emotion._

_"She had a vision that she was going to be happy...without me. I begged her to stay. God, I have never felt so low then I did in that moment, sobbing, trying to hold her tiny body to me as she gave me a sad smile and told me she was leaving."__I wanted so badly to comfort him, to hug him, to do anything to make him hurt a little less, but there were boundaries, lines that I couldn't cross with Jasper. Lines that screamed stay alive and stay away._

_"I ran after she left. I couldn't stay with Esme and Carlisle. I didn't feel right, nothing felt right, and it hadn't for so long. Ever since your birthday, everything just seemed dead, stale , broken. I ruined so much. I lost so much for a silly little paper cut."__Sad Jasper was almost literally heartbreaking. My chest ached in an unfamiliar way to hug him. I held out my hand for him to take. It was the smallest gesture. It was the most I could offer to him. If he couldn't handle it, he could just say no. For some reason, I really needed to hold him, some how hold him together because I knew what it felt like to fall apart. _

_Jasper slowly looked down at my outstretched hand before scooting closer to me and gently entwining his fingers with mine. He sighed at the contact._

_C__old skin._

_It had been so long since I had felt such cold skin. Hard as marble, smooth as a polished stone, so familiar._

_"Is this weird for you?" He asked, gesturing towards our entwined hands._

_"A little," I answered with a small laugh. Holding hands with my ex-boyfriend's brother, who may or may not rip my throat out at any moment was a little strange. "Is this hard for you?"_

_"A little," he laughed, "if I said I wouldn't hurt you, would you believe me?" He asked softly._

_"If you promised," I answered, knowing he wouldn't make a promise he couldn't keep._

_"Bella, I promise not to hurt you again," he said lightly squeezing my hand as he smiled at me._

_"I believe you." __We sat like that for a few minutes, holding hands while I thought about what to say, how to respond to what he told me. _

_"You're strong, Jasper, strong enough to be the kind of man that you want to be. I can see it in your eyes. You just need to have more faith in yourself. You don't need other people to believe you can do it. You just need to believe you can do it. What happened wasn't your fault. It wasn't my fault...I thought it was for a long time. If I hadn't been so damn clumsy then I would still have Edward, but shit happens and life goes on. As much as it hurts to let go and as much as it hurts to move forward, it's all you can do. You are too strong to give up so don't even fucking think about it," I said, squeezing his hand with as much force as I could muster. _

_"Strong, forceful Bella. I could get use to her," he smiled at me. _

_"Me too," I chuckled. "It will be okay Jasper. You will be okay."_

_"Promise?"_

_"I promise."_

***

"Is it hard for you to see him?" Charlie asked, snapping me back to attention.

"Nope. It's kind of nice." I hadn't expected it to be nice. I had expected it to be awkward as all fucking hell, possibly even deadly, spending time alone with Jasper, but he always did have an amazingly calming demeanor. It was more than just his gift.

Charlie took in my expression, trying to make sure I was telling him the truth before he sighed, "I underestimated you." His eyes now focused on the ceiling. His forehead wrinkled in thought, "You have had a lot dumped on your plate, and I know you didn't always handle it the greatest but you did handle it. You're stronger than I ever give you credit for. I don't tell you this enough, Bells, but I am really proud of you." His voice was tight at the end, strained with emotion.

Charlie and my relationship had made leaps and bounds since the day of his stroke. We could talk about anything. I never realized how much I needed to talk about my feelings with him. I always thought we were okay with our emotionally challenged relationship. I knew he loved me. He knew I loved him. Why the fuck would we need to say it? I was wrong. I needed to say it. I needed him to know just how much I love him every single day, and how thankful I am that he has been there for me through way more shit than he realized! He seemed to feel the same way. It was hard work breaking through our comfort zones just so that we could be real for even one minute.

"I love you, Dad." I smiled, laying my head on his shoulder.

"You too, Kid. More than anything," he said, wrapping his arm tightly around my shoulder. I will never get tired of moments like this with Charlie, moments where I feel completely protected and loved. Where I know that I can do anything, and he will always love me and be there for me. It is a different kind of protection than Edward used to force on me. It isn't suffocating or controlling. It is oddly freeing and empowering. It is real. "If I asked you to let me come with you to keep him from hurting you, would you think I was crazy?" He asked, only half joking.

"No…not crazy...sure as hell not gonna happen, but not crazy!" I answered laughing.

_Okay. Man up, Isabella Swan. Get out of your damn truck…, or you could just sit there like a wimp. You know he knows you're here. You know he heard the beast pull up. MOVE IT! _

I tried to talk myself up. It wasn't all that motivational. I opened the door to my truck with a low groan. _Bella, just say bye. Bye? You only just said hello again for fuck sakes._

The grass was waist high on each side of the gravel drive, and the lawn lead up to a house that I hadn't seen for over a year. I waded through the grass towards the porch, grazing my hands along the top of the grass. The smooth points tickled my palms in a relaxing way. Maybe he wasn't home. I could just write him a note._ Dear Jasper, thanks for the chat goodbye forever.__Ugh._

I reached the stairs and hesitated. I didn't really understand what was my problem. Jasper was…not exactly my friend, but he wasn't not a friend. He was…fuck. I don't know what he was. I felt a strange draw to him. He was always like the forbidden fruit.

Stay away from Jasper.  
Jasper is dangerous. Bella is weak.  
Jasper has no control.  
Jasper is strong. Bella is fragile.  
Bella has great fucking blood. Jasper wants to drink Bella's blood every minute, every second.  
Fun shit.

I must be out of my fucking mind to trust someone who has already tried to kill me, but he promised he wouldn't hurt me. I knew if Jasper put his mind to it he would be able to do it. He just had to want it, want to change. To be honest, I think a big part of his control issue was laziness. Alice always did all the fucking work for the entire family. She saw what was going to happen and pulled the strings to get it all to work out. Big, strong Jasper was a puppet. Now, he was moving on his own after not having to think for himself for decades. I had no idea how he lasted so long letting other people make all his choices, but this would be good for him.

"I know the porch is nice, Scaredy Cat, but why don't you come on in? There is a big comfy couch calling your name," Jasper called, appearing in the doorway.

"I am not a 'Scaredy Cat.' I was just…"

"…contemplating running away?" He suggested. I glared and walked by him into the Cullen's home.

* * *

**AN-- I hope you all enjoyed Charlie/Bella bonding! She loves her dad, and he loves her so much. It just seems so silly to have them be so distant with one another especially after all that has happened. I love Charlie!**

**The song from the start of this chapter was **_**Don't Trust Me **_**by 3OH!3. It is a silly song, but addictive and played way too much on the radio! It is yet another thing to add to the super long list of things I do not, nor will I ever own!! :(**

Soooo. See that button at the bottom of this page?  
Yup, that green one.  
Click it.  
I know you want to.  
Just click it, and tell me what you think!


	10. AN not a new chapter

**Hey! **

**So I hate to do this, and I know getting author notes as updates suck, but I had a few minutes at work so I just wanted to let everyone know the status of the next update. I moved this past weekend as I let a few of you know through review responses, I still don't have internet at my new place, and I have been super busy unpacking and all that jazz. Also I had a really stupid moment the other day when I decided that I was wonder woman and could move a couch on my own .. needless to say I am not wonder woman and I ended up with my shoulder being dislocated.. 3 hours at the hospital , agonizing pain and some lovely pain killers later I was in a happy daze!**

The next chapter is ready to be posted so is the chapter after that. I am meant to get internet this weekend, so I will try my hardest to update by Sunday and I will be posting the Updates back to back so I hope its worth the wait. I am able to check and respond to reviews via my iphone, but that is really limited!  
So please just stick with me :) 

**Thanks **

**Britt**


	11. I Built It High Up In The Sky

**AN-- So, I leeched some internet off an unsuspecting neighbour who didn't secure their wireless network. *Tut*tut* Anyway, here is an update finally. I wasn't going to post this until Sunday as that is when I officially get my internet connection, but I will post the other chapter I have done then. This chapter and all the rest of this story has been edited by my Beta EchoingWinter who is amazing!!**

**I am not really sure about how this chapter went, but it is a little bit of development of Jasper and Bella's relationship. I just want to reinforce: Although it may seem like there is something deeper right now, it is JUST friendship. At least, that is what they think.**

**So, enjoy and please review. I am feeling slightly greedy when it comes to reviews so if you are kind enough to post one than you will get something in return. A sneak peak perhaps? Also, if you do review between now and Sunday, please remember that I have limited internet access so it might take me a while to respond. Also, sorry if I haven't responded to reviews that have been posted…and sorry for this annoyingly, long author's note.**

* * *

Chapter 10

**Bella POV**

I plopped down ungracefully on the beige couch. Light on Light, always the colour pallet of the Cullen's. I used to think it was pretty. Now it just seemed boring, like it was forced and trying too hard to go against the vampire stereotype. I would have loved to see some colour, some life in this beautiful house.

"So, I get to see you twice in one week? I thought for sure I would have to wait until you came back for a high-school reunion," he teased sitting down at the other end of the couch.

"Well, I figured with the whole 'not aging' thing you might not be able to make an appearance at the Forks High reunions. Forever young remember," I said pointing at him, as if we both weren't overly aware of his immortality.

"Reunions are not really my thing anyway. Awkward conversations with people I never spoke to and wearing a name tag that says 'Hello my name is…'" I cringed at the thought.

"You're here to say goodbye?" He asked, cutting to the point and lighting the room abuzz with tension. No big deal. He knew I was leaving. It's just goodbye. It's just Jasper.

"Yeah. I don't really know how to do that though," I said honestly. Where was I meant to start? Do I know him well enough to miss him? Of course not, stupid Bella. He has barely been in your life. How can you miss someone you don't know and who was never there?

"Why are you frustrated?" He asked as his forehead creased in concern. Fucking empath. Calming waters, calming waters, think of anything. How do you make your feelings go blank?

"Bella?" He asked, leaning towards me looking worried.

"I…uh…I don't know. This feels weird," I answered.

"This, as in us hanging out?" He asked, looking slightly hurt.

"No, that isn't what I meant. Hanging out with you doesn't feel weird. It feels…nice?" I ended like it was a question, but it was just more confusion on my part.

"That is weird. How could hanging out with me possibly 'nice?'" He chuckled. I rolled my eyes at him and his fake wounded expression.

"I was frustrated because I don't know what this is," I said as I gestured between the two of us.

"I think this is called friendship, Darlin'. You don't get out much, do you?" He asked, teasing me again.

"Nope. Werewolves and vampires are my world. Doesn't leave much room for human interactions." His face froze and his jaw tensed at my comment. Apparently, I am not so funny.

"Werewolves?" His question came out as a growl. Shit.

"Yeah, uh...my friend..." Jasper cut me off,

"You're friends with a fucking werewolf?" He asked incredulously. "There aren't meant to be any of them left," he mumbled the second part mostly to himself as he stood up and started pacing the room. My blood started to boil.

"So what? Why does it matter?" I asked sharply.

"Why does it matter that they are back or that you are friends with them? Let's think about that Bella. You're a smart girl…most of the time. Do you know how volatile they are?"

"Yeah. I am well informed when it comes to werewolves, thanks, and don't fucking talk to me like that," I growled at him in what I can only assume was a pathetic attempt as sounding like an enraged animal. "I am not an idiot. I make my own fucking choices, and I am real fucking sick of you self righteous vampires thinking that I am not capable of deciding what is good for me. If I want to hang out with a werewolf, I will. Hell, I have been for over a year. Do you see a single fucking thing wrong with me?" I shouted. He stopped his pacing and spun to face me.

"Besides the fact that you talk like a trucker…no," he admitted, scanning me over with his eyes as if I was lying.

"So this is the part where you say sorry for being a big asshole and acting like your creepy brother."

"I am nothing like Edward," he growled as his eyes flashed in anger.

"You could have fucking fooled me."

"What happened to your head?" He asked, a look of triumph flashing in his eyes.

"Fuck you!" I yelled, spinning around towards the door. Because something has to be wrong with my head for me to finally be sticking up for my choices? Noooo. NO. NO!

"No. you little idiot," he said, grabbing hold of my arm and tugging me towards him, "what _happened_ to your head?" He repeated. His cold finger traced along a barely visible scar at my hairline. SHIT! FUCK!

"I tripped?" I failed horribly at trying to sound convincing. He rolled his eyes and pulled me back towards the couch.

"Try again," he said trying to sound calm.

"I crashed my motorcycle." I hoped he wouldn't believe this then I could get away with telling him the truth without actually having to explain my extreme sporting habits.

"Bella," he groaned, "I wish that was a joke. You on a motorcycle?" Fuck. Empath, right. He can tell when I am lying.

"Yeah, so what?" I asked, raising my chin a fraction in defiance. "We rebuilt two bikes. I am actually pretty good."

"We? And besides, people who are good usually don't crash," he countered.

"Well I was learning, and clearly I am fine. No permanent injuries. Just some minor head trauma," I said, waving it off as if it hadn't hurt like a fucking bitch when the tree had so kindly cushioned my fall.

"Minor head trauma?" He laughed, "I don't think normal people refer to it so casually."

"Normal?" I scoffed, "since when were we striving for normal?" He chuckled shaking his head at me.

"You said 'we.' Would this be your werewolf friend that taught you?" He asked, trying to keep the venom out of his voice.

"Yup."

His eyes narrowed and he frowned at me, "I don't like that."

"Well, princess, there are a lot of things I don't like, a lot of fucking things that you all did that I down right HATED, but that won't change what happened and it won't change how I feel about Jake or any of the Pack." He stared at me silently for a moment his scowl still in place before he sighed in resignation.

"You're right. I am sorry," he said a little grudgingly.

"It's alright, and as much fun as arguing with you is, I actually didn't come here to yell at you," I said refocusing.

"You came to say goodbye."

"Yeah."

"Is this a goodbye forever type of situation, or is this a we can be long-distance friends?"

"I don't know. I didn't really think it through."

"I don't want it to be forever," he said looking a little sad.

"No?"

"Bella, I like you. I want to be your friend. I have always wanted to be your friend."

"It seems a little late for the now, don't you think?" I asked, his face fell slightly, "I do want to be your friend Jasper! It just seems like bad timing. I am leaving and…"

"I know," he said simply. His face matching my frustration. "It just doesn't feel right to say goodbye," he said a little hesitantly, looking up to gauge my reaction.

**Jasper POV**

Fuck, Whitlock, that was a creepy fucking thing to say. You barely know each other, and you're pretty much begging for any type of friendship she is willing to throw your way. _Don't leave me, Bella. Stay. _Why does it matter?

"Will you stay here after I'm gone?" She asked. She was radiating a mixture of embarrassment, confusion and frustration.

"For a little while." Can I beg her to let me follow her? No, probably not.

"Why don't you go back to the Cullen's?" She asked in almost a whisper.

"I can't be around them. There is nothing left for me there." I tried not to sound cold, but it came out harsh.

"Jasper, they are your family."

"I can't go back, not yet anyway." She stared at me for a few minutes as if she wanted to say something more, but just nodded and let it go. How can I tell her I am looking for something, looking for a huge fucking chunk of myself?

"Why did you come here?" She asked "It wasn't just to apologize to me."

"No, you're right. It wasn't." I was drawn here. I didn't even make a conscious choice to come here, but here I am.

"What are you looking for?" She asked. Did Bella develop some mind reading talent while I was away? Maybe Fuckward is contagious?

"What makes you think I am looking for something, Darlin'?"

"I don't know. You just seem to be waiting for something to happen. There is nothing for you in Forks, but you're still here. If you did just come to say sorry to me, you would have left after you did it. There something else..." she trailed off feeling embarrassed.

"Alice told me something before she left me," I hesitated. I didn't know if I should tell her the whole story. I didn't know if she would want to know. "She stopped having visions of me. Whenever she would try to see me, it would just be blank. You are the same. At first our futures were just patchy, blurry and she would get little bits here and there, but nothing solid. Then, nothing at all."

"We have no future?" She asked, a little panic seeping through.

"Not that Alice could see." Her worry permeated the air so that every breath I took was half a breath of heavy dread and half a breath of burning thirst. I had to swallow back several mouthfuls of the venom pooling freely.

"What does that mean?" Her voice was wavering, but a little stronger and louder as she tried to regain composure.

"Alice seemed to think that we had somehow gotten off track. That the choices we were making were taking us so far from where we are meant to end up, that nothing was sure anymore. Don't panic, Darlin'. You are still here. I'm still here. Personally, I think the demented, little pixie just lost her goddamn mind," I said, trying to lighten the mood a little. Her dread was drowning me.

"If you think that, it still doesn't tell me what you are looking for." The huge fucking chunk of me that's missing, that aches and burns and hasn't been whole since the day I 'died.' Fuck! I don't even know if it was whole before that.

"I have no fucking clue," I answered as honestly as I could without sounding like a fucking emotional pansy. My heart, Bella! I am looking for my fucking heart!

"Well, that might be your problem right there. How the hell are you meant to find something when you don't even know what it is you want?" She pointed out.

What do I want? Do I want Alice? No. Okay, a little. Okay, fuck. Yes, I still want her. I still love her in a fucked up way. The sensible part of me knows that we can never be together that way again, that we were never meant to be together that way. So, what do I want?

"I want comfort," I responded.

"You know I can't give that to you," she answered sadly.

"Why not?" Please, just tell me everything will be fine. Lie to me, I don't care. I was starting to sound like a whiny little kid, but I couldn't help it. I felt her indecision as she seemed to war with her thoughts. Then, she scooted closer to me on the couch and held her hand out again like she had the day in the meadow. I didn't hesitate this time. I knew it would be okay. I knew as mouthwatering as Bella smelt, she was not food, not anymore. She seemed important. She mattered. She always had, but now more then ever. She was the only connection I had left that wasn't tainted with my past failures, or my lost love. She was my connection to my humanity, to everything I lost. How do you say goodbye to that?

I took her soft warm hand gently. I wanted to sigh out relief at the warmth it brought as the heat surged through my dead body. So warm.

"This is all I can give you," she answered as her fragile hand squeezing mine softly.

"It's enough." I swear it is.

"I can't lie to you and say everything is okay. I don't know that it is. This," she said while pointing to my chest where my dead heart should be beating, "will get easier. It won't always hurt so much."

"I know."

"This is all I can give you," she repeated sadly. I could tell she thought this was all she had left to give.

"This is all I want."

"But it isn't all you need," she stated.

"No."

"Me neither." Her voice was sad, and I could feel her heartbeat through our joint hands. Each beat resonated through my still and silent body, shaking me awake.

"We can talk on the phone," I suggested. I need one friend. I need one person. I don't want to be alone. She nodded her head.

"We can e-mail," she added.

"So, friends?" I asked.

"Friends," she agreed. I could feel her relief at our agreement. It matched my own.

"Tell me something about yourself. Anything," I asked. It was more like begging. I didn't know her, and it was killing me. This insane, irrational connection to her that stemmed from my huge abandonment issues made me desperate for anything that could strengthen that connection.

"At first, the reason I started riding my bike, the cliff diving, and all that stupid shit was to get back at Edward. He made me promise to stay safe, and I wanted to break that promise any way I possibly could. Then it became more than that. Then, it was more about the freedom that those choices allowed me. I made mistakes, I got hurt, but I learnt and moved on and honestly that was worth the risk to me." I had to choke back my outrage at the start. Cliff diving?! Like this woman doesn't have enough problems avoiding death, but now it seems she was stalking it.

"Cliff diving?" I asked as calmly as I could. I understand that making your own choices and learning from experience, but would a nice 'fuck you, you douche of an ex-boyfriend' suffice as payback? There was no need to hurl yourself off a cliff for closure.

"Shit. I didn't tell you that before did I?" She mumbled. Her irritation clearly directed at her own slip up.

"No, definitely not. Is it safe to say that this activity also took place under the watchful eye of your werewolf friend?" I asked, grinding my teeth to release my frustration. There was a fine line between letting someone make choices and letting someone make stupid, dangerous ones.

"I can tell that you are pissed so just spit it out Jasper," she said, trying to pull her hand away from mine. I tightened my grip slightly to show her I wasn't ready to let go.

"Something about you drives my protective instincts into overdrive. I am not sure what it is exactly but thinking of you hurling yourself off a cliff for no fucking reason sets me a little on edge, Darlin'." I tried to reason my anger. It was true. Something about Bella made all of the Cullen's a little on edge when it came to her safety.

"Tell me something about you?" She asked, changing the subject away from her death adventures. There was no point in arguing with her. She would just end up winning.

"Can I show you something instead?" I asked, not wanting to talk to her about my past or see the disgust in her eyes. Not yet. She eyed me speculatively.

"Okay," she agreed.

"It's not that far, but you'll need to hop on my back, Sugar," I said pulling her to her feet and waiting for her approval.

"What are you showing me?" She asked curiously.

"There's no fun in it if I tell you. Let me _show _you." She nodded, and I gently helped her onto my back. Her heat engulfed me, warming even the coldest parts of me. Her chest pushed up against my back and made her heartbeat pulse through my chest, vibrating my own dead heart. I closed my eyes and soaked in the warmth, and could almost pretend that I was alive again before taking off.

I could see it before she could. Her human eyes not sharp enough or strong enough to see the contours of the figure ahead. I quickly pushed off the ground, tightening my grip on her legs to keep her balanced, as I cleared the railing and landed lightly on the wooden deck. Bella slid down my back landing with a soft thud. I didn't turn to see her reaction. I faced out to the open forest, leaning against the railing waiting.

"A tree-house?" She asked in surprised delight.

"Yeah, it's silly. I know," I started but she abruptly cut me off.

"It's perfect," she said in an awed voice, looking around at the larger than life tree house. I had gone a little overboard. The smooth wooden cabin nestled in a tight grove of four thick and ancient trees that were strong and deep, beautiful. It proudly sat fifteen feet up from the ground, and the deck wrapped around the little house. There was no ladder, no steps, no way up. It was a vampire tree house. Fuck! I reverted back to an eight-year-old boy.

"Did you build it?" She asked. I could feel the certainty in her question. She already knew that I had.

"I had to do something while waiting for you to get off your stubborn ass and forgive me," I teased. I needed to do something, anything that took my mind off of Alice. I needed to do something that was time consuming so I spent time on this. It was modeled to perfection.

"What made you do this? Out of everything you could have done, you built a tree-house?" She was amused, but still a little awed. I thought for a few moments about how to answer her. I didn't want to seem pathetic, but I wanted her to know the truth, know what this meant to me. I wanted Bella to know Jasper. Not the vampire, but who I could have been if I was left a human because eventually she would know the vampire Jasper and he was just a fucked up asshole.

"One of the few memories I carried over into this life was from when I was a little boy. My dad came home from work one day and took me and my younger brother out back a few yards from our house and pointed out a big tree. He said it was a special tree only it just didn't know it yet. I remember being excited. He told us that we were going to build a tree house, that every little boy needed a tree house. My grandfather had helped my dad build one when he was just a boy. My father told us how he fell out and broke his arm, and his Ma had yelled at his dad for days about it. My dad said that we would have a railing to stop us from falling out. We would have a tree house that other boys would be jealous of because we would work hard and it would pay off. We spent days drawing up plans, but he died before we could get started. My uncle tried to convince us to build it with him, but we didn't want it anymore. I didn't want to be reminded of him after that. The only thing that had mattered was that we did it together. I built this because I am alone, and it made me feel a little less alone, a little more like the little boy I was, the little boy who just wanted to spend time with his dad."

Bella was silent for a endless moment as she leaned beside me on the railing. She reached over and grabbed my hand tightly in her own. She didn't offer it and wait for me to take it. She didn't wait to see if I wanted to, or if I needed to. She didn't gage my reaction, my bloodlust. She just left all of that shit behind and held my hand because she wanted to, because she was sad and she needed to as much as I did. This was the comfort I wanted.

"When I was thirteen, I came to visit Charlie for the summer. I spent weeks before that dreading it. I hated Forks, I hated that he lived here and that I didn't really know him. I couldn't talk to him the way I could to Renee. She was like a friend rather than a parent. Charlie…he was always just a stranger. That summer was the last summer I spent here. After that we spent, two weeks every summer some place hot. When I moved here, I honestly felt like it was a my personal hell. I did it for Renee 'cause I know it's what she wanted but didn't have the heart to tell me. I was wrong to think that. Yeah things got fucked up and were miserable for a little while, but I could never have made it through without Charlie. If I hadn't moved here, later down the line when he was gone, I would be building monuments to my loss, the loss of a stranger. I wish I had a tree house story, but I don't. I have Charlie. I am not alone. That's one thing that I realized through the whole thing. The people that make your life great for a little while and then leave, don't really matter. The important people are those that stick around, or those that come back. I am not alone and neither are you. You won't leave me?"

"Never again. "

"I won't leave you either."

"Is it funny that we are making these promises when you are moving tomorrow?" I asked. It was a little ironic that she was promising not to leave me when she would leave way too soon.

"A little," she laughed, "I am moving, but not leaving you. There's a difference, right?"

"There is a difference," I agreed.

"It's time to go," she said. I had been dreading that since I heard her monster truck pull up. I pulled her onto my back again, sped towards the house and around it to the driveway. I set her down, and we stood facing one another in the sea of vivid green grass.

"Goodbye, Jasper," she said, stepping forward and wrapping her small arms around me in a soft hug. I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her to me.

"Goodbye, Darlin'," I said softly as waves of sadness rolled off of her. She pulled away too soon, and her fleeting warmth left me colder than before as she climbed into her truck and pulled away. I watched as a piece of me drove away. I am not sure how big of a piece she had or when I gave it to her, but the fading roar of her truck left a dull hollow burn in the pit of my stomach. It left me more empty than before.

**AN-- I hope you all didn't mind the POV switch part way through. I would have split it, but that would have been lame. It would have been way too short for each chapter. Do you like Jasper's POV? There will be more of it coming and hopefully not so emo, but he is a sad fucker.**


	12. It Has Been Here The Whole Time

**AN-- Alright lovelies, here is the next chapter! For the Jasper POV lovers, I hope you like this! As some of you found out when you reviewed, I am trading reviews for sneak peaks. So please review, I would love your feedback on what is happening! Thank you so much for all your positive comments and love! Sorry, this is a bit late. Thanks to my Beta EchoingWinter.**

**I don't own Twilight or any of the characters from the Twilight series. If SM wants to sell me Jasper, I would be willing to pay heaps and heaps and heaps of money (that I currently don't have. I could rob a bank?) for him. PLEASE!**

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Chapter 11

**Jasper POV**

5 days, 120 hours, 7200 minutes and way to many goddamn seconds. Being a vampire was like watching things in slow motion. Everything moved so fucking slow all the goddamn time. You would think with endless minutes and hours and years of life spanning in front of me 5 days 120 hours 7200 minutes and way to many fucking seconds would seem like a rain drop in an ocean of water. It wasn't.

I can't sleep.  
I can't dream.  
I hunt.  
I wait.  
I hunt.  
I wait.

***

A little envelope at the bottom right hand corner of my screen pulsed, drawing it to the center of my attention. Mail.

To: Jasper  
From: Bella  
Subject: I'm here

Jasper,

Sorry it took me so long to finally e-mail you! We got to El Paso safe which is surprising considering Charlie's taste in music had me wanting to hurl myself out of his new truck on the highway. Don't worry. I'm only joking…kind of.

The house is...dusty? It has the whole I-haven't-been-lived-in-for-too-long feel to it. My dad says that someone came by on the expense of his father's estate and kept things in order, cleaning and fixing up stuff, so it isn't too bad. The house itself is beautiful. The walkway leading up to the house is set with thick stone slabs that are a light faded pink colour and leads to these giant dark wood doors that are heavy and solid. You can smell the wood throughout the house. The stucco walls are a tan brown and there are cacti out front. Everything is so natural feeling. It reminds me so much of Phoenix. The air is hot and dry. Everything smells warm and sweet.

All of the furniture is still here. It's like a ghost house, white sheets covering dusty furniture. I am not sure how Charlie is taking it. There is so much of his father here. I am worried that this was a bad thing. He has been so quiet.

We live really close to Franklin Mountains State Park. It is beautiful. I bet there would be lots of hunting options. I don't know why that was the first thing I thought of when I saw it, but I guess you would be bound to find something edible in 24,000 acres.

I miss you. I am not sure why I miss you so much, but I do.

Bella

To: Bella  
From: Jasper  
Subject: I'm still here.

Bella,

Charlie will adjust. If leaving was what you needed to do then it wasn't a mistake, and it's done. Don't waste your time worrying about the could haves, should haves, would haves. You are where you need to be right now. If it turns out to be the wrong place for the long run than you will find your way home.

I am curious as to why you are hunting for something to eat in a park? Watch out for the Lynx and other cats. I don't think they would really be to your tastes. You might prefer some Armadillo! They are the state mammal after all.

I am still in Forks, but it seems empty. It doesn't have what I am looking for. I don't know where to go next. I don't know what to do.

I miss you too.

Jasper

***

Hunt.  
Wait.  
Hunt.  
144 hours.

***

Hunt.  
Wait.  
Hunt.  
168 hours.

***

I won't wait another fucking minute.

I'll call her.

She didn't e-mail back. Maybe something happened?

Fuck no. If she wants to talk to you, then she will call you.

Screw that. We are friends. I can call a friend. It's just Bella. Just Bella. Fuck! Why is it Bella?

First ring. _Fuck me, I shouldn't have called._

_S_econd ring. _Shit. Something's wrong._

Third ring. _She is the worst fucking friend ever. Why hasn't she called me? Why isn't she answering?_

"Hello," her soft voice cleared my head and killed my panic.

"Bella," I greeted. I hadn't really given much thought to what I wanted to say to her. I didn't even know why I wanted to talk to her so badly. I was losing my fucking mind.

"Jasper!" It wasn't just me. She sounded relieved.

"How are you, Darlin?" I want her to hold my hand and make me feel better. I wanted her here with me right now. She was silent. I waited for her response. I could hear her breathing and her heartbeat through the phone, but she wasn't saying anything. "Bella?" I asked, the panic starting to bubble up again.

"Nothing's wrong. I just had an argument with Charlie," her voice cracked a little bit. She barely whispered her words. I didn't need to be with her to tell that she was upset. "I have no one to talk to. We are out here all alone. We don't know anyone. I just..." She started to get worked up.

"Why didn't you call me?" I was more than a little hurt. I wanted to be the one she called when she was upset.

"I wanted to," she whispered again like she was admitting to a terrible secret. This shit was starting to piss me off. I wanted to talk to her, and she wanted to talk to me. We were friends. Why the fuck didn't she just call me?

"Then, why didn't you?" I asked a little harsher than I wanted to. My brain was screaming, 'She's upset! Be nice!', but the rest of me was angry.

"Why are you angry?" She asked. Her voice was irritated and confused.

"Because I waited seven days to hear from you, seven fucking days, and when I finally call you, you're upset."

"So?" She asked. She was bordering on pissed off. The tension in her voice was on the verge of snapping.

"So? I want you to fucking call me when you are upset. If you don't want to talk to me about this stuff that's fine, but don't give me bullshit about how you wanted to call me but didn't. If you want to talk to me, pick up the goddamn phone, Bella!" I yelled at her.

"You waited seven days to call me," she spat back at me.

"So?" Where the fuck was she going with this?

"Why didn't _you _call _me _sooner?" Shit.

"I don't know."

"Me neither," she huffed at me. Point made. I was a hypocrite.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"What happened with Charlie?" I asked. I should have asked that at the start.

"I picked a fight with him," she said sounding ashamed. I wanted to climb through the phone and comfort her. I wanted to make her feel better like she had for me.

"Why?"

"He wasn't talking to me. Since the day after we got here, he just leaves in the morning and comes home late at night. It's like before when we had so many secrets and when neither of us knew how to say what we wanted. It was driving me fucking nuts. I just wanted him to tell me what was wrong. We got into an argument. I asked him if he wanted to go home, and he wouldn't answer me." Her voice was wavering and weak as she continued, "Jasper I made him come here. I couldn't leave him behind, and now he is miserable."

"Darlin', you didn't make him do anything. He is an adult. He did what he thought was best. You can't blame yourself for everything."

"But I wouldn't have left Forks without him. He knew it. He didn't want to hold me back. It is my fault," she argued.

"Bella, this shit has to stop. You are not responsible for anyone other than yourself. Other people make choices, sometimes those choice are shit and they deal with the consequences of it, but that doesn't make it your fault. Charlie chose to move. He chose to do what he thought needed to be done. That is not your fault. Fuck, Bella. You are nineteen years old. You don't have to carry the weight of everyone else's shit on your shoulders. Let it go."

"You're mean." She tried to sound angry, but she knew I was right.

"And you're into self-loathing. We all have our faults. I am serious, Bella. It isn't your fault. Let it go. If you don't, things won't get better."

"Okay," she conceded.

"And next time?" I asked in a commanding voice. This shit wasn't going to happen twice.

"I will call you," she agreed, "but the same shit goes for you. Don't sit on your ass for seven days waiting for me to call. If you want to talk to me, pick up the fucking phone."

"Okay," I agreed. "You ok, Darlin'?" I asked softly.

"No, I am sad," she answered.

"Will you be ok?" I rephrased.

"Will you?" She countered.

***

**September**

Hunt.

Deer are not fucking good enough.

I crouched.

The scents, all of them, thousands of smells all attacking me through a wide filter.

Narrow it down.

Comb through the filter.

Grass.  
Rain.  
Deer.

I felt the imitation of a burn in my throat. Deer was not a fucking human, not even close, but it pulled me. Hunting wasn't an effort, or a chore. It was instinct. Like a human knows how to breathe, I know how to kill. My body follows the blood, my survival.

I draw closer to the young doe, silently I approach.

Snap the neck.  
Tear the fur.  
Bite the vein.  
Disgusting but warm.

I pull. Each pull just as satisfyingly unsatisfying as the next. Like dying of thirst and being offered a glass of sewage when what you are really dying for is ice cold water.

My phone catches me off guard, the loud ringing scaring the remaining herd. I was a ghost. They didn't hear me approach, attack or feed, but they heard my fucking phone. I flipped it open checking the display as I wiped the blood from my lips.

_Bella._

"Hi Darlin'," I answered. It was strange that relief washed through me rather than irritation. I don't take well to being interrupted mid meal, but for her it was different.

"Hi Jasper."

"How are you?" I asked, silently begging her not to ask what I was doing, Explanations weren't my strong suite. Well, Bella, I was just sucking dry a deer, and now I am disposing of its lifeless body. That was a really great conversation starter.

"I'm good, you?"

"I'm better now." Okay, note to self, mouth check with brain before saying stupid shit.

"I am nervous," she mumbled out.

"You will be fine tomorrow." Bella and first days of school didn't have the best track record. First day of Forks High ,she had been the center of focus and almost killed by a pussy vampire.

"I know," she huffed.

"Then why are you nervous?"

"'Cause I am. I can be nervous if I want to be," she said stubbornly. I could just picture her jutting her chin out in defiance.

"You want to be nervous?" She wasn't making sense.

"No, that isn't what I meant."

"Well, Sugar, why don't you hurry the fuck up and say what it is that you meant 'cause I am getting a little confused."

"What if I hate it?"

"Then you make changes."

"Fuck you for being rational." I chuckled at her irritation. Hearing her curse was still amusing. She looked so innocent. Then she opened her mouth and sounded like a drunken sailor.

"Always the lady Isabella. So polite and gentle," I teased. She growled; it almost sounded intimidating. Almost.

"Who the fuck cares about being a lady if there are all these lame ass rules? You may be old, but here in the present day I don't need to bat my eyelashes, hold my tongue and swoon over the first male that comes a courting'."

"Well, thank fucking god for that." Who wanted to court her? Had she met someone? He wasn't good enough for her. There was a tense silence as the mood changed from joking to seriousness. "If you hate it, you can do something different. You aren't stuck," I said trying to get back on topic.

"I don't want to waste time."

"Bella, you are nineteen. You are young. Time isn't something you have to worry about. Try shit, learn shit, have fun. If it doesn't work, then move on to the next thing."

"That's easy for you to say. You have endless time."

"It's funny. You feel limited, but you are so free. I am meant to have very little limitations, but I am fucking stuck."

"Go home, Jasper."

"I am home," I said stubbornly.

"Your home is where you family is." What family?

"It doesn't feel that way." It feels like home when I talk to you. "I haven't had a friend in over a hundred years." I blurted out.

"What?" She sounded shocked and sad.

"You are my first friend in over one hundred years. I have brothers and sisters, my coven. I don't have friends. For someone who is meant to have a limitless existence, I have so many fucking limits. Vampires are territorial and protective. You don't just saunter up to another vampire and become BFFs. We don't trust easily. I don't trust easily."

"But you trust me?"

"Completely." Undoubtedly with everything. Since Edward had brought Bella home, I trusted her. Alice had told me not to kill her, not to harm her. They were meant to be best friends. I agreed to not harm her, but I was wary. I had my guard up until I met her. Then, everything changed. Something about her just clicked. Bella was good. I could trust her. I would protect her even if that meant staying far away from her which I thought it had while Edward was there. I was wrong. What I needed was to be her friend. The connection that I thought had developed out of desperation and abandonment had always been there. We were always kept too far apart to realize this.

The Hotel.  
The Hunt.  
James.

I knew, I fucking knew it then. Something was different. I just didn't realize what it meant, what she meant. She was my family. I put her in that category without hesitation.

"I trust you too."

"I know." No one had. Ever.

"Jasper, tell me how you were changed. Tell me everything?" She asked.

"You won't like what you hear." You won't like me anymore.

"You said you trusted me." And?

" I do."

"Then trust that I care about you unconditionally. The past is the past. I care about who you are now. I may not like the shit you have done in the past, but I do like _you._"

"I was going to kill you." She had to know it all.

"You're not talking about my birthday."

"No."

"You knew. Edward saved you. He lifted a fucking car right in front of you. You were the exception to his gift, and you drove his thirst to extremes. You scared the hell out of me. You were a risk, and I wanted to eliminate the risk." I was silent. I waited for it to sink in. I waited to hear her gasp in shock, tell me I was a monster, or just waited to hear the click of the phone as she hung up.

"If you're waiting for me to get upset, you will be waiting for a while. I am still alive so let's move on," she said firmly.

"Edward and Alice talked me out of it. Edward threatened to remove very important appendages if I continued to think about hurting you, and if I actually went through with it he would have undoubtedly killed me."

"Probably. He was a bit of a drama queen."

"Things changed. I didn't want to hurt you after I met you. You were important. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I won't hurt you."

"I know," her voice rang clear as a fucking bell, unwavering in her certainty.

"I have killed lots of people, turned innocent people into vampires, and killed thousands of vampires. I have scars to prove it. I fought a fight that I didn't even care about. I fought for food, blood, control. I fought for Maria, my creator."

She sat in silence as I told her my life. I laid it out to her. The puzzle, huge pieces were still missing. Memories from my human life gone. Major Jasper Whitlock faded, died, disappeared. With Maria, I was just Jasper. I was powerful to an extent. The only control I had was what she gave me. I was a puppet. I have spent most of my vampire life as a fucking puppet. Bella's steady heartbeat was unnerving, no reaction.

"You're different now," she said softly after I was done.

"No." I wouldn't lie to her, ever. I wasn't different I still wanted to hunt and kill and drink.

"Yes."

"I want to be different." I want to hunt and kill and drink, but I don't.

"See, that is the difference. You want the change. You are working for it. You can't go back and change anything, you can't unmake your mistakes, and shit, Jasper, you made huge fucking mistakes, but you left Maria."

"Yeah," I said sadly. We sat in an uncomfortable silence for too many minutes. I wanted her to react more. I wanted her to hate me for everyone that couldn't. I wanted her to yell at me for the lives of everyone I silenced. I wanted to stop making mistakes. Maria, newborns, paper cuts, Alice, so many fucking mistakes.

"Alice wasn't the same as Maria, Jasper. That wasn't a mistake," she said knowingly.

"No, it wasn't but its over." So over, and it was okay.

"Yeah."

"I think it's a good thing." Bella wasn't a mistake. When I talked to her, things weren't missing. I wasn't searching. I wasn't alone.

""Me too."

***

**OCTOBER**

I wasn't counting the hours, or the minutes. I didn't know exactly how many seconds it had been since I last talked to Bella. I wasn't constantly thinking about her. I did not have feelings for her. Bella was my friend. I wasn't lying to myself or miserable when I wasn't talking to her. The hole didn't get bigger every time we hung up, and it certainly didn't close completely when I heard her soft warm voice.

I did not have a crush on Bella.

I am the worst fucking liar EVER.

The loud incessant beeping of my cell phone broke through my self-induced fog. I was waiting, waiting for her to call and for her to get home from class. I spent each minute waiting until I could call her or she would call me, until everything will feel a fucking hell of a lot better, feel more alive, more right.

"Hello," I answered, the number wasn't familiar.

"Hello, brother."

"Peter," I groaned, not the voice I wanted to hear.

"Get off your emo ass. It's time," he said cryptically. Creepy motherfucker was at it again.

"Time for what?"

"Time for your future."

"I have no future. I told you what Alice said last time we talked."

"I don't care what Alice said. I am telling you it's time. Get your ass up here."

"Where is 'here?'"

"Brother, you know exactly where here is. It is right smack dab where you fucking want to be," he laughed and hung up.

_Bella._

**AN- So these parts take place from when she moves from June thru October. The letters are e-mails, but I wasn't able to put e-mail addies into the story; the browser kept deleting it. I hope you enjoyed it. Review = Sneak Peaks remember!! Also if some of you are confused about the friend comment, Jasper doesn't consider Peter and Charlotte friends. He considers them family, more family than he does the Cullens, but their lifestyle led to a lot of guilt on his part as he was unable to say no to human blood while with them. You will understand more later, but Bella is his only friend most of the others were just a relationships of convenience **


	13. Wake up

**AN- Okay. I don't even know what to say except, wow! The response I got from the last chapter was amazing! It was the most reviewed chapter as of yet! So I think it is safe to say you all enjoy Jasper's POV? LoL. **

**This chapter is Bella POV unfortunately, but don't worry we will hear more from Jasper soon. This is starting from when Bella arrives in El Paso. So it's going back in time a little. It is slightly before the start of the last chapter. There are some things that Bella needs to show you! **

**As always, I don't own anything. It is really depressing. SM owns it all. I am just having fun playing with her characters. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and asked questions! In exchange for reviews, you get sneak peaks so please don't hesitate to let me know what you are thinking! Now on with the chapter. Sorry I talk to much.**

* * *

Chapter 12

"Dad, look," I called to Charlie, stepping out the thick, glass doors into the backyard. The landscape of the backyard was breathtaking. There was a pool that sloped gently into a deep basin with sand at the entrance like a beach entrance. The pool was surrounded by thick slabs of dark and light rock that were cool to touch despite the burning, Texas sun. Surrounding the pool were the most beautiful array of flowers and plants.

"Look at what?" Charlie asked as he joined me. It took him a few minutes to pick his jaw up off the ground before I pointed at the cactus.

"Pitaya," I stated.

"Pit-a-what-ya?" He asked with a confused looked on his face.

"Dragon fruit," I explained.

"Sweetie, this is a cactus not a fruit. Don't let me find you trying to eat the plants," he teased with a look of slight worry on his face.

"I know it's a cactus, but this" I said pointing at the purple red growth, "is a Pitaya. Haven't you ever had dragon fruit before?" I asked slightly in shock. They were by far my favourite fruit.

"No! You eat this?" He asked, hesitantly poking the tough leathery skin of the fruit.

"Well, you don't bite into it or anything. You cut it open. It's the inside that you eat. Can you get me a knife?" I asked, looking at the different fruits on the tree. He didn't say anything as he walked into the house. I heard the sound of several drawers being opened and closed and his footsteps as he made his way back outside.

"Want me to cut it?" He asked, eyeing my open hand and the sharp knife nervously.

"Screw off. I can cut a damn fruit on my own thanks," I grumbled. I swear I am not as klutzy as everyone thinks I am. Everyone just pays way more attention to me so when I do screw up it makes it seem like I do it more than normal. So what if I fall and hurt myself. I bleed a lot. I break things…mostly myself. Who doesn't?

I took the knife from Charlie, cut the fruit off the cactus, and motioned him to follow me into the house. I placed the fruit on the counter and cut it in half, revealing the snow white center flecked with black sesame seed like filling.

"It tastes best when it is cold, but it doesn't bother me eating it warm like this," I explained while cutting it further into watermelon-like pieces. I handed Charlie a piece, and he scrunched his nose up while looking at it with concern.

"What does it taste like?"

"It has the consistency of a kiwi. The seeds give it that grainy texture, but it is very mild and sweet. It doesn't have an overwhelming taste. Some people find it bland, but it is actually a really lovely and inoffensive taste. Try it," I begged as I bit into my piece, chewing the seeds. I watched his expression as he took a small, beyond small, bite of the fruit. His face went from concern to relief as he realized that I wasn't feeding him poison or shit.

"Do you like it?" I asked hopeful.

"It's different. I can't believe it came off that cactus. I didn't know they grew fruit." He said while standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the yard.

"It has flowers too," I said. He looked at me with surprise.

"See the yellow things. They kind of look like vines coming down in groups but are short."

"Yeah, those don't really look like flowers."

"They are. They bloom at night."

"Only at night?"

"Yup. And not for very long either, maybe a few hours at the most. They are really beautiful. The flower is white and smells very sweet." I stood slightly behind him looking out the window, chewing on my piece. In truth, the sweet, gentle flavour was only half of what I loved about it. The leathery skin and the leafy exterior were tough and strange, not something you would think of eating, but the inside was soft and sweet. Like so much in life, you lost out if you didn't look past the exterior and dig a little deeper.

"Moonflower." I smiled to myself remembering what Renee had called it. Charlie looked at me with a sad look in his eyes and an imitation of a smirk on his face.

"This is right for you, kid." It was a statement. I could feel that it was right. I was where I was meant to be, but why did it feel so empty like a dark shadow the hot sun refused to penetrate. I was stuck in the overcast. I was stuck in Forks, my own personal Forks…in fucking Texas. Something was still missing, but I wasn't sure what?

I was going out of my mind. There was nothing right about this. Charlie. I missed my Dad, or the man he had become as we grew closer. He was gone. He pulled away. He was too quiet, always too quiet. He was sad. I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt. Guilt that I still couldn't regret my choice to move, guilt that my choice had affected Charlie and that he wasn't happy. Most of all, guilt that even though deep down in the set of my bones I knew I was right being here and that something was going to change, I still couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something, overlooking some insanely obvious part of my life. I heard him come in the front door quietly and make his way into the kitchen.

"Hey Dad," I greeted from my post at the kitchen table. The thick wooden table was long and raw. It looked handmade and was beautiful in its simplicity.

"Hi," he responded with a slight nod of his head as he reached into the fridge for a bottle of water.

"Where were you?" I asked, not wanting to sound like a nagging house wife just wanting to break the quiet spell we seemed to be under.

"Out," he answered, heading into the living room. I followed behind him unwilling to let it go. We had been here almost a week, and he had been gone all day almost every day since we arrived. He hadn't unpacked any of his stuff, or acknowledge any type of change at all. He woke up, left, came home, ate, slept and started all over again.

"Out where?" I asked a little more firmly.

"Does it matter?"

"No, but why won't you answer?" He didn't answer, he just sat down on the brown leather couch that was too comfortable and too soft. "Dad?"

"What?" He snapped. He had never really lost his patience with me. He had been upset with me before, but never without a reason. My hands began to shake with pent up anger. He was keeping secrets, he wasn't talking to me, but when I tried to pull this shit when I was upset he always called me on it. I don't like double fucking standards.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" I grumbled at him.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"I want you to say something, anything. I would like you to stop moping around and tell me what the hell is the matter with you. I want more than the one word answers you are giving me. I am going to lose my fucking mind if I have to sit through one more silent dinner."

"I am not moping."

"Then what are you doing."

"Nothing."

"That's my point! You do nothing, you say nothing, and then you leave. You haven't unpacked anything!" I yelled out my frustration. I wanted a reaction, anything. I was dying for a fight anything to make him wake the fuck up.

"I will."

"When?"

"Eventually," he said casually, not looking me in the eye.

"Do you want to be here?" I asked quietly.

"Right now…no."

"Do you want live here?" I clarified.

"I'm going upstairs," he said roughly, standing up and heading towards the stairs.

"Dad, don't…just answer me. Do you want to go home?" I was begging.

"This is our home now." He said it in a scary, dead voice as he climbed the stairs walking away from me.

Back to the silence.

I wanted to break something, yell, scream, throw shit, but I sat there thinking about how shitty everything had become. How in so little time we had ruined so much. I sat there thinking about the one person who I tried to avoid thinking of, the one person I liked to pretend that I wasn't itching to call, the one person who I wanted to see the most and who would make me feel better.

Jasper.

I watched as the sun disappeared fading in a blaze of fire red, burnt orange, soft pinks to the deepest of blues. I sat in the backyard, the heat still hung heavy and thick in the air, and I slid my feet into the cool water of the pool and felt the chill spread through my body. I was not thinking of Jasper as I sat there. I was not wanting to call him, and I wasn't wondering if he was thinking about me.

When the shrill ring of the cordless phone snapped me out of my non-Jasper related thoughts, I did not desperately want it to be him…my friend. What's wrong with wanting to talk to a friend?

"Hello?" I answered. I knew I sounded dull and unhappy, but I wasn't up for a conversation with Jake or Billy. Besides, it was either them or a telemarketer.

"Bella," Jasper's smooth, deep voice greeted. I ripped the phone away from my ear and checked the display. I wasn't losing my mind and hearing things. It was really him.

"Jasper!" I couldn't help, but be relieved.

"How are you, darlin'?" Shitty. Stupid. Mean. Tired. Alone. Bored. I can think of a lot more, possibly crazy, because I miss you way more than I realized. "Bella?" He asked after a few moments, sounding worried. I realized that I hadn't answered him.

"Nothing's wrong. I just had an argument with Charlie." My voice cracked pathetically, the way it always did when I was trying to hide that I was upset. It gave me away. I quietly continued, knowing he would hear me and hoping that I didn't sound so pathetic "I have no one to talk to, we are out here all alone, and we don't know anyone. I just..." …want to see you. I just wanted to talk to you. I was starting to get upset, and as much as my brain screamed at me to get it under control, my heart was breaking for the pain I was causing Charlie.

"Why didn't you call me?" He asked. His tone threw me off a little bit.

"I wanted to," I admitted. I wanted to so badly, but I can't. You can't be the friend that I want you to be, and I can't be the friend that you need me to be. I can't let you in. I can't let you be anything important because it hurts too much when you leave. It hurts too much when I care about shit.

"Then, why didn't you?" He asked, his voice hard and angry.

"Why are you angry?" I asked genuinely confused.

"Because I waited seven days to hear from you, seven fucking days, and when I finally call you, you're upset." What? He was waiting for me to call him. Why? Why did it matter if I was upset and didn't call him? What the fuck?

"So?" I asked through my teeth, trying to hold in the anger that was slowly building. I had enough shit to deal with without his strange moods.

"So?!" He shouted incredulously, "I want you to fucking call me when you are upset. If you don't want to talk to me about this stuff, that's fine. Don't give me bullshit about how you wanted to call me, but didn't. If you want to talk to me, pick up the goddamn phone, Bella."

"You waited seven days to call me," I spat back at the stupid, asshole hypocrite.

"So?" Did he honestly not know where I was going with this?

"Why didn't _you _call _me _sooner?" Ha! I win, Jerk!

"I don't know," he admitted sounding ashamed.

"Me neither." I know I sounded immature and a tad petulant, but fuck that. If I am going to get yelled at for being a shitty friend than it better be for a good fucking reason.

"I'm sorry." His voice was dripping with sincerity.

"I know."

"What happened with Charlie?" He asked softly.

"I picked a fight with him." _Please come here. I want to hold your hand. _I silently begged him.

"Why?"

"He wasn't talking to me. Since the day after we got here, he just leaves in the morning and comes home late at night. It's like before when we had so many secrets, and neither of us knew how to say what we wanted. It was driving me fucking nuts. I just wanted him to tell me what was wrong. We got into an argument, I asked him if he wanted to go home, and he wouldn't answer me." Saying it aloud was breaking my heart. The guilt was killing me. "Jasper, I made him come here. I couldn't leave him behind. Now, he is miserable."

"Darlin', you didn't make him do anything. He is an adult. He did what he thought was best. You can't blame yourself for everything." Why can't I believe you?

"But I wouldn't have left Forks without him. He knew it. He didn't want to hold me back. It is my fault!" I argued.

"Bella, this shit has to stop. You are not responsible for anyone other than yourself. Other people make choices, sometimes those choice are shit and they deal with the consequences of it, but that doesn't make it your fault. Charlie chose to move. He chose to do what he thought needed to be done. That is not your fault. Fuck, Bella, you are nineteen years old. You don't have to carry the weight of everyone else's shit on your shoulders. Let it go."

"You're mean" LIE! He wasn't mean. He was right, and blunt, and perfect. I needed his no bullshit approach.

"And you're into self-loathing. We all have our faults. I am serious. Bella, it isn't your fault. Let it go. If you don't, things won't get better." I chocked back a laugh, and let his words settle over me with some relief. I can't control everything.

"Okay," I agreed in a sigh of relief.

"And next time?" He asked in a firm and demanding voice. I knew what he wanted to hear, and it made me almost giddy that he needed me as much as I needed him. _NO! I DON'T NEED HIM! I DON'T NEED ANYONE!_

"I will call you," I agreed, but I needed something from him too, "but the same shit goes for you. Don't sit on your ass for seven days waiting for me to call. If you want to talk to me, pick up the fucking phone."

"Okay," he agreed. I could hear the smile in his voice before his voice changed. "You okay, Darlin'?" He asked softly.

"No, I am sad," I answered as honestly as I could. I was done lying. I am done putting on the brave fucking face for everyone. I am going to feel whatever the fuck I want to feel.

"Will you be okay?" He asked, changing his question slightly. I don't know. I honestly don't know and that scares the shit out of me.

"Will you?" I asked him, wondering if he was feeling even half as conflicted as I was. When did life get so complicated?

***

September 13th. Fuck. Again.

I grumbled as I made my way down the stairs. No Charlie. Again. Things with Charlie had started to improve slightly over the summer. He had made a few friends in the area, more than I can say for myself. He was still a little distant, but he wasn't miserable. That was a good step right?

The sharp knock on the door startled me as I turned away from the kitchen. I pulled the door open, that shit was heavy. Giant, solid, wood doors that weigh almost as much as I do are a struggle to get open. A man in a brown, UPS uniform stood waiting, looking bored and hot.

"Isabella Swan," he asked, his southern accent making him sound twice as bored and thoroughly unimpressed. Apparently he didn't have very much job satisfaction.

"Yeah."

"I have a package for you." Duh! Wow, genius.

"Sign here please," he said, thrusting a black electronic signing pad at me that distorts your attempt at a signature into a messy blob of scribbles. "Thanks," he said taking back the machine when I was done and handing me a small shoe box size package and turning to leave.

The writing on the box instantly had my heart thumping. A familiar warm ache spreading through me. I ripped the tape off the box, and opened it revealing a beautiful white Gardenia and a thick piece of rolled paper the length of the shoe box. As I pulled it out of the box, I saw the note addressed to me underneath. I carefully unrolled the paper to reveal a beautiful charcoal drawing.

Jasper's muscular shoulders were stretched tight as he leaned against the railing of the tree house. His soft locks fell gently in his face as he held onto my hand firmly. I was leaning into him staring out into the woods while his eyes were locked on my face, a gentle smile played on his full lips. It was that moment, a perfect image of that moment. It was beauty, peace, and happiness. I picked up the note hesitantly, still in awe of the picture in my hand.

_Vampires don't forget.  
__Happy Birthday.  
__Jasper_

It wasn't a terrible birthday.

*

Class

*

Dinner

*

"Who's the package from?" Charlie asked. eyeing the box that was sitting on the coffee table in the living room.

"Jasper."

"What did he send you?"

"A drawing and a flower," I answered not offering to show him the picture. It felt too private.

"What type of flower?" He asked after a few minutes of thought.

"A white Gardenia," I answered not seeing why that was important. Charlie's laughter surprised me. "What?" I asked.

"Do you like Jasper?" He asked me.

"Yes."

"Well, Bells, he sure as hell likes you," he answered smugly.

"What the fuck does that mean? Of course he likes me. We are friends." Friends, just friends.

"Not what I meant. Don't play dumb. It doesn't suit you," he chuckled, shaking his head at me. "Do you know what a Gardenia represents?" He asked.

"No, but I am guessing you do." Smug bastard.

"Secret love," he answered with self satisfied smirk. Now it was my turn to laugh. "Laugh all you want Bells, but that boy likes you and you like him. From the looks of things though you two might be too stupid to realize it, but he seems to be a little closer to the truth than you," he said, getting up and patting my cheek gently. "Happy birthday, Bells. You're twenty. It's time for you to wake up and live again," he said before heading to bed, leaving me sitting there in a stunned silence.

Jasper. Love. Flowers. Me? I was drowning in the jumble of thoughts. Panic bubbled in the pit of my stomach. Love was pain. Love ruined everything. It hurt and it didn't last. I wasn't in love with Jasper. He was too important to love. Jasper mattered too much to say goodbye to, he was too important to let go of, and it would hurt too much to lose him. Love ends. If what I had with Jasper ended, it would crush me. Friends. Just friends. He was too important for anything else.

I picked up the phone in a desperate panic. His voice would anchor me. It always did.

"Hello, Darlin'."

"Hey, Jasper," I said and everything was alright. I was home.

***

Pale. Too pale. Tall. Lean. Dangerous. His eyes were locked on me. They followed me through the crowd as I pretended like I didn't notice, pretended like every nerve in my body wasn't screaming DANGER! VAMPIRE! I rounded the corner, cutting out through the library door, and gulping the warm night air. He slid his ice cold arm around my shoulder like we were old friends.

"Bella," he greeted. I had to choke back a gasp as his muddy brown contacts dissolved, exposing his vivid red eyes. Everything, every part of me wanted to run, but he was faster, stronger, and unstoppable.

"Hello," I answered back.

"How are you?" He asked pleasantly, guiding me away from the library towards the empty parking lot. I couldn't muster enough energy to be scared.

"I've been better," I answered pointedly, glaring at his arm that was still around my shoulder. Was it really fucked that it felt nice against my hot skin in the hot night air? He eyed me with an amused smirk.

"Are you going to try and run?" He asked curiously.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Would I get very far?" He laughed. It was a deep, gravelly sound. It wasn't unpleasant.

"You're not going to tell me I won't get away with this or that your family will 'avenge' you?" He asked dramatically, still obviously teasing me.

"Nope."

"Why not?" He asked again.

"Would _they _get very far?" I repeated my previous question, altering it slightly. His red eyes flashed with amusement as he laughed appreciatively.

"You're a funny little one, Bella," he stated, stopping in front of my car. I had purchased a Volkswagen Golf. It was a lemon, I knew it was going to constantly have problems, but its faded green and cute frame were endearing. LuLu the Lemon, she was christened. Jake had taught me the importance of naming cars. He was convinced they had souls.

"Jasper would rip me to shreds if I hurt you," he mused. Jasper's name shocked me out of my memory and a warm ache spread through me. I stared at him with my mouth open in clear shock.

"How do you know…what are you going to…what the hell is going on?" I spluttered.

"I know lots of things, Bella. I am not going to hurt you. You already know that."

"I don't. Red eyes mean you drink human blood."

"I do but not your blood, Kitten," he said affectionately, leading me to the passenger door of my own car and holding out his hand for the keys. "Bella, you're not scared," he stated with conviction. To be honest I wasn't. I thought I was in too much shock to be scared, but that wasn't the case. This strange vampire didn't spark any fear. He seemed familiar.

"No, I'm not," I agreed, pulling my keys from my bag. "I can drive," I said stubbornly.

"That's nice, Kitten," he said while grabbing the keys from my hand and unlocking the door, gently pushing me in. I watched him make his way around the front of the car at human speed and climb in the driver's seat.

"You know, you are being very rude," I told him. He looked surprised at my assessment.

"Okay, I'll bite…"he winked at his joke, "how am I being rude?"

"You're in my car, you know my name, and you clearly have a plan. You know a hell of a lot that I don't. It would have been nice if you could let me have just one answer."

"Which one would you like?" He asked smiling curiously at me as he pulled out of the student parking lot.

"What the fuck is your name?"

"Peter."

**---Thank you to my Beta EchoingWinter! I hope you liked this! Remember Reviews = Sneak Peaks!---**


	14. Home

**An- Thank you all for your reviews on the last chapter!! This chapter has been reposted after being edited by EchoingWinter, so thank you so much for saving me from the terrors of bad grammar in which I am so prone to participate freely in! **

**I know it was a little repetitive with the repeat in the phone call conversation, but I wanted you to see the connection between Bella and Jasper's feelings in a common situation.****Something I just wanted to mention quickly, I probably should have before, the lack of visions from Alice about Bella and Jasper have NOTHING to do with the wolves. In this story Alice's visions are not lost on the wolves. The fact that she can't see Bella and Jasper has to do entirely with those two and choices they have made that have led them in the wrong direction.**

**I don't own Twilight, I don't own Jasper, Bella, Alice or Peter. I don't even own the twilight umbrella that I saw a 13 year old walking with this morning, though I am not sure I mind not owning that because my umbrella is clear and I can see the raindrops it makes me feel like I am underwater. -see I told you I talk to much! Enjoy.**

Chapter 13

**Jasper POV**

Her name ran through my head on constant repeat. I needed to see her. Then, I could think again. Think of anything but her.

_Bella _

_Bella_

_Bella_

_Bella_

**Alice?**

"Hello?" I asked, answering the phone as it vibrated. A few months ago, I was desperate to hear her small, energetic voice. I would have given anything in life to hear the words that she said to me next.

"Jasper! I miss you!" But it was too late, not enough, and not even close to what I needed. Not then. Not now. Not ever.

"Hi Alice," she paused at the sound of my voice. It was distant.

_Bella _

_Bella_

_Bella_

_Bella_

"You don't miss me?" She asked. The question screamed out the simple words, and they meant more then what she said.

"Not the way I used to." I don't miss holding you and kissing you.

"Which way do you miss me?" She asked quietly.

"The way I am meant to." The way you told me I would. You will be like a sister, a friend, a confidant, not yet, but maybe in the future. You are only inching upon forgiveness.

"Which is?"

"Like a distant friend, like someone who broke my heart, like someone who left me, like someone I used to love."

"Used to love?" She sounded hurt.

"I am not in love with you, Alice." It was the first time I had said that out loud, or even acknowledged it. Each word shocked me as they left my tongue. Each word ripped through the uncertainty and chaos she had left behind, and settled into a deadly calm.

"I know. You were never meant to for very long," she said sadly. I would have felt bad for her, but self-fulfilling prophecy is a bitch. It was her choice, always her choice.

"Are you happy yet?" It wasn't really a question. I could tell she wasn't. She left me to be happy, she left me to find someone else who could make her happy, and it was clear that she hadn't found her future either.

"No." Not yet.

"What do you see?" Your future. My future. Bella's future. Anything?

"Everything. Nothing. Not enough." It was vague and left the taste of dread on my tongue.

"You're going to her." It was a question, a statement, an order, and a lament all in one. It was a goodbye and a heart-wrenching ending. She whispered it sweetly, and it hurt to hear as much as I know it hurt her to say.

"Yes," I answered. Peter was right, it was time. She was where I wanted to be. Bella. Home, "Did you see it?"

"No. Yes. Sort of. A million years ago and every day since," she said dramatically, but her voice was dead and hollow.

"Can you see me? Can you see her?" I asked quickly hoping the answer was yes and that things would be okay.

"Not anything new." New? She saw me go to her. Her words clicked into place. "A million years ago," an exaggeration with a underlying truth.

"You saw this before." It hit me hard. I slid down the wall of my closet where I had been frantically packing clothing to leave.

"Yes."

"You said we were blank that you couldn't see us anymore." What's the truth? Why is there no truth in anything anymore, just lies and hidden motives.

"I can't." Lie? No.

"Fuck, Alice, none of this is making any sense." She hesitated before speaking in a sad and guilty tone.

"I love Bella. I really do, but I am selfish. I wanted you. I saw what a friendship with her would do to you, and I tried to make the changes she would make in you. It didn't work. It never worked. It just made things worse. Edward loved Bella too, Jasper, and it would have ruined our family. It would have ruined everything, not just me and you."

"What would have?"

"Your love," she whispered in the voice of a broken, little girl.

"Love?" I was shocked. Bella. Love? Me.

"Don't act stupid. Don't pretend with me," she huffed out, trying to cover her pain.

"I am not in love with Bella." The words felt wrong and cold.

"You would have been. I saw it. You would have loved her like you never loved me, and you would have been happy. I tried to make you happy with me. I am selfish. I know I ruined it. I pushed you. I pushed you so far out of her reach and pushed her so far out of yours. I tried to make it safe, but it just made things…" She hesitated, but I knew where this was going.

"Disappear?" I suggested in a voice as cold as ice and hard as steel.

"Yes... At first, I thought that meant that I was changing those pieces of your future. But there was no change just blank spots where your happiness would have been. I saw that wherever she was you wouldn't feel right unless you were there. You didn't even realize it. When we left, after the paper cut, you thought I was angry at you. I wasn't. I was angry that it still didn't change anything, that you still needed her. You both misunderstood and misplaced so much emotion. It would have been funny if it hadn't been breaking my heart. That empty piece, that thing you were missing, it was her. It was always her. You went back to Forks, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"I didn't see that, but I knew it. Did you even realize you were going back for her?" She laughed at my silence. It wasn't a happy laugh.

"I always knew I wasn't the one for you, that someone else would make you happier. I didn't know it was her until the day you met her. She came over to the house. I know you remember. I could see your expression change from your fear of her and what she would do to the family, to awe and protectiveness. I saw her holding your hand. The background was blurry. There wasn't a set place or time when it would happen, but it would happen. She would hold your hand and you wouldn't want to let go."

"Did Edward know?" I asked. Who else had kept me from her?

"He didn't know that what I was seeing was love. He thought it was just friendship, and he didn't trust you enough to trust my visions."

"I would have loved her?" I asked still shocked. The sadness was creeping up at an alarming rate.

"Yes, and Jasper, I think you probably still will love her if you don't already." Was I really hopeless? Was it really already too late? Was I already in love?

"Would she have loved me?" I whispered, begging for the truth and a lie all at once. Tell me she would have. My heart would bleed pure agony if you say no. Tell me she wouldn't have. Don't let me think of what I could have had and what I lost without realizing what I was losing. Please tell me something because either way I am going insane.

"More than anything." It was simple and honest, sad and excruciating.

"More than Edward?" It was a stupid and immature question. It made light of the entire situation, but I needed to know could she love me. Could she love me more than that shadow of a love she felt for Edward, that wisp. The fleeting breath of love that had burnt bright quickly and faded faster. I needed more from her, and I wouldn't be willing to ever let her love go if I had it. Could she give me what I wanted from her? Did I want that?

"Infinitely more. Her love for you would have brought you to your knees. It would have knocked the breath out of you, made you wish you needed to breathe just so you could truly appreciate how it hurt to be breathless. It would have made you feel true weakness, and given you your true strength. Her love would have woken you up, brought you to life." Each part was true. I could feel it. Each part of her love would have done that for me. Her friendship was already changing me. It was so true it hurt. I lost it all.

"Will it still?" Please say yes. Please say you didn't ruin it for me. That I can still have my heart.

"I can't see." _My heart doesn't beat.  
_  
"Why not?" _My heart needs to beat.  
_  
"Because I changed it to much. You need to fix it." How?

"You took that away from me." I wanted to shout at her, but it came out a broken question. _Why did you take it away from me?_

"I know."

"I hate you," I growled out. It was stupid and silly and a lie.

"You don't."

"I want to." I wanted to hate her, but I couldn't. I couldn't feel anything other than sadness, not even hate.

Love.

My heart.

Her Heart Beat.

"I know. I am sorry."

"That isn't even fucking close to good enough." It never would be.

"I know that too."

"I need to go." To her, back in time to fix things, away from you and your painful words.

"I wish you didn't." I wish you hadn't made that choice for me so many times. I wish it wasn't my fault, as much as yours, for following you blindly.

"Goodbye, Alice."

"Jasper?" It was a plea to wait, to stop, to listen.

"What?" I was done being nice, being understanding. I was done with her and her control. I was done with Alice.

"I can't see her or you, but I can still see everyone else. And Edward isn't done yet." I grounded my teeth at his name and at her warning. "Goodbye, Jasper," she whispered before hanging up.

Home had never seemed so far away as it did now.

_Bella _

Bella

Bella

Bella

* * *

**Bella POV**

"I know who you are!" I exclaimed with a sudden realization, a memory of the words that Jasper had told me. His story. His life. Peter, his brother.

"I know, Kitten. Peter. I just told you, try and keep up," he said, his eyes never leaving the road but a wicked smirk twitching on his lips. I rolled my eyes at him. "That's not what I meant."

"Well then, Honey, say what you mean and mean what you say or don't say anything at all." I wanted to smack the grin right off his face.

"My name is Bella."

"Do you always say stupid shit?"

"Well, I thought you might have forgotten since you keep calling me 'kitten' and 'honey.' I wasn't sure if you needed a reminder," I said with a glare.

"I have a great memory. Thanks, Kitten," he said with a quick wink.

"Kitten? I don't get it," I said confused. I really didn't have the patience for stupid nicknames or for stupid games.

"Cute and small with claws that could take down the strongest of men," he stated as if it were obvious.

"Even you?" I asked. He just laughed and winked at me. Try and find out, he dared me. "I am sure even the sharpest of claws couldn't scratch the surface of marble skin like yours."

"Not mine, but maybe someone else's."

"Who?" I asked curiously. What vampire could I make a mark on? I wasn't even close to strong enough to affect one.

"Don't ask questions when you already know the answers, " he chided cryptically. I wasn't sure if I hated Peter or loved him. He was amusing, frustrating, strange and possibly creepy, but not in an uncomfortable way.

"Where's Charlotte?" I asked, mainly to prove that I knew more about him than he hopefully thought I knew. I felt like showing off since he wanted to treat me like a stupid child.

"She's waiting for us and is looking forward to meeting you." He seemed unfazed by my question. "Jasper told you about us," he stated, acknowledging my question with no surprise.

"Yes. He told me about his life and how you helped him leave Maria."

"I was just returning the favor," he shrugged.

"Can I have another answer?" I asked, since he had only agreed to give me his name before.

"Can you ask a proper question?" He teased. Why are all vampires insanely irritating?

"What favor? Where are you taking me? Why were you at my school?"

"That's more than one answer you are looking for. Jasper saved Charlotte's life. He was meant to kill her and instead he let me run away with her. He could have easily caught us and killed us both, but he didn't. He saved the life of my mate, and for that and many other reasons I would do anything for him." His answer didn't surprise me. I knew Jasper was good, even through all his bad he was still good. "As to where I am taking you, it's a surprise. And I was at your school to pick you up which goes back to my statement about not asking questions that you already know the answers to."

We drove in silence for the next 20 minutes until I realized where we were and what it meant. I was excited. I didn't know if it would do any good to pretend that I wasn't because the huge smile that was plastered on my face refused to budge.

"You're not going to ask why we're here?" Peter asked curiously as we pulled into the parking lot.

"Why would I? I already know the answer." He beamed at my reply and pulled into a parking spot.

"Well then, hurry the fuck up, Honey. We don't want to be late," he said pulling me from the car and dragging me quickly behind him like an impatient child.

"You're excited." It wasn't a question.

"So are you," he shot back with a grin that said he knew more then he was letting on. A grin that made me nervous and excited and a tiny bit scared, but I didn't really give a fuck.

* * *

**Jasper POV**

Six hours and forty-eight minutes of recycled air and pure hell. I had to manipulate my way into first class to ease some of the discomfort of being stuck in a enclosed space for any length of time. If my throat is going to burn for six hours and forty-eight minutes at an unbearable intensity, then I sure as fucking hell don't want to get squished in between an overweight man who sweats too much and an old lady who offers me caramel candies that have been sitting in her purse for eighteen years. It isn't fun, and it has happened before.

Sea-Tac airport was a zoo filled with animals. And by animals, I mean people, but by the angry scowls on their stressed faces and their impatience, line cutting, rude sometimes drunken behaviour, animal is a better, more accurate name.

Seattle to Dallas. Dallas to El Paso. Fuck. Being a vampire should have more benefits. This is bullshit. That Harry Potter asshole, that all the little kids like, can apparate and I have to fly? Bullshit.

Sitting in Dallas Airport, waiting for the last leg of a trip to board was painful. I just wanted to be there, be with her. Fuck. Bella. How was I going to explain that fact that I was now in Texas? Not just Texas but El Paso, the exact place where she had moved to. How the fucking hell would I be able to convince her that I wasn't stalking her this time? I was following her, wasn't I? _Yes. If she had gone to the fucking moon, you would have ended up there eventually. Don't kid yourself, Whitlock._

Technically, it isn't my fault that she doesn't know I am coming. She never did call me when she got home from class. We had a routine.

I waited. She went to school.

We talked.

I hunted. She would sleep.

I waited. She would wake up.

We talked

She went to school. I read, hunted, did anything to keep myself occupied, all the while just counting down the minutes until I could talk to her.

So, I would have let her know if she would have called me. _Nice excuse, asshole, the phone works both ways._

Why hadn't she called me? Was she still at school? I missed her voice. I had never just talked to someone the way I had with Bella.

*********

_"Jasper," she breathed out in relief when I answered the phone._

_"Happy Birthday," I said, trying my hardest to sound sweet and innocent, knowing her birthday was a bit of a sour subject._

_"Thank you," she said, much to my surprise. She sounded genuine and happy. "Thank you for the gift," she added on._

_"You didn't think I would forget did you?" I asked her._

_"No, I didn't. The picture was beautiful," she said. I could hear the awe in her voice. The picture didn't even capture a tenth of the beauty of that moment. The sun setting slowly, peaking through the grey, rain clouds that were a constant in Forks. The renegade rays of light filtering through the tree tops, lighting her up. Her creamy skin, warm and radiant, as she smiled out at the forest. Her hand, warm in mine. Her grip, surprisingly strong. Her long, chestnut hair capturing the light glowed, a deep red hue shining through the beautiful brown. Where I sparkled like an idiot at a rave wearing too much glitter, she was glowing._

_"Jasper, what made you pick the Gardenia?" She asked a little hesitantly. Because it made me think of you._

_"It caught my eye," I said casually._

_"Oh." The disappointment in her voice surprised me._

_"You didn't like it?" I asked._

_"I love it! It is really pretty and smells amazing." Not as good as you._

_"So, how are things with Charlie?" I asked, changing the subject, not wanting to answer any more questions about the flower. Answers that told her much more than I wanted it to, and the picture that showed her what I saw when I closed me eyes. Me and her. Her hand in mine._

_****_

I picked up my cell and dialed, trying to force my thoughts away from the only person I ever cared to think about anymore.

"Hello," a small sweet voice answered the phone.

"Charlotte," I greeted.

"Jasper," she said, the excitement in her voice evident. I missed her too. "How's your flight so far?"

"Peter knows too much for his own damn good," I grunted sourly. How the fuck he knew half the things he did was beyond me.

"I doubt you will be bitching when you land, and he is waiting there to pick you up." She said it like there was more to it than just a ride. She sounded smug and excited.

"What's going on?" I asked concerned.

"When are you going to learn to trust him?"

"When he starts letting me in on all his creepy, secret plans that always seem to involve me."

"Always involve you being HAPPY," she corrected.

"My flight lands in El Paso at…" She interrupted me, "7:50. I know." Her smug happiness was back and irritating the shit out of me.

"Can I talk to Peter?" I asked, trying to sound polite. I wanted to ask him what was going on and tell him about my conversation with Alice. I honestly didn't know what to do with the shitload of emotions she had dumped on me.

"Nope," she said like that was a stupid question.

"Why not?" I was starting to get irritated. I wasn't in the mood for stupid games.

"Because he isn't here. He left a little while ago," she explained.

"Why? My plane doesn't land for a few hours? And why didn't you go with him?" I was confused.

"He needed to stop somewhere on his way, and he figured it would be best on his own. Less intimidating. " I wasn't sure I even wanted to know what she meant by that, and she was clearly amused by my irritation. Something was going on and that shit was not funny.

"Okay, well, my plane is boarding now. I will see you soon," I said. The voice calling my flight a convenient excuse to hang up.

"Bye, Jasper," she said laughing as she hung up. Right. Something is definitely up.

Peter. My foot. His ass._

* * *

_

**_Bella POV_**

"Stand still woman," Peter scolded tugging on my arm. I had been anxiously craning my neck and standing on my tip toes trying to get a better view.

"I can't see anything," I complained, trying to tug my arm out of his grip and pull him to the front of the crowd. He didn't budge.

"Give it a minute," he said, laughing at my impatience.

"You said that like five minutes ago," I grumbled.

"Fine. You should have given it six minutes." Then, through all my excitement, a strong dose of nerves hit me.

"Peter, is this a surprise?"

"Yes." My nervousness doubled, possibly tripled. "He came here to see you," he answered the question I never asked out loud.

"How do you do that?"

"It's magic," he teased. I snorted back my laugh as people started filtering through the gate. My heart picked up, as I waited. "You're not very patient," he commented with a huge fucking smile plastered on his face. I threw him a glare

"You're an assho..." He interrupted me with a quick nod of his head back in the direction of the gate. I glanced back to find him standing at the exit of the gate. His eyes locked on me. I felt Peter let go of my arm and I started to walk towards him, shocked that my brain had enough sense to tell my feet to move. We slowly made our way to each other through the small crowd of people, meeting in the middle. I stopped just in front of him and took a deep breath for what must have been the first time in my entire life because my lungs were screaming for air.

"Hi," I said, in the stupidest voice but who the fuck cares. My mind was mush. He dropped his duffle bag to the ground and held his hand out to me, the same gesture I had done before.

_Jasper_

_Jasper_

_Jasper_

_

* * *

**Jasper POV**_

I was surprised when I rounded the corner and saw Peter standing there with Bella, his hand on her arm. She was looking at him with a furious glare, and in the middle of a very polite comment his grin widened when he saw me and he nodded his head at me. Bella's eyes flew up in search of what he was looking at. Deep pools of brown shocked me stupid as our eyes locked. Peter must have let go because she started to move towards me. I was vaguely aware that I was moving too, but there were way too many people in my way. Fucking idiots standing in the middle of the goddamn path. I wanted to push them out of the way to get to her.

Hours.

Years.

Decades.

Minutes.

Seconds later, I was standing in front of her. She sucked in a ragged breath.

"Hi," she said in a voice that was honey and sugar. It seeped into my brain and my lungs, melting me into a fucking puddle. My bag slid off my shoulder as I held out my hand. For my heart. For the piece that was missing. For Bella.

"Bella," I managed to choke out as she slid her warm soft hand into mine and tugged me closer. She wrapped her other arm around me in a gentle hug. I dropped her hand and pulled her into my chest wrapping her in my arms where I wanted to keep her forever.

"I missed you," she whispered only for me to hear.

"I missed you more," I whispered back tightening my hold on her.

I was home

I was whole

I was not alone.

FUCK ME. I was in love.

**_--you know what you get for reviews so leave one !!! I hope you liked this chapter!--_**


	15. The Water is as Warm as Your Smile

**AN- I hope all my fellow Canadians had an amazing Canada Day yesterday! Canada is now 142 years old!!!!!! Sorry this update took so long everyone! I have a wicked bad cold and work is kicking my ass. Thank you to my lovely Beta EchoingWinter for making this chapter readable and for being insanely fast with your crazy editing skills! Thank you everyone for your reviews they make me very happy! I still don't own Twilight or any of the Characters from Twilight, although Jasper does play a reoccuring role in my dreams.  
Enjoy and review!** **_(the first time I posted this note got all jumbled.. it was strange and made very little sense)_**

Chapter 14

**Jasper POV  
**  
I had ideas of where everything could go, where each piece could click into place. One piece fit perfectly: Bella in my arms. Other pieces I wanted, but fuck me if I knew how to get them.

Bella in the morning in my arms.  
Bella in the afternoon in my arms.  
Bella at night in my arms.  
Bella asleep in my arms.  
Bella laughing in my arms.  
Bella in the shower in **MY** fucking arms.

Always in my arms, holding my hand, my body, up against a wall, underneath me, on top of me. I really don't give a flying fuck how, where, or what we were doing, or how it happened, but I didn't want to let her go.

Her skin hummed with life not just because she was alive. That was stupid and obvious. It was because she was ALIVE. It's crazy. I am crazy, but she lives with more than her breath or heartbeat. It was the hair that clung to the back of her neck, damp with perspiration from this heat. Her heat, fuck me, her heat blazing through me like a tidal wave of flames.

It was her eyes that held questions she would never ask, secrets locked up tight, sadness buried deep, anger flickering on the surface dancing quickly across in a shimmer of light and intuition. It was her smile. Her smile was the answer to the questions I had spent my whole existence trying to answer. Her laugh was my heartbeat; I longed to feel and hear it again.

Laugh _Beat_

Laugh _Beat_

Laugh _Beat_

I fell in love in an airport in Texas, holding my life tightly in my arms. Waiting for my heart beat, waiting for the answer, waiting for everything that I was once meant to have. I fell in love in a tree house, holding the hand of a little girl who knew life could suck. I was a little boy who knew life could hurt. I fell in love in a meadow sitting next to the ashes of a past relationship and an angry girl who was ready to let go. Thank God she didn't let go of me.

I fell when she told me she was nervous to start university, and when she felt better when I told her to suck it up.

I fell when she yelled at me, her voice low and gritty and sexy as hell. She was wrong, I was wrong, everything was wrong, but she told me the truth.

I fell. I am falling. I jumped.

"I love you," I whispered into her hair. It was a breath, a whisper. It was unheard and unsatisfying. I wanted to scream it, write it, pound it into a slab of fucking concrete.

_I love you! I love you! It scares me how much I love you. I have loved you forever. Even though it isn't true, no words have held more truth. I have always loved you. I was always blind. _

My heart knew, my head ignored, and my eyes were blind. My hands were entwined with another, and I was led down a path where my **head** told my heart what love is. This path right here in the middle of the airport, this is where my** heart** tells my head what love is and my eyes are open wide.

You are all I see.

"Bella," I said her name, rolling off my tongue as a chant, a praise, a sigh.

"Yes?" She asked, sweetly pulling back slightly to look me in the eyes.

"Are you really here?" I asked her. I had been holding her in my arms. Of course she was real, warm, soft, fragile and fucking delicious.

"Yes," she said laughing softly, "are you?"

"Yes," I responded, returning her smile. And I always would be.

"Finally," I thought I heard her whisper, but it was quick and quiet. With her eyes locked on mine I was more human than vampire, more clumsy than graceful, less of the perfect creature I was meant to be, but more of the man I was. I forgot to listen, forgot to breathe, blink, focus on anything but her eyes. Finally. Finally?

"Finally," Peters voice cut in.

"No 'Hello' or hug for your hero?" He asked with a sly smirk on his face.

"Hello Peter," I said, trying to hide my smile. I did owe him, but I wanted answers. I also wanted him to go away. I wanted everyone to go away. I wanted to be somewhere alone with Bella. I wanted to be anywhere alone with Bella. I wanted to be with BELLA.

"Go ahead, ask away. Me and Bella will try our best to answer all your questions," he said with a mischievous wink at her.

"I am a little confused as to how this happened? How did you get Bella here? How the fucking hell did you find her?" I asked not in the least bit upset that he had somehow managed to once again pull his creepy tricks. I was holding her hand and that's all that mattered.

"Well, I picked Bella up from school today and we drove here," he said casually, not giving anything up and he knew it was getting to me. I looked down at Bella and she had an amused smile on her face, but I could feel her curiosity.

"Peter, how the fuck did you find her?" I asked him bluntly.

"Pfft, me and Bella are BFF's. Right, Kitten?" He said draping his arm around her shoulder, "we considered exchanging bracelets, maybe a best friend necklace, but then we decided that we aren't really jewelry people so we would just have to settle for a subtle display of our bond." He pulled this off with a serious look on his face as if he were telling me God's honest fucking truth. I wanted to punch him, or laugh, maybe just punch him.

Bella dissolved into a fit of laughter. I stared at her in slight disbelief. She was completely unfazed by this. She saw my confused stare and reigned in her laughing to explain.

"Peter kidnapped me after scaring the shit out of me at school today. He didn't tell me where I was going or what he was going to do with me. He did insult me a few times, and he seems to have an aversion to my real name. Instead, he insists on calling me 'Kitten.' Then, we show up here and you're here. And that's all I really know," she explained. I could feel contentment pouring off of her in waves. I could also feel her confusion and uncertainty stabbing me in little intervals.

"Don't pretend that you don't love it every time I call you kitten!" Peter said grabbing her free hand and pulling her towards the exit, dragging me with them. "And as for the kidnapping thing, you didn't really put up a fight! I believe all you said to me when I took your keys from you was that you knew how to drive, which was neither here nor there. You say the silliest things, Kitten!" He teased, squeezing her hand affectionately.

We made it to Bella's car relatively fast, her hand never leaving mine, and my mind never stopped wanting to rip Peter's fucking arm off for holding her other hand. It would have been really nice if he had Edward's gift at the moment because in my head I was screaming: _LET GO! LET GO! LET THE FUCK GO! _I wanted her hand to be mine to hold.

Irrational? _Yes_.  
Jealous? _Fuck, yes.  
_Could I stop? _No, never, not a chance in hell_.

It seemed strange how at ease Peter and Bella were with one another, Bella seemed to have already fallen right into an easy friendship with him. Peter was... unsettling sometimes to put it lightly. He had a "sense." There wasn't really a name for it. He was just intuitive. He knew what people **needed**, and how to give them that. He isn't always right just like Alice isn't always right about the future. There are holes and things change because people change. But then there's fate, and you don't fuck with fate.

Fate.  
Bella.  
Love.

* * *

**BPOV**

Jasper.

Why was that the only thing my mind seemed to be able to focus on? Jasper, my friend. Friend? It felt weird to think of him like that. It seemed like not enough to describe what he meant to me, but it was all I could give, all he wanted, all I had left. Friendship.

I can't love him.  
I won't love him.  
He won't love me back.

In the interest of protecting myself, I can't give my heart away to anyone. It stays buried deep in the cavity of my chest surrounded by the walls that I laboriously put up. Each tear a new brick in the foundation. They are solid and impenetrable.

Jasper smiles. A brick falls.  
Jasper laughs. A hole big enough to climb through.  
Jasper's love would knock them down.

Love. It would end and it would take me down with it. These things always end.

The blazing Texas sun was my worst enemy. It made seeing Jasper nearly impossible during the week. I couldn't exactly have my sparkling boyfriend… manfriend… boy who is a friend… fuck!… my FRIEND over. That might be a little hard to explain to Charlie. _Hey Charlie you remember Jasper? The friend you think I am in love with? Well, he sparkles in the sun. It's no big deal. It's just something he does._

"I hate these phone calls," I grumbled to him.

"Sorry, Darlin', didn't realize I was keeping you from your exciting plans," Jasper said sourly.

"Pfft. You know I don't have any plans. I just meant I hate that we have to talk on the phone when you are so close." Come over? You can live in my closet. Nobody has to know.

"The sun will be down soon."

"Will you come over?" Please, God, let that have sounded ten thousand times less desperate to him than it did to me.

"Yes."

An hour later, I was waiting. I am hardly a patient person. I wasn't sure what to expect. Would he come through the window? No, of course not. That was silly. He didn't even know which room was mine, but that was also stupid because of course he would be able to smell which room was mine and hear my heartbeat. Window open? Window closed? Or would he use the door? Did I want him to use the door? Charlie was in the living room watching a game. Maybe I should have warned him? Why the hell was I so nervous?

He rang the doorbell. The loud chiming noise echoed through the house as I made my way down the stairs. I heard Charlie make it to the front door.

"Hello, Chief Swan. I am here to see Bella," Jasper said politely. I paused at the bottom of the stairs to hear Charlie's reaction.

"I am not Chief anymore, son. Call me Charlie. Come on in," he answered ushering Jasper into the hall. Jasper's eyes landed on me before the door had even been closed.

"Hi," he said smiling at me. Charlie looked up, surprised not having heard me come down.

"Hey," I responded back, trying to ignore Charlie's loaded smirk.

"So how are you enjoying El Paso so far, Jasper?" Charlie asked.

"I like it. It has been nice catching up with a few old friends and of course Bella," he said smoothly.

"Of course, Bella," Charlie repeated thoughtfully. I had to get Jasper away from Charlie quickly, or he would likely say something that would embarrass me or scare away Jasper. He had been overly vocal on his theories about our relationship since his comment on my birthday. I had, on several occasions, politely told him to shut the fuck up, but he would just laugh and tell me I was in denial. He was going batty in his old age.

"Want to go sit in the backyard?" Far away from Charlie. I couldn't exactly ask him up to my room. Charlie would have a hernia. I'm not sure if the Door-Open-While-a-Boy-is-In-the-Room-Rule would apply to a twenty-year-old, but I am pretty sure Charlie would try and enforce it.

"Sounds good," he said, walking forward. Out of habit I grabbed his hand and felt the relief that was ever present with contact. I heard Charlie chuckle behind me and instantly regretted the public display. Jasper, having felt my emotions, made to drop my hand with a hurt look on his face. I gripped it tighter. The thought of losing the feeling of his skin on mine hurt. It hurt enough for me not to care what Charlie would think.

"Don't," I said and tugged him towards the backdoor. We walked in silence as I guided him out the door and around to the far side of the yard to the deep end of the pool. I plopped down on the ground tugging him with me.

"Take your shoes off," I ordered. He arched his eyebrow at my demanding tone with a small smirk on his face, but complied. I slid my bare feet into the deliciously cool water. It was warm enough not to ache, still heated from the day's sun, but cooler than the thick outside air.

"See, this is better than the phone," I stated, hoping to sound casual. Friends don't need their friends this much to relax.

"Is this where you sit when we talk?" He asked curiously, staring down into the water that was lapping at him just below the hem of his rolled up jeans.

"Yeah, Charlie likes to accidentally hear things. So if I come out here, it makes it pretty impossible for him to stumble upon my conversations." It also helped me hide my reactions to what Jasper was saying. Too many times I had seen the knowing smile plastered on Charlie's face when he caught me smiling at something that was being said or laughing. I did not need to give that man any more fuel to add to his imaginary fire.

"He likes me," he said, and it wasn't bragging. He was stating Charlie's emotions, but he seemed rather smug about it.

"What was he feeling when he answered the door?" I asked curiously. I was always curious as to what the immediate reaction to a vampire would be before recognition kicked in.

"He is almost as bipolar as you. His emotions fly around so quickly sometimes its hard to get a hold on them," he teased. I threw him a withering glare, and he made a show of becoming apologetic and serious to such an extreme I couldn't help but laugh. The hard lines in his face melted into an easy smile as I laughed.

"He went into 'Father Mode' pretty quickly, protective and concerned. Then, he was smug and happy." He watched me carefully as I thought of how to respond. His fingers tracing patterns on my skin, when he hit my scar his fingers froze. He slowly turned my hand over tracing the crescent ridge.

"Let's play a game," he said seriously, his eyes still on my scar.

"What kind of game?" I asked warily.

"The question game. I'll ask you a question and you have to answer it, and then you can ask me anything you want."

"Okay."

"But you can't lie. I'll know if you do," he warned.

"I won't," I answered as I sat nervously waiting for his first question.

"Do you still think about becoming a vampire?" He asked, still not meeting my eyes.

"No. I haven't thought about that since Edward left. There is no point in living forever without something to live for," I answered.

"What would be worth living forever for, to you?" He asked, his eyes locking on mine searching for an answer. I didn't know what he wanted me to say.

"You can't ask two questions back to back," I scolded, avoiding the seriousness of the second question, "it's my turn." I thought quietly about the type of question I wanted to ask him. I thought about what I wanted to know, needed to know. Do you love me? Could you love me? "Why did you stay so far away from me before?" I asked instead.

"You already know the answer to that," he said, running his free hand through his unruly blond hair as a small frown worked its way onto his face.

"I know Edward told you to stay away and you were worried about your control, but was that the only reason?" I asked still trying to work out the distance. When we had been running from James he had been so close to me the whole time, but then when it was over things went back to normal. It didn't seem fair.

"No, that wasn't the only reason. I was scared that if you got to know me you would hate me for the things I have done. I didn't want to hurt you. It would have killed me to hurt you," he said sadly.

"I wish you would have had enough faith in me to trust that I could never hate you, but you didn't know me well enough to know that." That thought hurt more than it should. I felt robbed of something that seemed so essential to my life. It hurt that we lost time, over two years of time, where we could have been friends. We could have been happy.

"I feel it too," he commented. I looked up at him confused, meeting his golden eyes. The emotion that was dancing in them scared me. "Your loss, it's mine too." We sat in an uncomfortable silence, neither sure what to say.

"This game kind of sucks, Jasper," I said teasing, trying to lighten up the suddenly sad mood. He just rolled his eyes at me.

"What's the one food you see that you think you would have liked as a human?" I asked my question, letting him know I was okay and blocking out my feelings.

"Popsicles."

"Which flavour?"

"Not fair, Bella. It's my turn."

"Well, it is part of the same question! Please?" I asked while widening my eyes, trying to look innocent and sad. He looked at me hard for a minute considering.

"Are you a good swimmer?" He asked me with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"I refuse to answer anymore questions until I get my answer," I argued. Mid sentence he had me spun around, my back skimming the cool surface of the pool, his hands tightly gripping my shoulders, his face inches from mine.

"Can you swim, Bella?" He asked again. The proximity of his eyes, the smell of his cold breath playing across my lips knocked the sense right out of me.

"Yes," I said stupidly, not expecting what he did next as he relaxed his grip on my arms. With a wicked smile on his face, my body dropped slightly and the water soaked through my t-shirt. I gasped as a cold shiver rippled through me. "Jasper, don't you dare," I screeched loudly, trying to grip onto anything.

"This is what happens when you cheat, Darlin'," he said with huge ass grin as he dropped me into the water. I broke the surface, gasping for air. I choked out the unexpected water as he sat nice and pretty on the edge.

"Pineapple Popsicles," he said between choked laughter. I threw him a withering glare. "How's the water?" He asked innocently, trying to contain his laughter.

"Really fucking great. Thanks," I growled, sending a wave of water splashing towards him. I had expected him to move out of the way. Surely vampire reflexes should have been fast enough to see it coming, but the look of surprise on his face as he sat drenched in water was priceless. His white shirt wet and plastered to his chest. Fuck. His chest. The material clung to him like a second skin etching out all the details I tried too hard to steer my imagination away from. The plains of his chest firm and muscular, his stomach flat and tight, his blond hair glued to his face as water dripped down his jaw. Could friends lick other friends? That's acceptable friendly behaviour, right?

FUCK!  
FUCK!  
FUCK!

* * *

***  
I crawled up to my spot on the dining room table, and sat with my legs crossed and my eyes shut tightly, the sun blazing on my face through the windows. The solid wood beneath my bare legs was cool and smooth and familiar. I sat and waited. I was waiting for the sun to sink slowly, sliding down behind the trees and houses, glowing a brilliant orange as it faded into a velvety darkness. The warmth would wash over me like a gentle caress as the light would fade. I waited.

My eyes clamped shut, blocking out the world, blocking out the beautiful colours that would flash and blend, glow and hum. It made me feel small, happy, young, free and so very warm. It faded too quickly, but I kept my eyes clamped shut. Pretending like I could still feel the sun on my face, imagining away the shadows that had crept in through the cracks in the windows, dreaming away the cold that blew in through the vents and settled on me like a thick cloud of reality.

"Most people suntan outside." Charlie's voice shattered my peace, "and usually during the day." I ignored him scrunching my eyes tighter and trying to claw my way back to the place where I was warm through and through, where friends were just friends. Where love was more than just candy hearts, ten easy steps in Cosmo and a heavy pant you moan into a mouth whose lips have never said your name.

"Where does that pretty little head take you?" Charlie asked, climbing up onto the table beside me. I gave up trying to hold on. It was no use. That place didn't really exist. I was here and now, where Jasper was more and less and everything and nothing, and I was not scared and confused and not enough.

"Some place safe and quiet."

"Some place happy?" He asked. Was it happy? No. It was secluded and empty.

"No, just safe." He looked unhappy with my answer, but didn't press it.

"I am heading to Forks tomorrow. I'm going to stay with Billy and Jake for a week, get some fishing in," he said casually but I could tell he was treading carefully. He was going home. I could feel the panic roll through me, making me nauseous and uneasy.

"Are you coming back?" I asked in the a small sad voice. _COME BACK! PLEASE, COME BACK!_

"Yes." Charlie looked me dead in the eyes, watching my reaction with a frown creasing his aged and wrinkled face. "You don't need me, Bella. You are doing fine on your own."

I felt like all the air was slowly leaking from my lungs like a balloon with the smallest of holes, deflating painfully slow. I wanted to scream at him and tell him he was the only one I needed. He was the only one I could trust myself to need, but my tongue was dry and my throat was tight. My words had abandoned me.

"Calm down," he ordered roughly, grabbing my shoulders and turning my body to face him.

"Come back," I managed to squeak out.

"Okay." He soothed his face, soft and sad. I sucked in a hard sharp breath, trying to shake the heavy weight of panic from my shoulders. Something didn't feel right. I just couldn't get rid of the feeling that he wasn't coming back. He was leaving me.

_Why not? Everyone else has.  
_**_Not Jasper.  
_**Not Yet.

**

* * *

Reviews are like crack and I am a fiend!  
**


	16. I'm With You

**AN-- As always, thank you for the reviews! They make me smile. Sorry about the long wait for this chapter. I wanted it to have more development in it, but where I ended it seemed like the right place to end it for now. I didn't want to leave what's going to happen next half done. I am actually insanely sick of this chapter. I tried to make it better, but I just really don't like it. Blah.**

**Also I had a few mentions about doing a Peter POV. I am not sure if it will happen to be honest because I don't see his POV fitting anywhere. I might write some for chapters that have already passed if people are interested. Let me know if there is a specific thing you would like to see from Peter.**

**I am beyond thankful to the skills of my Beta, EchoingWinter, who spends time making this a less of a hot grammatical mess.**

**I don't own Twilight or any of the characters in the Twilight Saga. It is depressing and true.**

Chapter 15 _Friday: The day Charlie leaves_

**Jasper POV**

Bless Charlie's heart. I had the entire week with Bella thanks to that wonderful, wonderful man. I should buy him something like another house so it could always be just me and Bella, or maybe I could just buy Bella a house. She would probably have a heart attack, possibly try and kill me with her adorable tiny, little fists, and that would inevitably end up with her angry and us sitting in a hospital waiting room for several hours.

"You're leaving soon," Peter stated, interrupting my thoughts on how to trick Bella into accepting a house as a gift. Friends can give other friends gifts; I knew this for a fact. It wouldn't matter that the friend giving the gift, i.e. Me, was hopelessly in love with the friend receiving the gift, i.e. Bella. That was just a slight detail. "She is done class in half an hour." He nodded thinking for a few minutes before a frown worked its way onto his face. Peter was usually a happy, albeit sometimes annoying person. Frowns were rare.

"Something to worry about?" I asked, praying to God that whatever it was would wait until after I saw Bella.

"Even bad things have a way of working themselves out," he said. The frown still in place.

"What's going to happen?" I asked, panic making me a hell of a lot less patient with his fucked up way of telling me shit without saying anything worth while.

"Nothing you can change. Nothing I can change. Nothing she can change," he said. running his fingers roughly over his jaw with a pained expression.

"Her? Bella? Peter if something bad is going to happen to her…" I felt like I was choking on the idea of her being hurt. The words just wouldn't form. My entire being violently rejected any thoughts of her being anything other than safe, safe and happy. Anything else hurt. It hurt everywhere.

"I can't…" breath "I won't..." be able to let go. "I need her..." in a basic, air to breathe, primal way. Even my inner animal had acknowledged the fact that Bella was not food. Bella was my heart. I was a monster, but I had survival instincts and any life without Bella would destroy me.

"I am not your fortune-telling pixie. I don't see the future. I don't know what to tell you, what to prepare for. Trust me, brother. If I did, I would do what I could. I just feel it. I can feel something bad is coming," he said, his blood red eyes locking me in a serious expression that I hadn't seen since the days that death haunted us because we hunted for it.

"What do I do?" I asked. I was usually the go-to-guy, the rule maker, the rule enforcer. I was in charge, in command. I was Major Whitlock, but here I was helpless. The one thing that mattered more than anything was the one thing I didn't know how to protect.

"You wait. And when the time comes, you tell her you love her and don't ever fucking think of letting go. She isn't better without you, and we all know you are so far from okay without her. Trust that things are finding a way of righting themselves. This is you getting back on that right path, brother. All you can do is hope that you get what you deserve."

"I don't deserve anything good. You know that." With that, his face softened and a half smile did little to dispel my unease.

"Jasper, you deserve Bella and Bella deserves you. No more, no less, and that is what I know."

"I tell her I love her?" I asked, madly unsure that the time would ever be right for that. I wanted her to know, I needed her to know, but I also knew that it would scare the shit out of her. Bella and Love weren't exactly on good terms.

"You scared?" He challenged.

"Shitless," I answer honestly, "I can't lose her." He laughed at me, all traces of worry gone from his face replaced by his almost constant shit-eating grin.

"You're a fucking idiot, brother! You don't even have her, and you're bitching about losing her. Just get her and then you can worry your emo ass everyday if you like!"

"I am not emo. I am just…"

"Sensitive is just a pretty way of saying emo.'"

"Fuck you," I said, hitting him upside the head with a resounding crack which brought Charlotte darting into the room. I quickly backed away. I am not a coward, but Charlotte was scary when she wanted to be. I did not want to feel her wrath. Peter didn't need to defend himself. He would happily sit back and watch his woman take care of business. To be honest, I could see the appeal. Some women get way too sexy when they're angry. A slow wicked smile crept up onto my face. I couldn't stop my mind from wandering over images of Bella that were not so wholesome.

The sweet and amusing scowl she threw my way as she not so gracefully climbed out of the pool. Her pale blue shirt was soaked and practically painted onto her body. Bella was all soft lines and simple curves. I mostly just followed her around with my jaw on the ground, trying my damnedest not to drool everywhere. My hands just barely listened to me. They wanted to explore every inch of soft, warm skin they could uncover, and trust me, they would uncover it all really damn fast! I couldn't control my mind, but I had some kind of control over my body, well most of my body, so my hand stayed safely in hers.

"Mind out of the gutter, cowboy," Charlotte scolded with an amused smirk on her face. Fuck. Wicked smile, glazed over eyes, possible drool, definite venom pooling, dark, dark, dark, black as fucking night eyes equals dirty, old Jasper caught red-handed. I couldn't even deny it. I just gave her a sheepish smile and nodded my head. "When are you going to bring Bella over?"

"Not this week."

"We don't bite, you know. Well, we won't bite **her,**" she said with a wink. Her not-so-subtle joke was not-so-funny.

"I don't share, never really picked that up as a little boy, I was always a selfish bastard. I get her alone. I want to keep her alone." What I could do to her alone, over and over and over. Hell, I am a vampire. I could go on forever.

"Peter, isn't that cute?" Charlotte said to him in a sickly sweet, innocent voice.

"Sure is, sugar," he said, playing with the ends of her long mousy brown hair.

"Fine, I'll bite. What the fuck is cute?"

"You think you have a choice," she said with a small giggle.

"I don't?"

"Nope, silly Jasper! I was just being nice. You will bring Bella here after her class on Friday. She will spend the weekend here."

"Here for the weekend? As in overnight? For multiple nights? Bella's a human," I explained, not too sure if they had forgotten that simple fact. She slept, ate, went to the bathroom. She needed things. Her life was a constant process of change, working through a cycle of needs. Could we really accommodate her in a vampire house for a weekend? Charlotte and Peter were definitely not the Cullen's, not in their lifestyle nor in their eating habits. Both Peter and Charlotte broke out into laughter.

"Oh, honey, we are well aware of that," Charlotte cooed, talking to me as if she was addressing herself to a toddler.

"Jasper, you know she is safe with us," Peter said in a tone that made me feel guilty for doubting him. "She is important to me too," He said, answering a question I hadn't asked, but sparking a few thousand more.

"Don't ask the how's or the why's. The where's and when's won't get you anywhere either. Just listen and trust him. He loves Bella something fierce already, and we both know Peter does what he needs to do for the people he loves," she said, rolling her eyes and turning to look at Peter with an almost sickening amount of affection.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I was floundering for words. I didn't know how to respond to these two. Peter with his "sense" and Charlotte with her forcefulness left me feeling confused.

"It's dark. If you hurry, you can meet her on campus," Peter said, not even breaking eye contact with Charlotte. I didn't need to be told twice.

Running to get Bella reminded me of why I liked Texas. The sun was an inconvenience, but the air was heavy and warm. It would settle on you like a thick blanket. I could almost feel the subtle changes in the temperature, and the air flex around me like a second skin, enveloping me in an overwhelming heat.

I made it to campus in record time and spotted Bella's car in the student parking lot. I leaned against her car and waited. Waiting had become my least favourite thing to do, but I waited and listened opening my sense up to find her.

Every heart beats an almost constant pattern of sloshing thumps, blood pumping and rushing through veins and arteries. The average heart beats 60-80 times per minute, and everyone has a unique rhythm. Some peoples beat too slow, and some a little too fast, an extra beat here and there, maybe a stutter in the rhythm. Bella's heartbeat was perfect, 72 beats per minute. Her heart sung a song that so few would ever be able to appreciate.

I listened through all the unimportant noise, students coming and going, the most important gossip, until I found it. Then everything else faded. My vampire senses dulled. Nothing else was as loud, as important, or as in focus as the 63rd beat of Bella's heart this minute. I could wait a little longer as long as I could pass time by counting her heart beats. Everything seemed a little more bearable, a little more real, and a hell of a lot more important.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, I pulled it out to read four simple words.

_DO NOT PUNCH HIM!_

I didn't have to wait to find out what Peter meant.

* * *

**  
Bella's POV  
**

"Chris, I'm not interested," I said probably for the seventh time in the past three weeks. I wanted to emphasize each word with a firm punch to his face. Maybe that would help him understand.

"Of course you are. You're just shy!" He said. It sounded like he was mostly talking to himself, reassuring his massive ego that I apparently was damaging. Poor, pretty, college boy was not used to being turned down. I swear girls threw their panties at him whenever he walked to and from class, but he was so kind as to ignore them and focus on lucky me.

"So, somewhere in your twisted head, you have yourself convinced that I like you, but I am way too shy to go out with you even though you have tried several times to harass me into saying yes?" I asked incredulously. In what world did that make sense?

"Maybe you are playing hard to get," he reasoned, slinging his arm around my shoulder as we rounded the corner into the student parking lot. I tried to shrug it off without any success.

"Maybe I am just not interested," I said firmly. TAKE A FUCKING HINT! FUCK! It wasn't even a hint. I was flat out telling him I don't, won't, have never, will never like him. _Maybe because you like Jasper? No. No. No. Maybe? _

"Just come out with me. It will be fun. I promise," he said with a relentless smirk plastered on his face. He was trying too hard to be charming and perfect. His teeth were an ultra blinding white as he constantly showed off his larger than life smile. His hair was always perfectly sculpted into what I would assume was a stylish mess. His tall, lanky frame held no appeal for me.

"I have plans tonight."

"Don't lie to get out of it, Bella. You never do anything with any of us." Us being the few people I spent time with at school, and he was right. I never did anything with any of them. I spent all my time on the edge of school life. I went to class. I handed in my work, spoke up when I had something to say, but I didn't talk about myself to people. I didn't make close friends, exchange e-mails. I was doing the absolute bare minimum to make it by. This was my life now: school, these people and people my age, humans, and I should be putting more of an effort into trying to fit in. This was what I had wanted when I left Forks, a fresh start, a redo, but all I wanted to do was go home and talk to Jasper.

"Come on. Live a little," he prodded. His smile grew sickeningly larger as he took my silence as a sign that I was caving. I wasn't.

"No,"

"Bella…," he started to protested.

"She said 'No!'" Growled the most familiar voice. I glanced up in surprise, and I would have been ecstatic if I wasn't suddenly terrified that I was about to witness the murder of an overeager, persistent, college student. Jasper's golden eyes were locked on Chris's arm as if trying to will it to move with the pure force of his anger. "Get your fucking arm off of her now," he said quietly through gritted teeth. His hands were clenched into tight fists, and his arms were held ridged at his sides.

Chris was fucking dead, stupid and dead, because he didn't drop his arm. I tried to move out of his reach, but he stepped with me closer to Jasper.

"Dude, none of your business," he said in a pathetic attempt to sound angry. It came out shaky and irritated. Jasper stepped closer so he was less than an arm's length away. My eyes were glued to his face. His jaw muscles were rippling as he clenched and unclenched his teeth. I had never seen him so angry.

"Jasper," I said in a soft voice, trying to get him to look at me. I didn't want Chris to end up as target practice for Jaspers iron fists. Jaspers fists vs. Chris's face. I think it is very clear who the winner would be. He didn't look at me, but there was a visible change in his stance. His shoulders relaxed and his fists unclenched. He held his hand out to me.

"Come here?" He asked. I took his hand and pulled away from the unwanted contact of Chris's body. Much too fast to pass as normal, Jasper pulled me towards him. Closing any gaps between us, he held me tightly, flush against his body.

"You do that again, I'll rip your fucking arm off," Jasper growled at Chris with a tone of finality as he pulled me away towards my car. He hurried me around to the driver's side of my car and opened the door, handing me the keys he had picked from my pocket. I was surprised to say the least. No argument about him driving, no lecture on how I drive to slow, how he has better reflexes.

"I won't tell you this again. I am not Edward," Jasper said in response to my surprise. He leaned in slowly, his eyes daring me to break contact as he placed a feather light kiss on my cheek, and my whole body was instantly on fire. I wanted his icy touch everywhere to cool the burn that was quickly driving me mad. His lips were surprisingly soft, not the unyielding stone I was used to or that I had expected. He pulled away breathing in deeply.

"Okay," I agreed. He wasn't Edward. He was so much better.

I sank into my seat, surprised and exhausted.

***

We pulled up outside the empty house. Seeing the house dark with Charlie's truck sitting in the driveway brought my worries to the forefront of my mind. If Jasper read my emotions, he didn't comment. Jasper didn't need an answer to every blush or facial expression. He didn't need to know what I was thinking all of the time. Jasper is not Edward. Jasper is not Edward. He was however angry.

"What's wrong?" I asked, feeling distinctly uncomfortable sitting in the silence of my parked car.

"I really didn't like seeing him touching you," he said as if it was the most obvious answer he could have given.

"I wasn't a huge fan of it either, but I think you scared him off," I said with a small smirk. Chris looked like he was in need of a new pair of pants as Jasper had rushed me off. I doubt he would bug me again.

"I wasn't lying. If he touches you again, I will rip the touchy-feely, bastard's arms clean off."

"You won't always be around to protect me from silly boys," I said carefully to Jasper, sadness creeping in my tone. He wasn't going to be in El Paso forever. Peter and Charlotte would move on, Jasper would go with them, or go back to the Cullen's, or go looking for whatever it is he is searching for.

"Why the fuck not?" He asked. I groaned as I climbed out of the car. Jasper was not this stupid. I really didn't want to explain my fears to him. It was already pathetic enough that I had a mini-panic attack every time I thought about my life without him. Missing my Dad was one thing, he was after all my dad, my parent. I am allowed to need him, but Jasper was another vampire. Another somebody who couldn't give me what I needed, but seemed to be all I wanted. As much as I wish I could believe even one tenth of all the lies I was telling myself, one thing was crystal fucking clear. I WANTED JASPER.

"Well, I am not going to call you up wherever you are traveling in the world and make you fly out just to scare off a bad date," I teased, trying to keep the mood light.

"You're an idiot," he said, stopping me in my tracks, halfway up the path to the front door. I spun around surprised and pissed off, and I was caught off guard by the irritated expression on his face.

"Wow, Jasper, you're so sweet. When you talk to me like that, I wonder how I have managed to resist your charm for so long," I said icily.

"Then don't resist," he said, catching onto my sarcasm but ignoring it. He leaned forward, our noses almost touching, and wrapped a long muscled arm around my waist pulling me tightly into him, a feeling of security and comfort. My heart was beating violently in my chest, begging to break out as Jaspers eyes drifted closed. He dipped his head and ran his nose along my jaw to my ear, his breath coming as fast and heavy as mine. Each pant ghosted over my skin and tugged goose bumps to the surface.

I was going to die, explode and die, burst into uncontrollable, definitely unstoppable, scorching hot flames. I was going to be a pile of ashes before the morning, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything but his cool lips pressed gently just below my ear, his strong arm around my waste, and his soft hair tickling my skin as the hot breeze picked up. The only thing in the entire fucking world that mattered at that moment was the need to keep going, to get closer, and to never stop. I had lost track of what we were talking about, where we were. My own fucking name was a dim memory sinking to the bottom of a deep dark pool of thought. I could get a new name. Who the fuck cares?

Jasper's lips on my neck, his cold tongue, feeling anything but cold on my skin. Sweeping over my pulse, the blood frantically beat under the surface in a desperate frenzy to keep up with my manic heart. Everything else I had ever needed and wanted seemed to pale in comparison to the tug I felt towards Jasper, the desperate need to just be with him and be happy. This was now and here and in this moment and everything may seem perfect, but tomorrow, or next month, maybe even next year I would be Bella the Human. He would still be Jasper the Vampire. Edward would still be Edward the Liar, Douche Ex-Boyfriend who killed the part of me that could trust, and one day we would have to say goodbye because good things end.

"Bella," Jasper whispered, leaning his forehead against mine as I fought to gain control over my breathing, my heart beat, the gnawing desire building in the bit of my stomach, my legs that were quickly turning to jelly. Fuck! I was fighting against my entire body just to keep some type of control.

"Jasper," I said just as quietly.

"You smell so good," he said with a pained moan. I choked on a wave of laughter. I wanted him in a thousand ways that weren't so innocent, and he just wanted my blood. Lucky me. I tried to suppress another wave of giggles as I tried to pull out of his arms. He stared at me like I had five heads as I failed miserably at not laughing. "What's funny?" Maybe the fact that we both just enjoyed that moment for two, very distinctly different reasons. I wanted to jump you, and you wanted to eat me! I wanted to laugh, cry, pull out my hair, and slap myself for being stupid enough to let my guard down enough to let even the tiniest bit of hope in._You don't want Jasper, you don't need Jasper, and you don't love Jasper. Jasper is just your friend._

"Nothing," I waved him off, trying to settle my face into a neutral mask and praying to God that my emotions were too much of a jumbled mess of confusion for him to sort through and understand. "Lets just go inside," I said, turning back towards the house, tugging lightly on his hand to get him to follow, but he didn't move.

"Wait," he said. His features twisted into a beautiful frown. I stopped and waited as he seemed to wage some internal war, struggling to come up with what he wanted to say.

"I don't think I made this as clear as I should have before, but I came to El Paso for you. Only for you," he said and it was the last thing I ever expected to hear come out of his mouth. "I go where you go, Darlin'," he said. It scared me that the small smile on his face looked so sad.

"You don't have to stay with me," I said. I didn't want him to feel obligated. If he left, it wouldn't be like before. I know he would stay in touch. I know he would say goodbye. He wouldn't just leave me. I also know it would hurt so much more than it hurt before.

"Yes, I do," he said with shocking amount of conviction.

"I don't need you. I can survive on my own. You don't have to stay to protect me," I defended. He looked hurt. I was a big stinking liar.

"I need you. I can't survive on my own. I am not staying because I think you are weak. I am not staying because I am afraid you will get hurt. I am staying because you make me happy," he said. It was simple, it was drowning in sincerity, and it hurt my heart because I wanted it to mean so much more. "I am not going anywhere, okay?"

"Okay," I said with a smile, but I was flooded with a feeling of relief. I didn't care that he could feel it and he knew how much he meant to me because for now our emotional conversations would be as close as the Coward Bella would let him come to knowing how she felt.


	17. You Have the Coldest Touch

**AN-- Wow! I think this chapter is long overdue; hopefully, it was worth the wait for all you patient readers! This story is not on hold. I just suck at updating. I will try and put more time into more frequent updates! Thank you for sticking with me, and for reading and reviewing! I appreciate any and all the reviews that I receive, and I read every single one of them even if I don't reply. Sorry if I didn't reply! Thank you to my Beta EchoingWinter!!**

**As always, I own nothing of this fantasy world. Jasper is not mine although I did wish upon some birthday candles that he would be... granted those birthday candles were not mine. I still think a wish is a wish, and I am quite put out that it has yet to come true. Oh well, enjoy. **

**I listened to the song Makes You Weak by Crush Luther while writing this chapter. It is a good song. **

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Chapter 16

_When things started to melt. _

**Jasper POV**

I blew it. Shit, if that wasn't the understatement of the year… I was so close I could taste her lips on mine. I could feel her hands in my hair and hear the moan she would breathe into my mouth, and it was lost. I am a fucking idiot.

I watched as she turned around with bitter amusement, unsure of what the hell to do with it. Was she upset because I had almost kissed her or pissed because I stopped? Why was it the only thing that I could think to say to her was that she smelt amazing? She did in so many ways. Her blood was a pulsating rich honey, her hair of strawberries and heaven, and her skin was all woman and raw sex appeal.

I wanted to mark her, stake my claim with an animistic fervour. I wanted everyone to know she was mine, and I wouldn't let her go ever. I wanted to go back to the parking lot and kill that asshole who touched her, but the minute her brown eyes locked on mine the only thing that made sense was the need to touch her, the need to pull her as close as physically possible, as publicly acceptable, and to give Mr. Touchy-feely the message loud and clear. Considering the fear he was letting off like the smoke signals, he felt me. I wish I could have made him feel my fists.

I followed Bella up the stone path to the front door of her house. The animal in me was basking in each sway of her hips. Fuck, her hips. She leaned into the heavy wood of her front door, sticky hot air poured into the night as the door swung open, and we were blasted with a wave of pure humidity. If I could have, I would have broken out in a dead sweat. Bella's white t-shirt clung to her body, perspiration gluing it to her ivory skin. It took every ounce of strength in my long dead body not to jump her right then and there.

"Sweet Baby Jesus, it's hot in here," she said as she stepped into the hallway looking around as if expecting to see the source of the extreme heat. The house was quiet, really quiet. She reached for the light switch, no light. She toggled the switch as if by some miracle that would make the lights come on.

"Listen," I said to her. She paused and listened. I could feel her confusion and irritation in small lapping waves.

"I don't hear anything," she said in exasperation. Oh smart, beautiful Bella, you are so stupid sometimes.

"Exactly." She cocked her eyebrow at me in a confused glare. "You can't hear _anything,_" I hinted. She still looked confused. "Nothing in your house is running. Your fridge isn't running, your clocks are all out, and the air conditioning is off. Your power is out." Her power was out? I looked out the still open front door and the street lamp was on. I stepped back out on the porch while Bella watched me. I could hear the faint music from a stereo from the nearest house. It was just her house.

"Um, is there a button or something I can press to turn it back on?" She asked. Yes, Bella, a giant ON button. I couldn't help laughing and shaking my head at her.

"No button, Sugar, but we could try flipping the breaker see if that works. If not, you will have to wait and call the power company tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? But I'll melt!" She yelled in a panicked voice.

"Well, Darlin', it's 9:45. You could call tonight but, you won't get through to anyone."

"But I'll melt," she repeated. I rolled my eyes at her, taking hold of her hot little hand. Smiling at her, I tugged her forward. She slowly walked toward me as her eyes scanned everywhere but my face. _Look at me, Bella. Look at me_. She stopped an inch away, too far, way too far away. Her eyes were on the ground. I wanted to look in her eyes, drown in her eyes. I slipped my fingers under her chin and tilted her face up. _Look at me_.

I put my cold hand on her flushed cheek, and she leaned into my palm with a sigh. I tugged her body into the curve of my frame and let go of her hand. She fit to me like a lost puzzle piece. Nothing had ever felt so right. The absolute rightness of the moment made me feel brave and daring, fantastic and insanely in love so I slipped my hand under the hem of her shirt. My cold fingers found the small of her back, shooting goose bumps up her spine. The little hum of contentment that slipped from her lips was nothing compared to the tidal wave of happiness that knocked me stupid.

Bella was it. My one. The girl of my daydreams. Soft skin buzzed beneath my hands. Ivory skin begged my lips for their touch. Every aspect of my body was attuned to hers with a want and need that was so beyond anything I had ever felt before. It was almost painful that I couldn't have her the way I wanted to, that I may never get the chance, that she may never be ready or willing to love me the way I love her, or need me the way I have, on some level, always needed her.

This was mating. This was the bond that was so unbreakable. It was laughable, beyond stupid, to think that I believed the flicker of love I felt towards Alice could have been mistaken for the shattering bond that I feel for silly, beautiful Bella. I am the biggest, fucking idiot in the history of all vampires because this is love, and this is real, and this is forever…for me at least.

"I'll take care of you," I whispered into her ear. She shivered as my icy breath ghosted across her skin, "if you want me to. If you'll let me." _Let me love you._ Her eyes were sad as they held my gaze. I could sense the uncertainty hanging on her like a thick cloud, masking the emotions I so badly wanted to feel. I was asking to do more than keep her cool. I wanted to be more than her personal icepack. I wanted more. I think we both knew that.

"Stay with me?" She asked.

"Forever?" Anything else. anywhere else would be a slow death.

"Tonight," she answered, rolling her eyes at my question.

"Forever," I answered back. She was my forever. She half smiled at me and looked like she wanted to say something. Instead, she reached up and moved a stray lock of hair from my eyes. Her hand brushed my cheek gently.

At her touch, I felt her emotions leak out like a deflated balloon. Emotions that she had been suppressing, hiding, or that I had been ignoring or too caught up in myself to feel. Fear. Sadness. Doubt. These would have broken my heart and shattered my hope if they weren't accompanied by love, surrounded by love, encased fully in a love that was so unique to Bella.

"I feel you," I said, needing to acknowledge her feelings because I knew she wasn't and wouldn't. Her brown eyes widened, and the beautiful love I was basking in was quickly covered by a hard shell of panic. I held her face in my palms refusing to let her look anywhere but at me.

"It's okay to feel," I said.

"No."

"I won't hurt you."

"Ok," she said plainly. It wasn't an agreement. It was a brush off, an escape. She was uncomfortable and nervous. I wanted to kiss away everything but the love, and make her forget that life can hurt. I dropped her face and entwined our fingers together.

"This is enough," I said trying to reassure her and not push her, "for now." I clarified.

"This is all I can give you, all I have to offer," she said looking pointedly at our hands with a hard detached look and a coolness radiating from her that made my skin crawl. We'd had this conversation before. These words were like a broken record repeating the same sentiment: Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Too scared.

"This isn't even close to _all _you are capable of. You can lie all you want to yourself, darlin', but I know better," I said softly, resting my hand lightly in the center of her chest. Her heart thumped and stuttered ferociously under my palm. "I _know _you have more to give." I leaned in so our noses were grazing, "and I want it all." I kissed her softly on the tip of her nose before pulling away and stepping back to give her some space, some reaction room, or maybe it was just to get a better view of the Bella freak out show. She was pretty emotionally stunted, and judging by the pace of her heart, the rough staggering breaths she was sucking in, she was starting to realize that I didn't want to be Jasper, just her friend. I needed more.

A sharp ring ripped us from the moment with a violent discomfort. I groaned, knowing who it was before I even picked up. _Fucking Peter!_

"What?!" I growled into the phone. Bella raised her eyebrow at my tone.

"The breaker won't do shit. It's the transformer running into her house. To answer your next question, it doesn't matter how I know this or why I am telling you. Tell Bella to call her dad and tell him 'cause Bella's _dog _will try and call her when he hears you two are dating, and he will pretty literally lose his shit when she doesn't answer," he said with barely concealed distaste. Vampires did not like werewolves no matter how you spun it. They were mangy dogs.

"We're dating?" I asked half to Peter, and half to Bella who looked even more confused, understandably considering she could only hear my side of the conversation.

"Charlie," Bella growled with a dawning look of understanding on her face. See, I knew my girl was smart.

"Anything else, Oh Wise One?" I asked Peter in a mocking reverent voice, wanting him to fuck off so I could get back to being creepy and staring at Bella with an inhuman level of concentration. There are definite pay offs to being a vampire.

"Tell Kitten I say hi, and Jasper," he paused, "have fun tonight." He chuckled and disconnected the phone before I could say anything back to him.

"Peter says hi." I passed the message along to Bella, stashing the phone back in my pocket.

"It should probably bug me that he knows the things that he does, but I trust him," she said seemingly a little struck by this realization.

"You'll get used to him."

"Are you?" She asked skeptically.

"No," I laughed. She had a point. You can spend all the time in the world with Peter, and his gift doesn't stop being strange. "But I trust him too."

"So, where is this breaker box?"

"Oh, about that. Flipping the breaker won't work," I said rubbing the back of my neck. How much weirdness can one human take?

"Peter?" She asked with a small chuckle. I just nodded. "I guess if you promise not to let me melt, it can wait until tomorrow," she said heading towards the stairs. As she reached the bottom of the staircase, she peaked over her shoulder to see if I was following. It was cute and unnecessary. I would follow her to the ends of the earth and back.

"I promise."

**Bella POV**

I think I was having a mental hernia. Jasper wanted to stay. What Jasper wanted scared the shit out of me.

I made my way up the stairs into my room; the air was thick and sticky, and it clung to me like a second skin. I was hot and uncomfortable. Jasper moved to open the windows in my room, trying to alleviate some of the heat, but it didn't help. It was hot in here and hot out there. Fuck, it was Texas. It was hot every-fucking-where.

I peeled off my shirt as Jasper stood opened-mouth, staring at me. I was wearing a thin white, tank top underneath. I grabbed a pair of shorts from my dresser and tugged off my jeans. I didn't want to go into the bathroom. There were no windows, and I was too hot and lazy to make any extra effort.

"It's not nice to stare," I teased Jasper as I pulled on the shorts.

"I…uh…sorry," he said quickly stumbling to pull himself together. He looked away as if he was embarrassed.

"I didn't expect you to change in front of me," he said. His tone was surprised and questioning.

"Well, you didn't really see anything you wouldn't have if I was wearing a bathing suit. Besides, the bathroom is too far and probably hot as hell."

"Bella, that bathroom is right there," he said pointing to the door behind me. That was a plus about my new home. I had my own bathroom. No more sharing with Charlie.

"Like I said way too far," waving my hand towards the door in an exaggerated effort, "did it bother you?" I asked.

"No." His answer was far too quick, and had me grinning a Peter worthy smile. I had a feeling that playing with Jasper would become my new favourite sport. The fact that he might be more then willing to play along had me nothing short of confused.

I was confused in so many different ways. I wanted him. That much was painfully obvious. I mean, if Charlie can pick up on it than I am sure the whole world knows by now. What I was unsure of was why I wanted him so much. It felt so natural to be with him, to touch him, to hold his hand. Everything about those actions had my heart screaming for more, but I learnt the hard way that my heart can't be trusted to make choices all on its own. Another point of confusion was Jasper's actions. Unless I was a complete idiot and was taking everything he was saying and doing the completely wrong way, he wanted me. To what extent was another question. Was he just latching onto me because he was so used to being with Alice that being alone wasn't something he knew how to handle? Or did he want me? The thought that he might want me the way I craved him to want me had me about ready to explode, or throw up. I hadn't really decided yet how I wanted to approach that.

I walked across the room and climbed onto the bed trying not to feel nervous and excited about the way Jasper's eyes trailed me across the room. There was a sick tension in the air that was screaming to be relieved. I wasn't willing to think about the ways we could relieve it…not yet.

I watched him war with himself as I sat on the bed. I wanted him to come to me, but I didn't want to ask. I didn't want to ask him for anything. I didn't want to need anything from him which was stupid because he was right. I was just lying to myself, trying to lie to him, and pretending how much I didn't need him. I knew in some twisted way our lives had woven together, and my need for him increased exponentially every day. So, I did what I didn't want to do, what I was trying so hard not to want to do, begging my heart to be smart and save itself, but my body is a traitor. I held out my hand.

"Come here. Please?" I asked. He walked at a human pace across my bedroom and stood in front of me. The deliberateness of his movements seemed like a warning, a last chance. He was giving me options, endless options. His slow walk said, _You can tell me to stop_. The tension in his shoulders said, _I'll leave if you ask me_. The frown etched into his perfect face said, _I won't take anything you are unwilling to give._ But his eyes pierced me, anchoring me to him in ways that had the Smart Bella screaming to run, but I am neither smart nor going anywhere. His eyes said, _Stay. Let me stay. I want it all. I'll give you anything_. His eyes screamed words and feelings that were getting harder to ignore as he took my outstretched hand. Ignorance is bliss and I fear the pain the truth holds. So I let his soft smooth cold hand ease my unanswered questions, erase my suspicions, and sooth the fire that was rushing through my veins.

"Sit," I ordered. I wanted to sound confident and light, but it came out as a whisper in a hesitant voice.

He sat.

Arm to arm. Hand in hand.

We sat.

I wanted to be brave and crawl into his lap, bury my face in his chest, wrap my arms around his neck and melt into him, but I didn't move. His cold hand brushed the heated skin on the back of my neck, and I leaned into his touch and let him be brave for me. I closed my eyes and felt my skin hum with a current of desperation and longing as coolness engulfed me. My arms were thousands of pounds of dead weight. I felt my shoulders succumbed to the strain. Every muscle was pulled lower and deeper into a cool calm darkness as at last my eyes gave in and followed suit, fluttering in defeat as gentle waves of calm and love pushed me over the edge.

Sweet dreams.

**Jasper's POV**

She slept like a corpse. Still and quiet. If it wasn't for her steady breathing, I would have been frantic. Her heartbeats calmed me with an easy rhythm.

As the sun slowly began to rise over the trees and spill through her sheer, white curtains, Bella tossed and turned. I could feel a growing agitation as she was pulled slowly from her sleep. She was restless and unhappy. I could see the beads of sweat glistening on her creamy skin. The sun brought an unwavering heat, and my closeness was doing little to cool her. She threw off the thin sheet covering her small frame, and her tank top and shorts hid not a single curve. I groaned as her tank top rode up showing the swell of her hips and the creamy expanse of her flat stomach. She slowly pealed her eyes open, and with a huff, sat straight up. She was radiating an intense displeasure, and glared balefully out the window at the early morning sun.

"Fuck," she mumble. Her voice was still thick from sleep. She turned her glare on me. I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. Her hair was a crazy tangled mess, her cheeks were flushed from the heat, and her body was gloriously uncovered.

"Take off your shirt," she ordered me. Her patience matching that of an infant as she grumbled, turned and crawled closer to me, and started tugging on my shirt. I complied, slightly confused, but unable to wipe the grin from my face. Less clothing could not be a bad thing when it came to me and Bella. I watched as her eyes roamed my chest and my shoulders, the sunlight bringing my scars into focus. Her hand stretched out and traced the interconnecting patterns of my history. So gently, so softly, so lovingly, her fingers crawled up my chest and over my collarbone, up my neck to my jaw. She rested her small hand on my cheek, and a smile I will spend the rest of my existence trying to earn crept onto her beautiful face. She crawled into my lap and leaned back against my bare chest, releasing a sigh of relief.

"Your arms," she prompted in a lazy voice. I wrapped my arms around her waist, caging her in, holding her to me, and hopefully giving her the relief from the heat she was seeking.

"Better?" I asked.

"Mmm," she hummed her approval as her eyes closed, and she dropped her head back to rest against my shoulder. I traced slow patterns on her arms, waiting for her to fall back asleep, and sent out soft ripples of calm to sooth her. Despite all that, I could feel her building unease.

"What's wrong?" I whispered in her ear, smiling when a shiver made its way up her spine.

"I hate clowns, I am scared of balloons, I like to build forts, and I want you too," she mumbled quickly. Her face creased in a frown, and her eyes clamped tightly shut as if not seeing my reaction would mean I didn't hear her.

"I can still remember what my mama smelt like, fresh baked bread and honey suckle. I regret most of my vampire life up until you, I have read all the Harry Potter books and liked them, and I am yours."

"Mine," she mumbled softly as her body once again relaxed into mine, and she drifted back to sleep.

**--Please leave a review!--**


	18. Two Steps Forward Three Steps Back

**An- **I don't own Twilight or any of the Characters. I have no rights or claim on anything to do with twilight it is the sad truth.

Thanks so much for all your amazing reviews last chapter. My review replying was an epic fail. I didn't have a computer for a little bit of a hugely long time as my laptop decided that he was tired of my abuse and self destructed. RIP Laptop, you are missed.

Thank you for your patience with this story I know I have been updating once in a blue moon. EchoingWinter is my lovely Beta and is wonderful and fantastic. If you have been reading from the start Chapters 1-11 are now edited, the entire story will be edited sooner or later.

When you are finished reading this chapter you all should check out.

**The Orbiting Meteor** by **IdreamofEddy** who is single handedly responsible for my love of Peter. All of her stories are FANTASTIC and her Jasper stars in my dreams frequently.

**Edward Wallbanger** by **Feathersmmmm** has shown me that Edward Bella stories are not as terrible as I think they are.

**Afterlife** by **Thatisastory **which is a beautiful story that is complete and wonderful. It hurts how much I love Jasper in this story!

And **Clipped Wings and Inked Armor**by **hunterhunting** is my last recommendation for today, who can not love a Darkward/Tattward with a fucked up Inkella? Mmm it is so good!

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Chapter 17

**Bella POV**

I woke up the most comfortable I had ever been. Granted, I was laying on the equivalent of concrete, but that concrete was molded to every curve of my body and the concrete was gloriously underdressed. I felt as if my skin should have been humming in appreciation, but the room was quiet save for my steady breathing.

I could feel the raised crescent scars up against the exposed skin on the small of my back, and my fingers itched to turn and trace them, read him like a book of scars and pain, experience and history, muscle and insanely sexy body. I wondered briefly if I could pass the drooling off as something I just did in my sleep, gross but unavoidable, not related to him.

"I know you're awake," Jasper said, chuckling when I grumbled and tried to snuggle further into his arms which should have been impossible since I was damn near welded to his body. I wasn't sure if I wanted to open my eyes and face the changes because whether I wanted to accept it or not, things were changing. I opened one eye, peaking through the room was bright and hot, but all I could feel was Jasper and he was cool and wonderful.

"Hi," I said in a sleepy voice.

"Hi," he said smiling down at me. I was still in his lap laying against his chest. His strong arms were possessively wrapped around my waist, one hand resting on the flat of my stomach while the other was tracing the skin on my arm.

Up and down.

Up…  
And…  
Down.

Up and fucking Down! If I could wake up like this everyday I would be really fucking lucky.

"You're not wearing a shirt," I said stupidly.

"You ordered me to take it off, and I can't refuse you anything, Darlin'." His voice was sweet and amused. I wanted to hide the blush that threatened to take over my body as the memories of last night rushed through me. Of all the declarations, of all the things I could have said, should have said, wanted to say, I said that load of crap. I gave him pieces of me that I didn't know I had anymore and didn't know that I wanted to give away. The shocking part was he took them. He wanted me.

He was mine.

I turned in his lap, still sitting between his legs so that I was facing him. My eyes followed the lines of his body. It was my first time seeing him without his shirt on and without sleep clouding my sight. The drooling was bsolutely going to be a problem.

I took his face between my hands. His hands came up dwarfing mine and holding them in place. I could see the endless possibilities staring at me through his eyes.

"Mine." I felt like I was staking my claim, marking him, and I liked it, wanted it, and needed more.

MINE.

MINE.

MINE.

He just looked at me with an awed disbelief.

"Jasper, you are mine," I repeated, and never in my life had words felt so amazing and right falling from my lips.

He pulled my hand from his face and kissed my palm, repeating the action with my other hand. My skin burned where he kissed, sinking into my skin with a permanence and electricity that was nothing short of terrifying and amazing. He gently placed both hands in my lap. I couldn't take my eyes off him. Jasper trailed his fingers up my arms and over my shoulders. The pads of his fingers etched a new history, a new order in my nerves. He leaned forward, his forehead resting against mine. Everything about him was so close, too close, not nearly, fucking close enough. My body screamed at me to close any and all gaps between us.

"Mine," he said clearly, possessively. There was no mistaking the truth in his words, "Bella, you are _mine_." I realized then that you could give yourself fully to someone and it would be okay. Better than okay when they gave themselves fully to you. You could be equally, hopelessly lost in each other. It was my Eureka moment, my Bella-has-been-a-big-fucking-idiot moment.

"You're not Edward," I said quietly, more to myself than him. It was what I had been pretending I wasn't holding onto.

"Thank God. It was about fucking time you realized that," he said and leaned forward closing the distance between us.

His lips were soft, unbearably sweet, and exactly what I didn't even realize I needed. His lips moved against mine in a mesmerizing rhythm. His big hand held my face to him as slow and sweet turned into something more. Gently sucking my bottom lip into his mouth, I trembled with the overload in sensation. When he pulled back slightly, I gasped for air, my heart frantic, and my body on fire with need and pleasure. It wasn't just a kiss. It was a bomb exploding in my body. It was like being plugged into an electrical outlet, or drinking twelve cans of Red Bull in one sitting. I felt energized, excited, ravenous and completely out of control.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked trying not pass out or launch myself at him. One of the two needed to happen. I had never felt so awake in my life. Every cell in my body was wired and screaming, _Jasper!_ as if it was the only word that existed, as if he was the only person in the world.

"That was what should have happened years ago and every day since," he said before closing the gap again. I was lost in him, his taste, his scent, the way our bodies molded together. His body was not a marble statue. He was water, air, pure honey as he flowed on my skin with a simple demand.

MINE.

MINE.

MINE.

It was a claim that was beyond me, beyond my fears and irrational panic attacks. It was all instinct and fundamental need. It was like waking up in the morning, breathing, blinking, the sun setting, the seasons' changes, a force of fucking nature that was impossible to stop, and the sense of inevitability had me reeling.

"You have always been mine?" I didn't need him to answer to know the truth.

"Yes," his breath was as staggered as mine. His forehead still rested against mine, and his hands clenched on my hips.

"Alice?" The only word I could think of. How does a fucking psychic miss this? I almost missed the hesitation and pain that warred in his eyes. Almost. I pulled back to study his face. Worry bubbled in my stomach. Whatever he was hiding was not going to make me happy. What is it that they always say? Secrets don't make friends?

"I'll tell you what you want to know," he said, the pain in his voice rippled through me, "but you need to call your dad first."

"Shit!" I jumped off his lap and ran to my bag to grab my phone. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" Five missed calls. Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. Fucking Jacob! This was not going to be a fun conversation.

"Sorry. I was meant to remind you last night. Peter warned me that this would happen, but then you started taking off your clothes and… Fuck, I just lose my fucking mind when I am around you." He was rubbing his hand roughly over his eyes. His confession made me grin like an idiot because in all truth when I was around Jasper, nothing else mattered except him.

I walked back over to my bed and crawled in next to him. If I was going to have to have a shitty conversation with a temperamental werewolf, I sure as fucking hell was going to be as comfy as I could while doing it.

"This is going to suck," I lamented. Jasper just chuckled and pulled me into his cold arms. I have never loved Texas more than I did in that minute. The heat, thank fucking God for the heat, and Jasper shirtless in my fucking bed.

"Hey, dad," I said as Charlie picked up the phone after a few short rings.

"Hey, kid." I heard him tell whoever was with him who it was that was calling and a grumbled angry response. "I told you she was alive," he said quietly.

"You told who I was alive?"

"Jacob. A few unanswered phone calls, and the boy has convinced himself that you have been kidnapped and murdered."

"Sorry about that. I had the sound on my cell off, and the power is out."

"Did you call the power company?"

"Not yet. It was too late when I got in from school last night."

"Alright, just let me know when they come to fix it and that everything is okay. Keep your cell on you please." His voice was trying to be light. He didn't want me to think he was upset with me, but I could tell that he had been worried, not as worried as Jacob apparently, but worried all the same.

"I will."

"I'll let you talk to Jacob now. He is waiting, not so patiently, to yell at you." I rolled my eyes just picturing Jake sitting there with a scowl on his face and vibrating with his anger. Poor kid just doesn't know how to let things go.

"Okay, Dad. Love you."

"Bye, Bells. Love you too."

**Jasper POV**

I felt her nerves grow as she waited for Jacob Black to come to the line. Even without my vampire hearing, I would have been able to hear his angry tone when he finally spoke.

"What the fuck is it with you and vampires?" He growled at her. No hello or hi, glad you're okay. Bella was instantly defensive and indignant.

"It's the fangs," she mused sarcastically. I didn't feel like being the one to point out that I don't have fangs just teeth, very sharp teeth. I heard Jacob growl again. "Calm down," she ordered in a voice that hid none of her irritation.

"Calm down? Are you fucking kidding me? I find out, from your dad no less, that you are shacking up with a leech," he shouted, and I hoped for Charlie's sake that he was nowhere near him or he might not be so friendly next time I saw him. What father wants their daughter with a vampire? Not exactly the ideal love story.

_Love: _that was another question altogether that was at the front of my mind. I love Bella, no doubt in my mind. I love Bella really fucking hard! Was it like that for her? Her emotions waking up this morning were a jumble, happy to confused to embarrassed to excitement. Then there were the emotions that made me forget my name and everything else other than her in my arms and her lack of clothing. The minute the word "mine" left her lips, I couldn't seem to bring myself to worry about this doom and gloom that Peter keeps talking about. I will do whatever it takes to protect what is mine and I don't fucking fail.

"Jacob, we aren't exactly shacking up," she said. I could feel her amusement as she told him half truths because I was in her bed and she was in my arms. This is how it was last night and this is how it would be every night if I could help it.

"Then what the fuck are you doing? Being a big fucking idiot that's what! You went from one psycho bloodsucker to another." I should have tried to keep more control of myself, but the minute he insulted Bella I wanted to tear him apart and a deep growl escaped my lips. Bella's eyes shot up in surprise and irritation.

Jacob lost it.

"Is he there with you right now? Are you kidding me? You told your dad that…never mind. I don't even care what you told your Dad. What are you thinking Bella? Have you lost your mind? Were there no human boys there for you? I know you have some strange repulsion towards guys with heartbeats and some sick attraction to risking your life to get your jollies off, but you haven't been there long enough to have tried that hard."

"Jake, shut the hell up! You have no clue what's going on. I get that is partially my fault for not telling you about it, but you need to back the fuck off. I refuse to justify my relationship with Jasper to you. Whether he is a friend or more than a friend is my choice and between Jasper and me. I don't really need your vote in this." I vote in favor of shacking up, definitely in favor. "I am fine. Sorry for worrying you, but that is all I am going to apologize for." And fuck me if the firm, take-no-shit tone she used wasn't hot as hell. The line was silent for a few moments before Jacob spoke again, all anger gone out of his voice. He sounded lost and hurt.

"You could have been happy with me."

"I am happy now."

"You would have been safe with me."

"He won't hurt me."

"I wish you could love me like I love you."

"I wish you would love me like I love you," she threw back at him.

"A brother, a friend, always an almost," he said in a mocking tone.

"A best-friend, family, someone who was there when I thought things were ending. You are not second best or a default. You deserve more." Bella was being gentle and the sadness was rippling out of her.

"I _can't _accept you with him."

"No, you are _choosing _not to accept me with him." The bitter anger was back in his tone when he chuckled darkly.

"What difference does it make? Either way when he breaks your heart like you and I both know he will, I'll be here waiting to help you pick up all the pieces. He isn't your happy fucking ending, Bella. And this thing, whatever the fuck it is, will end." With that the line went dead.

Before I could even catch glimpses of what Bella was feeling, her emotions went on lockdown. A hazy cloud of indifference settled over her. It was so thick I could almost choke on it.

"You alright, Darlin'?" It was the only thing I could ask. I couldn't beg her not to believe him. I couldn't plead with her to trust me, to love me, to need me. She needed to do that on her own. I needed her to feel that on her own. It was like two steps forward and a hundred steps back. I could feel her shutting down around me, blocking me out with this cold mask of nonchalance. The girl who pretended nothing ever hurt her. I would take each of those fucking steps with her and just wait for as long as she needed me to.

"Mmhm," she said while sliding out of my arms and out of her bed. My body mourned the loss of her heat.

"Bullshit." Just because I would patiently wait doesn't mean I won't call her on her stupid lies. Her head snapped up and she glared at me.

"What?"

"You heard me. I am calling your bullshit. You are not alright."

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I am not okay." A step forward?

"Can you call the power company?" She asked me as she pulled on her jeans and tossed me my discarded shirt. Avoidance, a few steps back.

"Sure," I said walking towards the door to give her some privacy.

"Oh, Jasper?" She called. I turned around to see a small frown on her face. "You still owe me that explanation."

My heart sunk. Today was not going to be a good day.

**--Thanks for reading this chapter!!--**


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